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Cape Jokes

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A Spartan, a Samurai and a Viking are summoned to Outworld for Mortal Kombat.

Their first opponent is the dread-sorcerer Shang Tsung.
  

The Spartan goes first, and quickly overpowers Shang Tsung, but is unsure of what to do next. Shang Tsung then speaks a word of power and the Spartan trips over his own cape and impales himself headfirst upon his own spear. Sha...

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I got kicked out of a restaurant for having improper dress. Reminds me of a funny story.

An Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, and Austrailian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese...

Where do superheroes hang out?

Cape Town

Edna Mode has been to fashion shows across the global, but there’s one place she will never visit…

Cape Town

What do you call a carpenter bee wearing a cape?

A wood-bee hero!

I’ve just seen a guy running down the road with a cape on

I shouted “Are you a Superhero?”

He replied “No!! I haven't paid for my haircut !!.

I had an argument with a cape..

Thankfully I managed to put it behind me.

Dateline GOTHAM CITY, December 24th:

Alarms went off this evening when Batman was booked for a possible DUI after leaving the City Hall Christmas Soirée. The caped crusader tore out the entire steering column on his heavily modified sports car while driving recklessly in pursuit of The Joker, who fled the area. Officers noted that he “...

Thought I saw my first super hero today....

He was sprinting down the street wearing a cape....

Turns out, he hadn't paid for his haircut.

What's a superhero's favourite holiday destination?

Cape town

I’m like Dr. Strange without the PHD and magic cape.

Strange...

Have you heard of Cape Cod Potato Chips?

apparently they are so good they actually named a whole cape after them

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Wearing nothing but a cape I jumped into the bedroom startling my wife.

I shouted SUPER SEX!!!!

She replied, “ I don’t know, what kind of soup is it?

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[Nsfw] Wife jumps out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a cape and screams..

SUPER PUSSY

Husband: I'll have the soup

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I'm from Cape Breton Island, what that means is I face a lot of discrimination. People assume I'm an incestuous, alcoholic, wife beating, fish fucker.

I'll have you know I've never hit my sister once.

If Batman wears kevlar armor and a bulletproof cape, why does Robin have to wear a bright-colored spandex outfit?

For the same reason: Batman doesn't like getting shot.

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Anniversary Surprise.

An old couple are married for 60 years.
At the night of the anniversary, to surprise her husband, the wife goes into the bathroom, strips naked, puts on a cape and jumps out shouting:
“SuperPussy!!!”
To which the husband says:
“I’ll have the soup.”

A limerick from Cape Horn

There once was a man from Cape Horn,


who wished he never was born.


And he wouldn't have been


if his father had seen


that the top of the rubber was torn.

A balding, white haired man from Bellville, in Cape Town

walked into a jewellery store in Tygervalley this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger blond at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like t...

A lighthouse was installed at an Alaskan cape near a remote Inuit village

The leader of the village opposed the installation, but the US government overruled him.

One foggy morning, the village leader said to his people, "I told you that thing no good. Look at it: light flash, bell ring, horn go woo-woo. But fog come in, just like always."

Bulls need to realize that when a matador waves his cape, he’s scamming them.

It’s a huge red flag.

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A elderly couple want to spice up their second life

They decide that the woman will take control for that evening.

She pushes the man to the bed and tells him to wait there while she gets changed in the bathroom.

She comes out a few minutes later wearing nothing but a cape, she stands there and yells SUPER VAGINA

The man replies ...

It’s strange how African superheroes have the same origin story..

They’re all from Cape Town

Cape Town

Edna must really hate it there

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An old man is running through the halls of an old-folks home wearing a cape

and yelling "Super Sex! Super Sex!"

An old lady pokes her head out of her room and says,

"I'll have the soup."

My barber is an idiot

he always puts my cape on backwards

I walked into a room where men were wearing capes, expecting great things.

Then I see that it is a barbershop.

A young woman in Cape Town was so depressed...

that she decided to end her life by jumping into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young deck hand saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look you have a lot to live for. We're off to E...

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An retired elderly couple visit London..

They get picked up from the airport in a london black cab and head off into the city for some adventure.

The cab driver say "where you from guvnor?"

Husband. "we're from South Africa"..

The wife is a little hard of hearing asks her husband.

"What did he say?"

The ...

People used to say my jokes were bad until I put a cape on them

Now they're super bad

Credit to Jeff Lewis Neal from the rise guys Morning Show

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(NSFW) A pair of nuns are driving through the aussie outback.

A pair of nuns are driving through the night in the outback, in an old beat up Holden ute going from one town to another.
When all of a sudden...
A Vampire lands on the bonnet spreading his Cape while squatting and emitts a loud hiss!
One nun turns to the other,
"Quick Mary! show him yo...

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Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht.
Then we’ll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me. ...

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A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, Florida.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
...

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Think you can do better?

A circus came to town, places an ad for an animal trainer in the local paper. Only two applicants showed up, a male and a female. The offer could be for one, so the best performer wins the job.

At first glance it appeared that the female was much better prepared because she came to the inter...

An Acadian, a Newfie and a Quebec'er were walking down the beach when they they found a Genie's lamp

The Genie said that he would grant them each one wish. The Genie turned to the Acadian and asked "What will be your wish?"

The Acadian said "Well, I had to start working out West and they don't speak a lot of French there, so it would be nice if they would accept me for who I am."

Th...

Batman and Robin get ready for patrol

Batman: You ready Robin?

Robin: I'm not sure about this costume Batman. It's so bright and red. And why do I have to wear a silly yellow cape?

Batman: Well, we're superheroes Robin. We got to dress the part.

Robin: I'm still not sure about this Batman. I mean, you aren't dressed...

I tried to date this super-patriotic Chinese girl. She came to the first date wearing a custom cape.

It was a huge red flag.

The next time your wife gets angry...

put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"

Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.

The stormy seafarer

One stormy evening, a seafarer was thrown overboard whilst passing through the strait of Dover. As luck would have it, the ocean currents pulled him unconscious to the English coastline, where he was found and revived by a man adorned in a cape, deerstalker hat and smoking a pipe.

When coming...

I wanted to be a high-court judge so was studying law, but I got kicked out for vigilantism

Turns out you can't have your cape and edict too

Thanos came to Earth in 2023

seeking the six Infinity Stones. As he sat on a rock, waiting for his underlings to bring the Stones to him, three strange men arrived in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. One wore a red cape, another bore a red shield, the third was clad in a red suit. They fought, and it was a bloody battle,...

True story from the in-laws.

Was at the in-laws' place (okay my girlfriend's parents') and was chatting with her father as grandpa was watching a James Bond film.

Father: Well, TheCapedMoose, who's the better bond, Shaun Connery or Roger Moore?

Me: I dunno, it's kind of a toss up...

Father: No it isn't, Sh...

A Brit, American and South African Joke

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years
They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Brit’s, in the weeks that followed, an Ameri...

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Ask the Private.

To all my veteran friends out there... enjoy!

A U.S. Marine General was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the General decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky th...

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OH Henry

A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memoria...

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Thought I spotted the first English superhero earlier.

I saw a Liverpool man running down the road wearing a cape.

Turned out the fucker hadn't paid for his haircut.

A salesman rings the doorbell.

An eight year old boy answers the door. He is naked, except for his father's hat, his mother's panties, and a cape. He has a martini glass in one hand and a fat, Cuban cigar in the other.

"A-a-are your parents home?", the man stutters.

"What the Hell do you think?"

A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick

The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!

A king fighting along side his army...

'How many of them are there?' asked the king from his captains
'About twenty thousand of them, my lord' said the captain.
'Fine, hand my my red cape then'.

The captain confused asked 'Why the red cape my lord?'
'So If I get wounded in battle the men will not see me bleed and th...

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It’s the night of a couples 70th wedding anniversary

The wife wants to do something special for the husband. She says “I’ll be right back” and runs into the bathroom, strips down, and puts a cape on. She come out of the room and says “super pussy!” The husband responds, “ill have the soup”

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
 
"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give...

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Little Johnny's in South African Geography Class.

The teacher says "Johnny why didn't you do your homework?"

Johnny says "cos there was fokol for breakfast."

The Teacher says "That's not cool don't say fokol in my class. Quiz time:"

"Where is the Namibian border?"

Thabo says "To the North of The Northern Cape."

S...

Batman and robin after a party

When both of them get to the batmobile,
Batman tells robin that he is too drunk to drive. Robin, says fine I'll drive..

Robin gets sets and starts driving. Before he gets in the highway heading to cave he shifts gears back and forward, stopping at a few lights then ,In the highway he c...

Did you know that the internet was invented by Spiderman?

That's why it's called The World Wide Web.

If it had been invented by Superman, it would be called the World Wide Cape.

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50 Year old woman is getting ready for bed

When she looks in the mirror and is very happy at what her naked body looks like. She fastens a towel as a cape and goes down stairs where her husband is watching tv and jumps Infront of the tv and yells "Super pussy!" her husband looks for a second and says "I'll have the soup"

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the dutchess invited the whole royalty for tea at the palace.

When everyone got there, the duchess suggested to play "Solve the riddle", a game at which, she claimed, she was very good at.

Before starting, the duchess looked outside the window and saw her daughter riding her favourite mare

"I've got one", she said. "It's big and shaky, and girls ...

I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size.

It was a narrow "S" cape.

I'm super lazy today....

Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.

Batman: Hey, you wanna watch a movie?

Superman: Cape Fear?

Batman: Only when I’m riding an escalator. Want to watch a movie or not?

What do they call a banana hammock on the beaches of Massachusetts?

A Cape Cod Piece

There was a recent test of one man's super powers...

He was found to be cape able.

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Reigniting the flame

A couple in their 80s is sitting around enjoying another quiet Friday night. The gentleman had lost interest in sex many years ago, but his loving wife still attempts to reignite their flame from time to time. She has an idea that just might work. She just needs to add some shock value. So she g...

I had a job interview today, so I started with some sweeping, after which I displayed my twirling, then a little peek-a-boo, and I finished with a most vigorous flapping

I don't think they were impressed with my cape abilities.

In a long lost episode, Superman has a close shave with death because his cloak wasn’t the right size.

It was a narrow S cape.

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Super Pussy!

A middle aged woman decides it's time to spice up her sex life, so she decides to surprise her husband. After he gets home from work, she strips down naked, dawns a red cape, runs in the room, jumps in front of the TV and yells "Super-Pussy!"

After thinking about it for a second, her husband ...

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A traveling salesman...

is going door to door and he stops at a house and rings the bell. A boy about nine years old opens it, and he's got a towel tied around his neck like a cape, a snifter of brandy in one hand, and a cigar in his mouth.

The salesman asks "Are your parents at home?"

The boy takes the ciga...

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On the airplane:

I was on an airplane on my way from Johannesburg to Cape Town.

Just when the aircraft was at the desired altitude, the pilot turned on the radio and said. "Ladies and Gentleman, this is your pilot speaking, we are current... OH FUCK!"

There was silence for a few seconds then the pilot ...

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Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long]

The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number.


Why was that gauge used?

Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer G...

How does Superman get out of risky situations?

He always has an ‘S’ cape

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A group of scientists are trying to save the Albino Gorilla from extinction...

A group of biologists were working in a lab on cape horn, trying to save a rare albino gorilla from extinction. There were only two individuals left in the species.

One day, entering the lab, the scientists find the male gorilla dead. It looked to be the end of the species, until one scientis...

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A old woman wanted to spice up her sex life with her husband.

She is in the bathroom after a shower and ties her towel around her neck like a cape.

She runs out of the bathroom wearing nothing but the cape and screams "SSUUPPPEERRR PUSSY!!"

Her husband doesn't even look up from his book and just says, "I'll take the Soup"

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An old woman lives in a nursing home.

One day she takes off all of her clothes, puts on a cape, and runs through the halls yelling "Suuuuuuuper Pussyyyy!"

A nurse hears her and walks her back to her room. Once there she takes her cape off, puts her clothes back on, and lays her down in bed. As soon as the nurse is gone, however, ...

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Dracula walks into a pub...

When Dracula approaches the bar and orders a glass of hot water. Two men at the end notice him and ask each other what in the world he would want with a glass of hot water since all Dracula drinks is blood. So curious they decide to watch him. When the bartender returns and places the glass of hot w...

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Super Stripper

An old man answers the door on his birthday to find a buxom blonde dressed up with a cape at his front door.

She yells out “SUPER STRIPPER”.

The old man thinks about it for a minute and finally replies “I’ll have the soup”

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An old lady wants to spice up her sex life......

so she buys red leather boots, a blue spandex jumpsuit and a cape. That night she runs into her bedroom and yells to her husband " SUPER PUSSY!". The husband says "Ill take the soup"

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The Bull Fights

A Man won an all paid trip to Spain, luckily for this man there is nothing more that he has ever wanted than to see the bull fights! Upon landing in Spain the man quickly obtained transportation to get to the nearest bull fighting stadium, he arrived just in time! As he took his seat he could not be...

A research group was engaged in a study..

A research group was engaged in a study of longevity in mammals and had recently focused their attention on a particular species of porpoise, which they studied from their floating laboratory off the coast of Baja Mexico. They came to believe that, if fed just the right combination of nutrients, thi...

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John arrives home from work one day to hear a voice in his head telling him to quit his job

...quit his job, sell it all, and fly to Vegas. Day after day, it is the same thing. "John, quit your job, sell the house, don't tell the wife, and fly to Vegas."

Over time it starts to get more and more specific.

"John, quit your job at the bank. Sell the house for no less than $200k...

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In honor of the papal visit, I submit the worst, longest, most tortuous pope joke I know.

It's 1969.

China and the Soviet Union are on the brink of open hostilities. The war would kill us all. And only the pope can save the day.

Well, so thinks Richard Nixon.

See, he'd been up all night watching *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, and it was such a harrowing vision that he...

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there's an old couple trying to spice up their sex life...

and so one day the grandma visits a costume shop and buys a kinky supergirl costume. the next night, while watching tv, she stands in front of her husband with her cape over her shoulders, pussy fully bared and yells "super pussy!" and the grandpa replies "i'll have the soup."

You know how when you're a kid you think your dad is Superman..

Then you grow up and realize that he's just a drunk with a cape.

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