UPJOKE
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The People Jokes

For all the people queuing for McDonalds

I was at the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and a young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order.

So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The McDonalds worker must have told her w...

As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way

I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear that word one more time, I'll quit!"


Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at ...

I heard the people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones...

But people in nearby Abu Dhabi do

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint.

He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot ...

I decided to cut ties with all the people weighing my down

My climbing partner didn’t appreciate it

In which profession the service providers never receive thanks from the people being served?

Executioners

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people you hate......"

My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said I should identify the people in my life that have hurt me, write letters to them explaining what they did and then burn them.

I feel so much better but I don't know what to do with all these letters.

No one else in the class knew what the people of Greenland are called.

But Inuit

I was in the “cheap seats” at the Rodeo and I began to heckle the people in front because they were getting splashed by mud…

…boy, did I get some dirty looks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reminder to the people who have sex 24/7

It is tomorrow!

Do you know why the people who live in Phoenix can’t be buried there?

Because they are still alive!

Everyone always feels bad for the people who died in the San Francisco earthquake...

... but I think it was their own fault

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The airplane was filled with people to the last seat, everyone was waiting for the pilot and co-pilot to arrive.

Finally they come. The people can see them through the windows, they get inside the plane and the passengers are freaked out. Both pilot and co-pilot are wearing blindfolds marking them as blind, have white canes with them and dark sunglasses. The people freak out a bit, but after both of them get i...

To all the people out there suffering from paranoia...

...just remember, you're not alone

The people you meet as a firefighter are really weird sometimes.

I met this woman today who kept demanding I shave her baby.

A man goes on vacation to Israel with his wife and his stepmother. While in Israel, his stepmother died at the hotel. The people there told him:

"Sir, if you want to bury her back in the United States, it's going to cost you $5,000 to bring back her corpse. But since she died at the hotel, we can do the funeral here in Israel for free. r>

The man immediately refused and said he would pay the $5,000 fee to do the funeral back home.<...

I'm sick of the people saying American people are the stupidest people in the world

Like clearly the country of Europe is the dumbest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If all the people were like redditors we would have a much better planet.

Because Recycling old shit is what Redditors do best .

P.S.A - Do recycle ♻

We all need to send prayers to the people in Ohio

Nothing happened, they just have to live there

To all the people who type "u" instead of "you" ...

What exactly do you do with all the extra time you saved?

I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

To all the people who call me too lazy to achieve anything in life...

Proving you wrong is what gets me up from bed.... in the afternoon.

Winning the hearts and minds of the people

An old CCP euphemism for organ harvesting.

Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate?

Taiwanasaurus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To all the people with 2020 vision.

What the **fuck**?! Why didn't you tell us?

To all the people who say 'JIF', I've got two words for you:

Jraphics Interchange Format

Did you hear about the people who stole 357 energy drinks?

I don't know how these people sleep at night.

The people at Starbucks keep getting my name wrong

And I've been working there for nine months now

The people on the internet are so friendly....

One guy called me bro, and he even said my story was cool.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To the people who haven't pooped today

Why are you still holding on to last year's shit?



Happy new year

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