Solomon Jokes - 18 Hilarious Solomon Jokes

On the wisdom of King Solomon

This Driver has Solomon's Wisdom

Two women in a bus were fighting bitterly over the last seat available.

The conductor already tried to intervene but to no avail. So the driver shouted, "Let the ugly one take the seat!"

Both women stood for the rest of the journey.

Why didn't King Solomon follow through with his decree to cut the baby in half?

Because he didn't like to split heirs.

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

The real husband

In King Solomon's court, two men and a woman stood before the king.

\- “This woman is my wife!" said the first man. “I married her 30 years ago!"

\- "No, she's my wife!” said the second man. “I married her 30 years ago, but this man just stole her from me!"

Solomon then turned t...

Where was king Solomon's temple located?

On his head.

King Solomon's Judgement

Two women ran into the court of King Solomon, fighting. "My daughter was to marry this man, but this woman claims that the man was to marry HER daughter!" one of them yelled.

"There is a simple solution," said the King. "I shall cut the man in two and each of your daughters can have a piece."...

An old Jewish man dies.

His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.

He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "...

Did you hear about the 5 constipated men in the Bible?

1. Cain. He wasn't Abel....
2. Moses. He took 2 tablets....
3. Balaam. He couldn't move his ass(it's in the Bible, look it up)....
4. King Solomon. He sat on the throne for 40 years.....
5. King David. He said no power in Heaven or on Earth could move him.....

A priest and a rabbi are having lunch.

The priest is chowing down, and says to the rabbi, "Solomon, my friend, someday, somehow, you have to figure out a way for you to try some of this absolutely wonderful Iberico ham. It is heavenly!"

The rabbi responds, "I will Father Rico, I will."

The priest sits up. "When?"

Rab...

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When Solomon the Wise received the Queen of Sheba at his palace, he needed grand new thrones for him and for her.

So by the power of the Seal of Solomon he summoned *djinn* and he said to them: Craft me a pair of thrones that shall be the wonder of all the ages, exquisite in both materials and workmanship and of a value surpassing all the treasures of the earth. And the *djinn*, bound under the Seal, bowed low ...

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There is a sunday ritual at St.Peter's Basillica, Rome

Even pope attends to it. It is a whole babel.

Two men draws attention next to church's gate. Both have huge plates on them hang om their neck. It is written

"I am a religious Christian. Please help me" and
"I am Jewish"

on the plates.

People who are leaving the church ...

The Fart

Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his medical degree in his hometown and then left for Manhattan. Soon he was invited to give a speech in his hometown. As he placed his papers on the lectern they slid off onto the floor and when he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong ins...

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Woody Allen's Moose hunting joke

I shot a moose once. I was hunting upstate New York, and I shot a moose. And I strapped him onto the fender of my car. And I'm driving home along the West Side Highway, but what I didn't realize was that the bullet did not penetrate the moose. It just creased the scalp knocking him unconscious. And ...

100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city

Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.

Stranger: What is your name, sad lady

Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat

Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilt...

In a small Jewish village, a man walks into the butcher shop.

He doesn’t look at the meat, and instead just mopes around, sighing. Eventually, the butcher is forced to ask, “Binyamin, what’s wrong?”

“Oy, gevalt, you’d never believe it, but my son went to Jerusalem, and he came back a Christian!”

“You’re kidding?”

“No, I promise!”

Th...

I Lost My Hat

One Sunday before a church service, a priest notices a man sitting in a pew who he has not seen in years.

The priest approaches and says, "Wow! I can't remember the last time I saw you here! What brings you here today?"

The man replies, "Good morning, father! Well you see, ten years ag...

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Variations of a nail joke. (Heard at a Ren Faire, modified)

The Goldman Nails company is trying to bolster business. They start a contest to create an advertisement for the business. The first submission is from an older lady.

It starts with a man with a beard in a white robe hammering away at wood. The shot pulls back to reveal an massive wooden s...

A store for wisdom

Dr. Who was traveling through time and space, when he came upon a cache of the universe's best wise sayings. He loaded them into the Tardis and decided to set up a shop on a nice little corner just outside of reality to sell the sayings to the great thinkers and writers of all time. He advertised hi...

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