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Smelt Jokes

What is quantum metal smelted from?

Either ore

Well, "He who smelt it, dealt it"...

So technically the weed is yours, Officer.

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Have you ever smelt Moth Balls

If so how did you ever get their little legs apart

What can be smelt and heard from twenty miles away?

My son playing Call of Duty

Did you know Yul Brynner smelt awful and was a Liverpool FC fan?

Yep, Yul never wore cologne.

Scientists have developed a new, more efficient process for smelting aluminum.

They were thinking outside the bauxite.

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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans.

.
Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.
When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke.
She said sure, so he went to the restroom.
The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the ...

Since the Industrial Revolution, steel has been a commodity traded on the international market.

If you want to buy some steel, you go to a broker, and he cuts you a deal and you get however many tons of steel you want without necessarily ever making contact with the foundry.

Before the Industrial Revolution, things were on a much smaller scale, and if you wanted to buy steel you had to ...

As a metal worker, I always get blamed for passing gas....

Because whoever smelt it, dealt it.

I came up with this while welding a base for a table.

Old man goes to the Doctor

An Old man goes to the doctor and says:
Hello doc, I have an unusual problem my farts don't make a sound and they don't smell, I just farted like 20 times in the waiting room and nobody heard it nor smelt it, I mean I don't have a problem with that but I just want to know what's up?!
The doct...

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When the Romans Conquered Britain

In the mid 1st century CE one of the problems they did not anticipate was the rampant fraud being conducted in the bronze trade. Tradesmen who shaped the metal would buy it from merchants who bought it from the miners in the form of bars of bronze, already mixed from copper and tin.

The...

How does a blacksmith know you farted?

He smelt it

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I was at my buddy's bachelor party, when him and his brother handed me a glass full of yellow, lukewarm liquid. "Drink it!" they said giggling. It was only when I smelt it that I realized the prank the bastards were trying to pull...

Budweiser

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Why did the blacksmith get fired....

He smelt like shit, and made a forgery.

A blacksmith was put on trial for a murder he did not commit

A guard from a village was found dead with a sword sticking through his chest. The blade was deemed to be the handiwork of the local blacksmith, however he had been away from the village by the time of the murder. Nonetheless, he was arrested shortly after returning and demanded his immediate releas...

I can produce silver just by sniffing.

Smelt it with my own nose.

**I'll show myself out**

My suspicions about corruption among trawlers has been confirmed

I knew something smelt fishy

Did you hear about the blacksmith who ran an underground casino?

He who smelt it dealt it.

Why did the blacksmith take out the trash?

Because it smelt bad.

Just came up with this taking out the trash.

My wife asked if our kids were spoilt?

I said, "I think most them smelt that way."

Did you hear about the Ironworkers who were arrested for selling drugs?

Yea, apparently those who smelt also dealt

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Blind man in a Hotel...

Manager - Menu Sir ??

Man - I'm blind, just bring me ur kitchen spoon, I'll smell it & order.

Manager got a spoon
Blind man smelt & said "Yes, I'll have garlic bread with seasoned potatoes...

"Unbelievable" said the manager...

Every week he came & was corre...

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1st Joke here

Police Officer:\*pulls me over\*

Me:Sir,Is there a problem

Police:Do i smell cocaine in your car?

Me:The one who smelt it dealt it

Police:Holy shit

Me:You are under arrest

A group of moles are hibernating in a burrow for the winter...

One day one mole pops his head out and sniffs around.

“It must be spring because I smell maple syrup in the air. The farmer’s wife always cooks pancakes in the springtime” says the mole as he leaves the burrow.

A second mole sticks his head out and smells the air.

“By George, h...

A young man gets pulled over by the police.

"Son, have you been drinking tonight?" said the officer.

The man rolled down his window. He had bloodshot eyes and smelt of whiskey. His left hand had a silver watch on it. "No, sir," he said with a slurred voice. "I am not drunk."

The police officer wasn't having it. "Alright, son. If...

The blacksmith only sold items he crafted himself. Like his father taught him...

He who smelt it, dealt it.

Son: Dad, if the blacksmith forges the sword, who sells it?

Dad: That's easy son. Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

An investigation was carried out by a foundry...

since somehow people were getting a hold of their new ingots before they started selling them publicly. They investigated the entire foundry and found out that the man in charge of working the furnace was selling the ingots illegally, under the table. This only proves that he who smelt it, dealt it....

Did you hear about the clown who refined iron?

He smelt funny

I had one of those horrible moments this morning when I confused my wife's hair removal cream with the toothpaste.

Mind you, my legs have never smelt so minty!

There once was an old mystic

He was too poor to afford shoes, so he often had sores on his feet, and since he was old, he could easily break his bones if he was not careful. He also had a very bad diet, so his breath smelt terrible.

I guess you could say he was a....

**Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed with Hal...

Global warming is going to demand re-education of our tradesmen.

Already the glaziers are smelting.

Vampire Bat covered in Blood

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.


Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.


He told them to go way ! And let him get some sleep,...

A blind man went to a restaurant.

“Menu sir?” asked the owner.



“I’m blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks. I will smell it and order.”



The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man.



The blind man smelt the fork with a deep breath, “Yes...

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I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction.

When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems." So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.
A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Sin...

Fisherman got jokes...

A little fish humor for everyone.

"Did you do that on Porpoise? Or just for the Halibut?"

"Oh my Cod, save my Sole!"

"You sucker, that smelt, so get your bass out of here!"

I translated this joke from Arabic

An engineer school graduate opened a clinic. If he were able to solve the patient's problem he would charge £1000. However, if he couldn't treat the patient he would give them £5000.

The engineer was soon making more money than the real doctor's clinic nearby. The doctor was confused and deci...

Germany owed a massive debt to France after the treaty of Versailles

One day, Germany couldn't afford to pay the weekly payment to France. So France gathered a band of soldiers and rode into a small town in Rhineland on trucks, hoping to find anything valuable as reparation. After inspecting the town for a brief moment, they took its tram tracks and street lamps back...

Steel drivin' man

So there was a guy put in jail recently. He ran a business refining ore into metal. He had some cheap iron ore he had obtain so he made some steel with it but it had a pretty high percentage if copper impurity. It ended up in the market as pure steel and when the fraud was found out an investigation...

An American, An Englishman, and a German are walking down a country road...

...When they see storm clouds on the horizon. Not wanting to spend the night out in the cold rain, they run for the nearest shelter they can make out: A farmhouse. They ask the farmer if they can stay the night, and he replies, "Well, I DID have three beds, but one of them got infected with bedbugs....

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