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The Patriot Jokes

The Patriotic Ghost

What did the ghost say to his friend on the 4th of July?

Red, white, Boooo!!

I'm relieved the Patriots lost...

No patriot I know would ever beat an eagle.

What do the Patriots and an American who took an ambulance have in common?

They were crushed by the bills.

Tony Dungy visits Bill Belicheck to try and learn the Patriots secrets.

He asks Bill about how he always wins no mater what is going on.

Bill calls Tom Brady into his office and asks him "who is you father's brother's nephew?"

Brady responds "Me"

Bill turns to Tony and says "see you, need smart players"

The next day at practice Tony calls ove...

Tom Brady left The Patriots

His career got deflated.

The Patriots aren't going to the Super Bowl this year

I'm deflated.

What do the Patriots and Measles have in common?

They both got to go to Disneyland, because some idiot decided to pass on something.

The Patriots

The pats shoulda subbed Bush in, he got more yards on that wheelchair than Blount did all game. #riseup

The Patriots can still win...

By Electoral College votes.

The Chiefs’ defense isn’t doing well against the Patriots’ offense...

Reminds me of colonial times.

The Patriots had to re-sod their field.

Even the grass wont root for them.

The Patriots are true gentlemen.

They let the Falcons finish their game before they started theirs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Patriots are like a giant dick.

Everyone that tries to take them on, ends up choking.

Why have the Patriots won so many Super Bowls?

Because the owner really likes a happy ending.

The weather in New England meant they had to delay the victory parade for the Patriots.

They must feel really deflated.

Did you hear they asked Aaron Hernandez if he wanted to watch the Patriots visit to The White House on the rec room TV?

He said, "No thanks I'll just hang in my cell"

Did you hear about the patriotic zombie who wanted to serve his country?

He joined the Marine Corpse.

I went to a Bengals game last year when they were playing the Patriots. The stadium wasn’t completely empty, as a matter of fact I was sitting beside a man with a German Shepard.

This seemed odd, but the dog was intensely watching the game. In the fourth quarter the Bengals were surely losing, the dog started to tear up. Nearing the end of the game the dog was crying and whimpering. When the game was over (34-13 for the Pats) the dog started openly and inconsolably weepin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i went on a plane to florida today

someone just started masturbating mid flight and faced no consequences!

how is this not illegal?

i thought the patriot act was made to prevent high jacking

Monday night football

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, I really can't see the Patriots beating the Bills tonight," he tells the bartender. "Are you crazy? Why not?" the bartender asks. "Because my wife cancelled our cable."

If you could choose one NFL team to not come back after the Corona Virus, which one would you choose?

And why did you choose the Patriots?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Robert Kraft facing charges of soliciting a prostitute just means...

That once again the Patriots are tied to a scandal involving deflated balls.

I don't understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on thanksgiving.

Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

The date for Superbowl 2020 has been announced as Sunday, February 2 ...

They haven't yet announced who the Patriots will be playing.

What do you call a room full of men watching the Super Bowl on a big screen TV?

The Patriots

Illegal eavesdropping

The Patriot Act Section 215 has expired. The NSA will now stop illegally eavesdropping!

It's cool how today everyone is applauding patriots for standing up for human rights...

...and by next Sunday everyone will be back to hating the Patriots again

A liar, a murderer, a cheater walk in to a bar...

The Patriots must be in town.

It’s a tie dad

My dad asked me to update him on the game, since he’d been in the kitchen for a long while and the patriots were down.

I responded with my epiphany that the entire thing, my entire existence, was just a tide ad.

I think he thought it was a tie, since he regained a bit hope. I’m sorry ...

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