I’m like Dr. Strange without the PHD and magic cape.

Strange...

Just saw a guy running down the road with a cape on, so I shouted, "Hey! Are you a superhero!?"

He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"

The next time your wife gets angry...

put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"

Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.

A petite fortune teller excapes prison

**Breaking News**

Small Medium at Large

Cape Town

Edna must really hate it there

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm from Cape Breton Island, what that means is I face a lot of discrimination. People assume I'm an incestuous, alcoholic, wife beating, fish fucker.

I'll have you know I've never hit my sister once.

If Batman wears kevlar armor and a bulletproof cape, why does Robin have to wear a bright-colored spandex outfit?

For the same reason: Batman doesn't like getting shot.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

{vintage joke} 1988 Cape Town : 2 white men and one black man are being transported in a prison van

They were silent for a long time until one white man said "5 years"

The others looked at him

"5 years for molesting a woman " continued the white man "The judge said I should be lucky that the police stopped me earlier or else he would have given me 10 years for rape"

"15 years"...

I tried to date this super-patriotic Chinese girl. She came to the first date wearing a custom cape.

It was a huge red flag.

People used to say my jokes were bad until I put a cape on them

Now they're super bad

Credit to Jeff Lewis Neal from the rise guys Morning Show

A balding, white haired man from Bellville, in Cape Town

walked into a jewellery store in Tygervalley this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger blond at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American,

an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Brun...

I walked into a room where men were wearing capes, expecting great things.

Then I see that it is a barbershop.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do people from Cape Cod say to their butts?

Hyannis

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old man is running through the halls of an old-folks home wearing a cape

and yelling "Super Sex! Super Sex!"

An old lady pokes her head out of her room and says,

"I'll have the soup."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

An archery contest

Once upon a time there was an archery competition.

The first contestant, wearing a long cape covering his face, put a watermelon on a volunteer, took 100 paces away then turned and fired. The watermelon exploded. The archer took off his cape and claimed: I AM ROBINHOOD!

The second one ...

A young woman in Cape Town was so depressed...

that she decided to end her life by jumping into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young deck hand saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look you have a lot to live for. We're off to E...

I had a job interview today, so I started with some sweeping, after which I displayed my twirling, then a little peek-a-boo, and I finished with a most vigorous flapping

I don't think they were impressed with my cape abilities.

Super Stripper

An old man answers the door on his birthday to find a buxom blonde dressed up with a cape at his front door.

She yells out “SUPER STRIPPER”.

The old man thinks about it for a minute and finally replies “I’ll have the soup”

Which city is the South African Superman from?

Cape Town

How does Superman get out of risky situations?

He always has an ‘S’ cape

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old woman lives in a nursing home.

One day she takes off all of her clothes, puts on a cape, and runs through the halls yelling "Suuuuuuuper Pussyyyy!"

A nurse hears her and walks her back to her room. Once there she takes her cape off, puts her clothes back on, and lays her down in bed. As soon as the nurse is gone, however, ...

My barber is an idiot.

He always puts my cape on the wrong way around.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Oh Henry !

A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea.
She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died.
The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much.
After th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

the dutchess invited the whole royalty for tea at the palace.

When everyone got there, the duchess suggested to play "Solve the riddle", a game at which, she claimed, she was very good at.

Before starting, the duchess looked outside the window and saw her daughter riding her favourite mare

"I've got one", she said. "It's big and shaky, and girls ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old couple is sitting in the living room, watching TV..

The old woman began thinking of ways to spice up their love life. Suddenly, she has an idea.

She runs into the other room and grabs a cape. She gets naked and puts on the cape, and runs into the living room, in front of the TV as she tells "Super Pussy!!"

Her husband replies, "I think...

Dracula walks into a pub...

When Dracula approaches the bar and orders a glass of hot water. Two men at the end notice him and ask each other what in the world he would want with a glass of hot water since all Dracula drinks is blood. So curious they decide to watch him. When the bartender returns and places the glass of hot w...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

50 Year old woman is getting ready for bed

When she looks in the mirror and is very happy at what her naked body looks like. She fastens a towel as a cape and goes down stairs where her husband is watching tv and jumps Infront of the tv and yells "Super pussy!" her husband looks for a second and says "I'll have the soup"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A hot widowed lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a most deserted beach at Ft. Myers.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “How are you today?”

“Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his ...

Dracula in Italy

Count Dracula, fed up with the miserable weather in Transylvania, decides to take a holiday, so he packs up his coffin and capes and heads to Rome for a long weekend.
Upon arriving at his hotel the concierge greets him and asks if has a reservation.
"Yessss," replies the Count. "I am Dracula,...

A Brit, American and South African Joke

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years
They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Brit’s, in the weeks that followed, an Ameri...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A old woman wanted to spice up her sex life with her husband.

She is in the bathroom after a shower and ties her towel around her neck like a cape.

She runs out of the bathroom wearing nothing but the cape and screams "SSUUPPPEERRR PUSSY!!"

Her husband doesn't even look up from his book and just says, "I'll take the Soup"

As a kid, I always thought my dad was a super hero,

But then I grew up and realized he was just a drunk in a cape.

A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick

The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long]

The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number.


Why was that gauge used?

Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer G...

I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size.

It was a narrow "S" cape.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A traveling salesman...

is going door to door and he stops at a house and rings the bell. A boy about nine years old opens it, and he's got a towel tied around his neck like a cape, a snifter of brandy in one hand, and a cigar in his mouth.

The salesman asks "Are your parents at home?"

The boy takes the ciga...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters...

They were all getting married within a short time period. Since Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the...

John arrives home from work one day to hear a voice in his head telling him to quit his job

...quit his job, sell it all, and fly to Vegas. Day after day, it is the same thing. "John, quit your job, sell the house, don't tell the wife, and fly to Vegas."

Over time it starts to get more and more specific.

"John, quit your job at the bank. Sell the house for no less than $200k...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Bull Fights

A Man won an all paid trip to Spain, luckily for this man there is nothing more that he has ever wanted than to see the bull fights! Upon landing in Spain the man quickly obtained transportation to get to the nearest bull fighting stadium, he arrived just in time! As he took his seat he could not be...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old lady wants to spice up her sex life......

so she buys red leather boots, a blue spandex jumpsuit and a cape. That night she runs into her bedroom and yells to her husband " SUPER PUSSY!". The husband says "Ill take the soup"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of scientists are trying to save the Albino Gorilla from extinction...

A group of biologists were working in a lab on cape horn, trying to save a rare albino gorilla from extinction. There were only two individuals left in the species.

One day, entering the lab, the scientists find the male gorilla dead. It looked to be the end of the species, until one scientis...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

On the airplane:

I was on an airplane on my way from Johannesburg to Cape Town.

Just when the aircraft was at the desired altitude, the pilot turned on the radio and said. "Ladies and Gentleman, this is your pilot speaking, we are current... OH FUCK!"

There was silence for a few seconds then the pilot ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In honor of the papal visit, I submit the worst, longest, most tortuous pope joke I know.

It's 1969.

China and the Soviet Union are on the brink of open hostilities. The war would kill us all. And only the pope can save the day.

Well, so thinks Richard Nixon.

See, he'd been up all night watching *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, and it was such a harrowing vision that he...

You know how when you're a kid you think your dad is Superman..

Then you grow up and realize that he's just a drunk with a cape.

And actor, a director and a writer walk into a bar.

A director, an actor and a writer walk into a bar.

A sign hanging over the bar proclaims an amateur bull-fighting tournament; where a winner can walk away with a load of gold.

The director races to the bullring, confident in winning the bullion. He sets up lights all over the ring and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

there's an old couple trying to spice up their sex life...

and so one day the grandma visits a costume shop and buys a kinky supergirl costume. the next night, while watching tv, she stands in front of her husband with her cape over her shoulders, pussy fully bared and yells "super pussy!" and the grandpa replies "i'll have the soup."