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The Matrix Jokes

How do you heal burns in The Matrix?

Neo-Sporin

The Matrix in reverse is the story of a guy who quit drugs and got a job

Convince me otherwise

Elon Musk rewatches The Matrix.

Realizes that Neo is the good guy.

What do you call a matrix on the matrix

A Domimatrix

My girlfriend's sister invited me over to her house to watch The Matrix.

I think I dodged a bullet.

Why is life like the matrix?

When you're young, you take the red pill, because you're depressed. When you're older, you take the blue pill because your wife doesn't do it for you anymore.

A warning to prisoners of the Matrix

Snitches get glitches

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My gf tried giving me a blowjob for the first time while I was watching the Matrix.

I love neophytes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why can't you eat soup in the Matrix?

Because there is no such thing as the Matrix, dumbass. It's just a movie.

I walked into a bar full of ugly women last night and swore I entered the Matrix.

Because all I was seeing were 1s and 0s

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got kicked out of Comic-Con for assaulting a guy who didnt know who Keanu Reeves played in The Matrix

That was the second time I've been called a neo-nazi.

My wife caught me performing an action scene from The Matrix, but luckily she thought I was doing yoga exercise..

I just ~~dodge~~ dodged a bullet

They changed something in the matrix...

and now all the eigenvalues are wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time I heard about Neo Nazis, I was confused because of The Matrix

I was like, "There's no way Neo could be a Nazi! He lives in a place called Zion and most of his friends are black!"

If you divide 2020 by 5 you get 404

So this this year is just a error message from the matrix

My neighbour hosted a party and the theme was The Matrix. My girlfriend got home when it was finished and said it was rubbish.

Looks like I dodged a bullet with that one.

Agent Smith

A long time ago, when Agent Smith was newly generated, he was tasked to kill the rogue program, The Oracle, and her son. He was new to the Matrix, and was unaware of her capabilities. So he tried to delete her by firing at her with his gun, though the Oracle safely removed herself and her son from d...

My friend said "Women directors have never had major success with a live action film"

So I said, "Nonsense! Just look at the Matrix trilogy."

A guy walks into a shady bar on 'ladies night',

He goes over to a group of questionable women and proclaims, "DAMN, I must be in the Matrix!"

One of the more questionable women responds, "What makes you say that?"

The guy replies, "Because all I see are 1's and 0's!"

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