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Treats Jokes

My girlfriend treats me like a god.

She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife treats her husband by taking him to a strip club for his birthday.

At the club, the doorman says, "Hi Jim, how are you?"

The wife asks, "How does he know you?"

Jim says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."

Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?"

Jim says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts team."

Next a stri...

My family treats me like a God

They forget that I exist unless they want something

My atheist boyfriend treats me like a literal goddess.

He acts like I don't exist.

I tell ya, my wife treats me like a god.

At every meal, she gives me burnt offerings.

Leo treats women like Christmas Trees…

no use for em after the 25th

Apparently Pfizer is now selling a pill that treats skepticism.

But I'm not buying it.

An old lady treats herself.

An old lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 90th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice luxurious hotel.

When she checked out the next morning, the receptionist handed her a bill for £250.00.

She demanded to know why the charge was so high “I agree it’s a nice hotel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash?

You get what you fucking deserve! *BANG*

Steve treats John as a Rival

Steve always fall second next to John in everything in High School, when they graduated high school John graduates as the Top of the class and Steve is second.

On then Steve vowed to study hard in college and comeback to humiliate John. John are not able to continue his studies because their ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Buying cat treats at Walmart today

TRUE STORY. I went to Walmart today for cat treats, they were out of human food. As I stood in line some lady made a smartass remark to me for coming to the store just for cat treats. I told the lady I had to fatten up my cats before I eat them because all you assholes are hoarding the food. Her lit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife treats me like a president

It mostly means she hides her tax money from me and talks shit about me on social media.

A man is handing out Halloween treats when...

... he hears a small knock at the door. Opening it, he finds a child dressed as a thief. "Here you go, two pieces of candy! Take it and go!" The man laughs.

Moments later, another knock at the door. Opening it, the home owner finds a child dressed as a clown. "Hmm." The man looks the kid up a...

Psychiatrist office: “My sister treats me like Lucy treats Linus.”

The psychiatrist thinks for a moment and says, “Sounds like you have analogy to Peanuts.”

What do you call a racist ex-Marine who medically treats animals?

A veteran aryan

What type of doctor treats tumors and is available 24/7?

An Oncallogist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend treats my dick like COVID-19

She didn't care about it until I gave it to her mom

What do you call a mean old scientist and the grandson he treats badly?

Prick & Morty!

Hey girl I want to treat you like a trump-loving Christian treats Jesus.

Come over to your dad’s house on the weekend to drink your wine and eat your body, then act like I’ve never heard of you for the rest of the week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's appalling how society treats people who don't like butter.

Margarinalized.

I treat women like Jack Sparrow treats rum.

I never have any

The inventor of dog treats died earlier today.

He was a good boy. Yes he was.

After a very successful heist, a thief treats his two close friends to a sumptuous meal at a fancy restaurant.

Friend A: "You've walked away with millions?? By stealing from a printer company? How on earth did you pull that off??!"

Friend B: "You must've had to drive out an entire truckload of printers to make that much!"

Thief: "It was actually a lot easier than that. I just walked out with al...

This guy shows up at a farm and says he knows how to make animals speak

The farmer says, "That's ridiculous."

So the guy walks up to the farmer's cow and says "Moo moo moo."

The cow replies in English, "Oh, thank you for asking. He generally treats me very well. He milks me promptly at 5:30am every morning. If I had one suggestion, I wish he'd change the w...

What treats do you give someone who knows a lot of words?

Synonym Rolls

What do you call an Egyptian who treats sore muscles?

A cairopractor

My downstairs neighbors treat their weed like Jimmy John’s treats their sandwiches:

free smells.

I hate it that my wife treats me like a piece of meat....

She’s Vegan and refuses touch me!

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