Steven Seagal still does his own Stunts

He never leaves sitting in chairs to stunt people.

If humans doing stunts is called a circus...

Then cars doing stunts should be called a Carcuss

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

What’s the difference between a circus and 5 female line dancers without panties?

I don’t know either, but one sure is a cunning array of stunts.

We had a friend who liked to take photos of himself doing life-risking stunts for fun. We always discouraged him, but one time he got hit by a train at a railway station because of a stunt.

That time, it was painfully clear to us that he had definitely crossed the line.

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Good strippers need either cunning stunts..

Or stunning....

Why is it that Tom Cruise does his own stunts in every movie?

Because death is the only way out of the Church of Scientology.

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What’s the difference between how daredevils and porn actresses become famous?

Daredevils get famous because of their cunning stunts.

(I thought that one up myself)

Remember when radical extremists were just kids pulling sick stunts off on their skateboards?

Gnarly.

What do you call when a cat's doing crazy stunts?

Purrkour

What was the name of the film Sean Connery couldn't star in because he was too old for the stunts?

Contagion

I do all my own stunts

But never intentionally.

I saw a clown drinking an alcoholic drink while doing death defying stunts.

I told him, "That's whiskey."

What’s the difference between Cirque de Soleil and the Mustang Ranch?

Cirque de Soleil has a cunning array of stunts, while the Mustang Ranch has a stunning array of .....

what's the most impressive thing about tom cruise performing his own stunts?

he does it in heels

What is the difference between a Policeman's baton and a magician's wand?

One is for cunning stunts and the other is for stunning...........

A guy and his girlfriend are in a sportscar...

...the guy is doing daredevil stunts to impress her.
She turns to him, and says, "If you can go over 150 mph, I'll take off all of my clothes."
The guy obliges, and the car speeds down the road at 175mph, so the girlfriend tears all of her clothes off.

The guy loses control of the car...

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What's the difference between the Japanese precision aerobatic team, and the Rockettes?

The Japanese precision aerobatic team are known for their cunning stunts.

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Frenchman in Morocco

A Frenchman seeking some thrills travels to Morocco and decides to go bungee jumping off the top of mosques. As he bounces back into the air, all of the passerby in Morocco are in awe and one Moroccan passerby decides that he wants to try it himself.

He finds the Frenchman at a nearby cafe a...

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.


Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

In memoriam

Rapid Roy was a daredevil who specialized in car stunts. He decided to retire in style and end his career by attempting a canyon jump in the worst car he could find. After doing some digging, he came across a Chevy Nova in an auction in Champagne, LA. It was in bad shape, but he took a chance, wo...

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I call my penis Tom Cruise.

It does all its own stunts, has questionable beliefs, and I have to use camera tricks to make it look taller.

Old airforce joke

A C-130 is being escorted by an F-16. The fighter pilot gets bored, pushes the engine and does some stunts. He loops, dives, does a few barrel rolls and has some fun.
He radioes the C-130 pilot: "How was that? Cool, huh?" C-130 pilot radioes back: "That was nothing. I can do something with my be...

A C-130 is being escorted by two F-22's

Tired from following the slow-moving plane, one of the F-22 pilots tells his partner, "Hey watch what I can do." With that, he leaves the C-130's side and performs a series of barrel rolls.

"That's nothing" says the second F-22 pilot and he also leaves his spot and does even more spectacular ...

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Heard this some 30-years ago in the Navy...

An Air Force General, Marine General, Army General and a Navy Admiral have a bet on which service has the most balls…



The Marine general grunts, “I’ll solve this right now!” calls for a company of Marines, pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it in the middle shouting, “Grenade!” One...

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger

So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.

As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t...

Dancer Joke

actually, I don't understand this one,customer told me,then left b4 he explained it to me. ok, he said,
"What is the difference between a lapdancer and a magician." and I said,"What?" and then he said this,twice,since I didn't laugh. "A magician has a cunning stunt."
Then his friends told him...

One in four people look down on smokers.

More proof that smoking stunts your growth.

What's the difference between a daredevil and a set of showgirls?

Well, one of them as a set of cunning stunts..





(this wasn't my joke, just thought it was funny)

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[LONG] A joke my uncle told me the other day

A helicopter pilot takes his grandfather along with him on the helicopter and decides to do some stunts in the air.

 

The first stunt involves flying rapidly towards a mountain and dodging it just in time. After that, the grandfather says: "I expected this."

&nbsp;<...

Very slightly based on a true story

When I was in college, our RA was in a frat, Alpha Chi Rho (usually Chi Rho for short.) They had this setup with some various clubs, athletes usually of some sort, because a lot of them majored in physical therapy and/or massage therapy, where they'd have the guys in the frat give therapy sessions.<...

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