What did the chemist say when his wife bought him concentrated sulfuric acid for his birthday?

"Wow. 18 molar. This means a lot to me."

Why is a White House press statement like sulfuric acid?

They're both baseless and corrosive.

Never leave Sulfuric Acid in a metal beaker

That's an oxidant waiting to happen.

In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl

- Mary, what is H2SO4?

- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Quickly, Johnny says:

- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!

I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone.

Turns out spot remover is mostly sulfuric acid

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