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Kryptonite Jokes

My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.”

He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

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Pink kryptonite turns Superman gay. What does Thor use?

The Bi-frost.

My 14 year old just came in and told me this one, said he made it up himself. I was impressed.

Can you handle kryptonite?

Because I know Clark Ken't

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

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Bored Superman

One day Superman is flying around looking for crime. Lex Luther is locked up along with all the other villains so not much is going on. Superman sees Batman crouched next to a gargoyle on a building so stops by to see what's up. "Hey Batman what's good wanna do something?" Batman answers gruffly, "I...

What does a horse and kryptonite have in common?

They both paralyze superman

What's the difference between the Bloods and Superman?

One gets killed by Kryptonite, the other gets killed by Crips tonight

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

We were at a hotel

There was a knock on the door. When I answered it, the guy asked me "are you the guys who sing Kryptonite? " I said " no, they are 3 Doors Down."

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My wife is like Superwoman

My dick is kryptonite to her.

Hi dad, I'm vegan

- Hi vegan, I'm... I cannot, it's too much! I can't tell this joke EVERY morning. I surrender, you're my kryptonite!

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During a job interview, I got the typical question about my greatest weakness.

"Kryptonite."

I start on Monday.

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A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

So I met this girl at a party. Kate.

She's really awesome and about as gorgeous as they come. Anyway, we went out a couple times and really hit it off and I eventually asked her to be my girlfriend about a month later... Then just a couple weeks ago this other girl, Edith, started working at the hospital in the same department as me an...

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