The 47+ Best Napoleon Jokes

What do you call Napoleon hit by a cannonball?

Napoleon Blown Apart.

Why doesn’t Napoleon watch Game of Thrones?

Because Winter is Coming

After each battle, Napoleon would walk down and shake the hands of all his soldiers

Each time, he would ask them the same three questions:

How old are you?
How long have you been serving in the army?
Which of the two battles have you fought in?

One time, a new, foreign soldier did not know French and was worried about what to say to Napoleon when it was his turn...

Upon arriving in hell, I was surprised to find a clerk asking me, “In which military would you like to serve?” Turns out Alexander the Great, Napoleon, and Otto Von Bismarck overthrew Satan centuries ago and have been fighting each other ever since.

"Oh, that’s an easy one, ” I reply.

The clerk looked at me, skeptical.

“You don’t even want to talk to a recruiter? They can tell you all about the perks of each side.”

“No thank you. I know Napoleon will never lose.”

“Well, that’s a pretty stron...

Late one night at the insane asylum one patient shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

A person in another room said, "How do you know?" The first patient said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted,

"I did not!"

Did you know Napoleon and his wife are buried next to each other?

They're only a Bonaparte

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've decided to name my penis Napoleon...

...because there's a big misconception that it's short, but it's actually average sized

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Napoleon wore a red shirt so no one could see him bleed if he was shot.

Hitler wore brown pants

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Napoleon stop masturbating?

He pulled his bonaparte.

The year is 1799. Napoleon is strategizing with his advisors. A map of Europe is on the table before them...

Napoleon says "Behold, Gentlemen! Our destiny lies within our grasp!"

One advisor asks "What is your plan, General?"

Napoleon slams his fist on the table. "All of Europe will fall to our forces. We shall take it piece by piece until our empire is established. My first step will be to u...

Did you know Napoleon always had his hand in his jacket because he broke his arm?

He had a bone-apart

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Geordie private in the Napoleonic Wars was walking alongside his General when he heard a rythmic rumble in the distance.

"Whats that noise, General?" the Private asked.

"Those are war drums, lad"

"Thieving bastards!"

---

Hope you all enjoy this niche bit of Northern English humour!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened when Napoleon went to Mount Olive?

Popeye got pissed.

Why did Napoleon and his wife sleep with other people?

Because their last name was Bonaparte, not Bonetogether.

I asked my friend if he could tell me what ethnicity Napoleon was.

He said course I can.

Napoleon at the annual military parade in Moscow

Napoleon is at the annual military parade in Moscow, alongside Putin, engrossed in reading a newspaper.
At his side, Marshal Ney blurts out to him "Your Majesty, look! If only we had such guns, we would not lose Waterloo!"
Napoleon keeps reading. Ney blurts out again, "Your Majesty,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler, Napoleon, and Rasputin are in a bar in Hell recounting their glory days

Hitler: "It vas going so vell, I had conquered most ov Europe and the vorld seemed to be just vithin mien reach...but then I invaded Russia."

Napoleon: "That's nothing. I easily conquered all of Europe. I even became Emporer! It was all goin so well...but then I invaded Russia."

Rasput...

What would Napoleon Bonaparte's fried chicken restaurant be called?

The French Fries

How do you make Chicken Napoleon?

You use only the bony parts.

Why did Napoleon conquer so much land?

Because he didn't have much Toulouse.

A general once asked Napoleon Bonaparte if he was capable of leading a country.

"Of Corsican," he replied.

Napoleon may not have been the sole designer of his jacket...

but, I believe he had a hand in it.

The border guard asks Napoleon ‘Can you tell me your nationality?’

‘Course I can.
Corsican.’

Did you hear that Napoleon died in an explosion?

He was Blown-apart

Contrary to what historians will tell you, Napoleon had a more horrific death.

It turns out, the military leader had walked over an active land mine causing it to explode. Body parts were strewn all over the place. Yeah. That’s right. Napoleon was Blown-apart!

I started dating my friend's sister and he says we're now Napoleon friends

Because we're only a bone apart.

What happened to Napoleon when he got hit by a cannonball?

He became Napoleon BLOWNapart.

Credits: YT/recycledcitizen

Napoleon might be remembered for being short, but if there was one part of him the ladies remembered best...

...it was the Bonaparte.

How do you call Napoleon when he's undecided?

Napoleon tornapart

Barely anyone knows about Napoleon's younger brother

They were Bonaparte

Why didn't Napoleon eat chicken legs?

He didn't like defeat.

I was gonna tell a joke about napoleon complexes...

But it fell short.

What happened to Napoleon after he crashed in the Tour de France?

Well, I never heard, but that tore Napoleon's bones apart.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar.

Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar, watching a military parade on CNN.
Impressed by modern technology Charles XII says - "Man, if i had mechanised infratry like that I'd have kicked ass at the Poltava battle."

Darius replies - "And if i had artille...

Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?

Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.

Napoleon got shot right in the shin

It tore his bone apart

Why doesn't anyone know about Napoleon's siblings?

Because they were born apart.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Napoleon Bonaparte finds himself and his adjutant in the USSR

the year is 1960, and it's 9th of May - a national holiday of Nazi Germany defeat, with military parade, fireworks, etc.

They both are in a luxury box on the red square - right in front of the parade. USSR military are marching, warmachines and tanks are driving by in columns, fighter jets ar...

What did Napoleon say when he arrived at the banquet?

Bon, a partay!

Where does Napoleon keep his army?

In his sleevies

I'll tell you what I know about Napoleon

Very little

Knowledge is knowing Napoleon..

... was about the average height for his time.

Wisdom is not putting Napoleon in a fruit salad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fuck is wrong with Napoleon's skeleton?

Sorry. There's a bone apart.

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In order to concentrate superior combat strength in one place,
economy of force must be exercised in other places.
Economy of force requires the acceptance of prudent risks in
selected areas to achieve superiority at the point of decision.
One account has it that Napoleon allowed a subor...

Can Napoleon return to his place of birth?

Of Corsican.

This guy named Napoleon asked me to join his army. I said yes.

I was just happy to be aparte of things

Why did Napoleon return from exile?

He needed more Elba room.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.