Weddings by Christian denomination [super-dated but still funny]
At a Catholic wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At a Mormon wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.
At a United Church wedding, the minister is pregnant.
At a Unitarian wedding, the minister and her wife are both pregnant.
*Adapted poorly from a joke about Jewish denominat...
In the 1950's a group of friends decided to test a blind man to see if he could tell the denomination of bills.
They started passing one dollar bills to the blind man and he could tell that they were one dollar bills.
Then someone gave him a five, which he knew immediately was a five dollar bill.
Then they handed him a ten, and he still knew what it was.
Then they alternated the one, five...
Did you hear about the non-denominational Christian who converted to Catholicism because of his Catholic wife?
He didn’t believe in sects before marriage.
I thought I’d finally written a non-denominational joke...
but when I told it to my priest, he said it didn’t make cents.
My Church accepts ALL Denominations
$1, $2, $5, $10, $20, $50, AND $100!
Which Christian denomination knows the most about dinosaurs?
Dave has died and is waiting in the queue to get into heaven.
As he draws ever closer to St Peter he can hear him asking people the same question.
"Denomination?" he asks a little old lady as she reaches the front of the queue.
"Methodist", she replies.
St Peter checks his notes and directs her to the eighth door on the left.
Three men die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates.
He says to the first man, "Welcome to Heaven! Back on Earth, what denomination were you?"
The first man say, "I was a devout Presbyterian".
St. Peter says, "Excellent! Then go to door 10, but when you pass door number 2, be very quiet."
He then asks the second man, "When you wer...
The Joy of Sects
A man crossing a bridge sees a suicidal chap about to take a big dive, Thinking he could be the good Samaritan, he stops and calls to the jumper.
GS: "Hey Buddy, Lets talk, Don't do anything rash, life is good, lets find something to talk about, Say tell me friend, are you religious?"
Government - 'Um, we're having big issues with tax evasion. People are stashing away notes with large denominations.'
Modi: 'Have you tried turning them off and and on again?'
Once I saw a man on a bridge about to jump
I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What denomination?" He said, "...
A man is suicidal and is about to jump off a building
“Don’t do it!” shouts another man from behind him. “God loves you and has given you life for a purpose.”
“Really?” says the suicidal man.
“Yes. Do you believe in God?”
“Me too! Christian or non-Christian?”
“Me too! Which denomination?” ...
To support a friend, I went to a non-denominational event.
As it wasn't really my thing, I sat in the back. A priest came up to me and said, "The Lord has told me, today is the day that you will walk!" A little confused, I smiled at the priest, and told him I wasn't a cripple.
A little while later, a rabbi approached me and said, "By Hashem's word, ...
A woman goes to the post office and asks to buy some Hanukkah stamps. The clerk asks: "What denomination would you like?" The woman thinks for a moment and says: "6 Orthodox, 4 Conservative, and 2 Reform."
What religion were the dinosaurs?
Non de-nom nom denominational.
Sorry folks this is an original by me and so corny.
Oldie but still good...
This seems to fit here:
Some sub-par counterfeiters discovered that their latest run of bills were all $18 denominations. They realized that they couldn’t pass them off in the city so they headed out to the hinterlands to try and pass them off.
They stopped at a backwoods general stor...
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he for a long time.
A farmer lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he for a long time.
The dog finally died and the farmer went to the parish priest, saying "Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the farmer "No, we c...
US currency types were having a contest to see who could accrue the most of another country’s currency
Nickels managed to stack up a lot of Euros and beat Quarters who only managed to pile up a few. Dimes did alright for themselves too but none of them bragged about how well they were doing because they knew that their smallest denomination friends were volatile and when confronted with bragging when...
What did the evil fraction say?
You will never stop my plans for world denomination.
Walking across the Golden Gate bridge, I saw a man about to jump...
Walking across the Golden Gate bridge, I saw a man about to jump, so I approached him and said, “Don’t jump!”
And he said, “I’ve got nothing to live for and no one cares about me in the slightest.”
So I replied, “You’re forgetting about God.”
The man s...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Little old lady(long)
A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?"...
Three televangelists were debating whose denomination was the correct one. After much debate and getting nowhere they decided to settle the matter by invoking a miracle. They all agreed that walking on water would be a good challenge, so they go to a local pond.
Pentecostal goes fi...
* xpost from /r/ELINT's ["what's your favorite denominational or interfaith joke?"](http://www.reddit.com/r/ELINT/comments/13t7sx/all_whats_your_favorite_denominational_or/)
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran ove...