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Surveyed Jokes

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5,000 married men were surveyed as to why they like receiving oral sex.

* 1% liked the warmth

* 2% liked the sensation

* 3% liked the eroticism

* 94% just liked the peace and quiet

1000 men were recently surveyed about women..

10% of men liked women with thin legs.

19% liked muscular legs.

The rest liked something in between.

100 Women surveyed

One hundred women surveyed in New York City were asked if they would sleep with Donald J. Trump.

Each and everyone of them replied **"Not Again"**!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him.

Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 12-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene.

...

So I surveyed some people...

5 out of 4 of them think I'm bad at fractions.

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[NSFW] A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it l...

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I surveyed few women and asked them what shampoo were they using.

Their reply mostly was "how the fuck did you get in here" coming out of their showers.

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used while showering.

Ninety-eight of them said, "Get the hell out of here."

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[NSFW] Chicago citizens surveyed on sex in showers

In a recent survey carried out for the leading toiletries firm 'Brut', people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.
In the survey, 86% of Chicago’s inner city residents (almost all of whom are registered Democrats) say that they have enjoyed sex in the show...

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100% of people surveyed say they prefer their right butt cheek.

I guess that means the other one is always left behind.

An old Vermonter who lives right on the Massachusetts boundary has his land surveyed...

After the survey was complete and the new map was made, it turned out that he had been living in Massachusetts all this time.



"Good" said the old man. "I can't take any more of those Vermont winters!"

I recently surveyed 100 women about their favorite shampoo preferences...

The number one answer was, "What the hell are you doing in my bathroom!?"

An old Minnesota farmer found out the Minnesota and Iowa state border had been surveyed incorrectly.

When they told him his house was actually in Iowa by 10 feet He said, "Thank god. No more Minnesota Winters!"

A huge crowd gathered as Jesus was nailed to the cross. As Jesus surveyed the crowd, he saw St. Perer at the back.

He started to call to him, “Peter, Peter”.

Peter tried to get the crowd. Pushing people as he went. “I’m coming Lord,” shouted Peter as he worked his wash through the crowd. Eventually he reached the foot of Jesus’ cross, and asked, “What is it, Lord?”

And Jesus said, “I can see you...

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90% of people surveyed said they masturbate in the shower. The other 10% sing. Do you know what they sing?

I didn't think so.

A blonde got fed up with all the Blonde jokes......

So she cut her hair short and dyed it black. Bought a snazzy convertible and went driving through the countryside.
On a back country road, she drove up to a large flock of sheep that were slowly crossing the road. As she sat there watching the flock she saw the farmer standing there.
She said ...

Last minute survey

They surveyed people about what's more tolerable in an elevator. A fart or a cough. By overwhelming majority the fart is winning 95% to 4%. The last 1% are afraid of elevators.

A lawyer was late for an appointment at his office and decided to run a stop sign.

As luck would have it, a farmer was proceeding through on his tractor at that very moment, and there was a tremendous crash! Fortunately, no one was hurt.

The lawyer decided to go on the offense and jumped out of his car.

"You idiot!" he yelled. "Why weren't you paying attention? Now...

If you only bought one ticket you only get one sear

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a posh theater, as people were taking their seats for the show. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”

The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient.
“S...

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