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Stumbles Jokes

A Drunk Man Stumbles Out of A Bar...

...and sees two priests walking across the street. He staggers towards the two priests and stops in front of them.
He turns to the first priest and proudly says, “I’m Jesus Christ!” The first priest shakes his head and replies, “No, son, you’re not.”
He then turns to the second priest and say...

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m.

...and his wife is livid.
“You SWORE that you’d be home by 11:45!”
"No," slurs the mathematician...
“I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk stumbles into a confessional...

A drunk stumbles into a confessional after a midday binge. The priest, hearing the commotion on the other side of the divider, assumes the man is having quite the crisis and patiently waits for him to sit down and begin.



After a few moments of silence, to encourage the man to begin hi...

A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...

after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.

"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.

"Yes there...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night.

A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night. He asks the bartender for a drink and says, “I can’t pay you, but I’ll play you a song on that piano.” The bartender says what the hell and gives the man a shot of cheap whiskey. To his surprise, the drunk sits down at the piano and plays one of ...

A man stumbles upon a Genie and is granted 3 wishes.

Genie: What is your first wish?

Joe: I want to be rich.

Genie: Granted. What is your second wish?

Rich: I want lots of money.

A drunk stumbles out of a bar

He heads over to the parking lot where he left his car, trying to remember which one was his.

A police officer was monitoring the lot and immediately noticed the stumbling man. The officer walked over to him, looked at the drunks' face and said "Pardon me, sir- your eyes appear to be bloodsho...

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.

Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".

Genie: Wait, what? Why?

Man: It's for a joke, trust me.

Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?

Man: Yes.

Burger King: Have it your way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*Offensive* A man walking along the train tracks stumbles upon a genie's lamp

The man rubs the lamp & the genie grants him 3 wishes, but a young boy nearby witnesses it all unfold. As the man is about to make his wishes, a train passes by and the curious boy is unable to hear his wishes... when the train is done passing, the genie is gone, but the man is still there, coun...

A drunk stumbles home after midnight, and his wife is angry.

"Where the hell have you been?"

He says, "I've been out looking for you!"

"Looking for me? I've been here all day!"

"Well, it figures, you'd be in the last place I look!"

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the River.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.
The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher... I sure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk old man stumbles into a bar . . .

It’s the roughest bar at the end of the roughest street in town. It’s full of the scariest, meanest bikers you ever saw. Swaying slightly, he scans the room and stops when he finds the biggest, toughest-looking guy in the place. He stumbles over to the guy’s table, points at him and says in a loud v...

A man stumbles out of the bar...

A near by cop patiently waits and watches as the man fumbles in his pockets and drops his keys. The man proceeds to spend 5 minutes trying to unlock the door, another 10 turning on and off the headlights, a few more turning the window wipers on and off. About an hour passes and the lot empties. When...

6 months ago a man stumbles across a genies bottle and is granted three wishes

He tells the genie "I am a simple man. All I wish for is to spend more time with my family, have a shorter commute and a case of Corona"

A man stumbles across an old oil lamp in an antique store...

The lamp is very dusty, so he gives it a rub, and the room starts to shake, and a genii appears.

He announces, "I am the Great Genii of the lamp! Since you've freed me, I will grant you one wish."

The man replies, "Just one?"

The genii relies, "Blame Reganomics, now time is sh...

Two men are walking when one suddenly stumbles.

Man 2: That was a nasty fall, are you alright?

Man 1: Oh no, I'm just looking for something I lost.

Man 2: What did you lose?

Man 1: My balance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian stumbles on something hard and sharp on his way home from work one night.

He bends over to pick up the object and proceeds to brush the snow off of it only to discover a genie rushing out of this lamp.
“Hello master, I can grant you one wish.”
After half a second of thought the Russian says “I want to piss Vodka for the rest of my days.”
“Granted” says the genie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy stumbles upon a magical snake in the desert…

Surprised he pulls his gun to kill it but the snake says ‘don’t, I’ll grant you three wishes!’.

Ok snake, says the cowboy, if you don’t, I’ll kill ya. First i want a mansion; the snake replies, granted!
A mansion appears there and there, in the middle of the desert.

The cowboy; as...

Vladimir Putin suffers a heart attack amidst the Ukraine crisis, and falls into a coma...

... A few years later, he wakes up, gets back on his feet and walks out of his room, right past the sleeping guard.

He walks out of the hospital onto the streets of Moscow, and finds that most people don't recognize him. Several years of vegetative coma seem to have taken its toll on his appe...

Cow stumbles into pot field

The steaks have never been higher.

Credit to indian hills puns check them out they're great

A Woman walks in the forest and meets a genie.

A woman one day takes a hike around the forest by her house, to take some time off from people.

She stumbles upon a teapot, grabs it, and (obviously) rubs it. A Genie appears:

"Hello lady, you've released me from my trap. Now I shall grant you 3 wishes, but theres a catch. Whatever I g...

So this drunk guy stumbles up to a cop...

And says, “excuse me officer I lost my car” and the officer says, “well where did you see it last?”
Guy: “it was right here on the end of my key”
Officer: “Alright well head down to the station and they’ll set you up with the proper paperwork, but before you go, you might want to zip up your ...

A man stumbles across a magic lamp while walking in a forest

Upon rubbing it a genie appears and says that for freeing him he will grant him one wish.

The man thinks for a while and finally says :
" I wish that I peed out don perignon champagne"

The genie albeit confused grants the wish.

The man quickly hurries home and tells it all h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pissed drunk man stumbles onto the bus on his way home...

When he finally hobbles his way to the last empty seat, he turns to see a posh stiff lady seated with her frilly pink French poodle.

He turns his head shakily and slurs, "Where'dh ye get tha' pig?"

The lady huffs and retorts, "Ugh! Why, I'll have you know Mr. Squiggles is **not** a pig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this drunk guy stumbles up to a police officer

He said, "Officer, someone stole my car!"

The officer in disbelief asked him "Oh yeah where was it last?" The drunk replied "right on the end of this key."

The officer, clearly unimpressed and wanting to move on with his day said to him "Okay buddy, why don't you just take yourself d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man stumbles into his house with a chicken under his arm...

His wife is waiting for him in bed, pissed off. The man looks at his wife and says “this... this is the pig... that I been fuckin”
His wife says “you stupid son of a bitch, that’s a chicken!”
To which the man replies “I was talking to the chicken!”

A man stumbles out of a bar just before closing time.

An officer was already outside, waiting for drink-drivers. She watches as the man nearly trips down the stairs outside the bar, stagger over to his car, and fumble in his pocket for his keys.

Looks like I've got one, the officer thinks to herself.

15 minutes later, closing time finally...

Jehovah is showing Ra around Heaven one day...

... when a man runs up to them, crosses himself, then spreads his arms and closes his eyes.

"Excuse me," Jehovah says to Ra, "this will only take a second." He waves his hands, there's a flash of light, and a purring kitten goes scampering away from where the man had been.

"Other than ...

Genghis Khan stumbles across a great palace in Northern China

It was a magnificent golden palace, with beautiful ornaments covering every surface as it towered over the surrounding landscape with its size. The steps leading up to the front entrance were crafted from the finest marble, the pillars holding up the ceiling sculpted with the rarest jade. It was tru...

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

An Irish Man Walks Into A Bar...

...and stumbles to the bartender. “Barkeep, Oi’ll have a point”, he slurs.

The bartender looks him over critically. “A pint? Sorry sir, but I can’t serve you. You’re clearly too drunk.”

The Irish man scrunches his eyebrows, peers at the barkeep, turns around and trips out the front doo...

A man stumbles across an old lamp.....

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget ...

So a dwarf stumbles out of a bar...

...because he's a little drunk.

An atheist is hiking in the woods...

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu...

A lone traveller, weary and famished from days on the road, stumbles across an old inn on a desolate mountain trail.

His eyes light up as he sees light coming from the windows, realizing he is about to enjoy his first hot meal in weeks.

He bursts through the doors of the inn and finds it bustling with activity. Every table is packed with patrons merrily drinking and feasting.

The traveller searches ...

An old Jewish man is walking along the beach when he stumbles upon a magic lamp

He picks it up, rubs it, and--sure enough--a genie pops out.

The genie says to the old man, "I will grant you anything you want."

The old man pulls a map out of his back pocket and points to the Middle East.

"You see this? I would like peace in the Middle East between Israelis a...

A young blonde fears that her boyfriend is seeing another girl... One day, the girl is visiting her boyfriend's apartment for lunch and stumbles across another woman's discarded garments on his bedroom floor.

After sitting coolly through the meal, avoiding eye contact, she quietly excuses herself without explanation. She is incredibly hurt, and on her way home finds herself in a local gun shop, purchasing a handgun. The next day she awakens with renewed vengeance for her lover's betrayal. She dresses and...

A pirate awkwardly stumbles into a bar.

Bartender: What's wrong?

Pirate: Aye, a scallywag shoved me boat's steering wheel down me pants and it's stuck there in me crotch!

Bartender: That sounds painful.

Pirate: Aye, it's a driving me nuts.

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, "I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double."

The man agrees to the terms and says, "I wish for a billion dollars." Instantly, he has a billion dollars and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar of 100$ bills on the counter

He asks the bartender "Hey, what's with the jar?"

The bartender replies "Well, we have a running challenge here in the bar. It has three parts. If you look at the end there, you'll see Big Jim. Big Jim is the baddest motherfucker in town. You have to knock Big Jim out."

The guy looks d...

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A guy traveling through a small town walks into the only bar. There’s one other patron in the entire place, already drunk. The drunk man stumbles over, wraps an arm around the traveler’s shoulder and begins to talk:

“Did you see that fence on your way in? I built that fence. Do they call me Fence-Builder Johnson? No...” He downs a shot of whiskey.
“Did you see that barn down the road? I built that barn. Do they call me Barn-Raiser Johnson? No...” He downs another shot of whiskey.
“Did you see those storef...

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp. Intrigued by his discovery, he proceeds to rub the lamp and before his very eyes, a genie appears.

"I have finally been released from my slumber and now I shall grant you three wishes in return. choose wisely!" The genie says.

The man considers his de...

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man stumbles around downtown..

and he is approached by a cop.
The cop says, "Excuse me sir, where are you going?"

The drunk replies with a slurred "I'm just looking for my car, but I can't find it. I think someone took it."

"Well where was the last place you saw it?"

The drunk says "Right h...

A man stumbles upon a group of Redditors

One yells out 58 and they all start giggling. The man is puzzled and asks them what's so funny.

A Redditor tells him that they know all the jokes and instead of telling them, they just say the numbers assigned to the joke and they all remember it and laugh.

The man turns to the reddito...

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A drunk man stumbles into a bar...

A drunk man stumbles into a bar and approaches the bartender and orders two shots of whiskey.

Bartender says "damn man, you look like you've had a shitty day"
Drunk man, slightly crying says "it'sss been the worst day of my whole liffffe! I wassss standing on the corner of street taking ...

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A drunken farmer stumbles upstairs into his bedroom, waking his wife.

She sits up and sees the husband carrying a sheep underneath his arm. The farmer yells, "See, honey, this is the pig I've been fucking." The wife yells back, "you idiot, that's not a pig, it's a sheep!" The farmer says, "shut the fuck up, I was talking to the sheep!"

A man stumbles into r/Jokes

He looks around, refreshing his window, switching from hot to new, from new to top. His face furrows in disgust.

"These aren't even clever, they're just repetitive, poorly executed punchlines with variations in the setup in order to get karma quick."

He calls over his eleven year old s...

Dave stumbles upon an oil lamp

Dave then picks up the lamp and begins to rub some of the dust off of it. Then out of nowhere a genie comes flying out of it. Dave is ecstatic and cannot believe his luck. The genie then begins to talk to him:
Genie: Dave, you have released me from my lamp, I shall now grant you three wishes. ...

In an alternate universe, Aladdin stumbles upon the magic lamp

He picks it up, rubs it and out pops the genie. In this universe, however, the genie only grants you *one* wish and it’s from three pre-selected items of the genie. Aladdin, who obviously doesn’t know about the original story and therefor have no objections, happily accepts these ridiculous rules....

A drunken man stumbles upon a baptism in the River Jordan

The priest is standing there, dunking people's heads underwater,and when they emerged he would ask if they'd found Jesus.

The drunk wanders down to the river to join in, and when it gets to his turn, the priest dunks his head under the water. when he gets back up, he asks the man if he had f...

so a guy is speeding down a freeway, miles above the speed limit, and a cop pulls him over.

he comes up to the man and asks, "why were you speeding today sir?" the man replies, "i'm a juggler in a circus, and i'm late for my next show. i apologize. i assume you'll be needing my license and registration."

the cop looks intrigued, and says "whoa, hold on a sec. my daughter loves juggl...

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An old bum stumbles into a bar...

An old bum stumbles into a bar and saddles up at the bar. He slaps the bar top and yells to the bartender “Keep! Get me a shot o’ 20 year-old scotch!”. The bartender is busy wiping down glasses and casually reaches underneath the bar, grabs the first bottle his hand gets to, pours a shot and sets...

An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...

Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"

"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.

"I'm from Pittsburgh...

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A man stumbles home drunk..

His wife happens to be up for his return and asks him "are you drunk?"

The man promptly replies "No, i'm not fucking drunk."

The woman replies "You are drunk."

Again he replies "I'm not fucking drunk"

"Can you tell the time?"

The man turns to th...

A drunk stumbles into a library and says: "I'll take a double gin and tonic!"

The librarian leans forward with a severe whisper: "You are in a library!"

The drunk, all manners and apologetic leans over the counter and whispers slow: "I'll take a double gin and tonic."

A drunk stumbles out of a bar...

...and meanders down the street. He makes his way into a church and enters the confessional booth. A priest is there and waits a minute, but the drunk says nothing. He waits 5 minutes, then 10, and still there's silence. Finally, the priest knocks loudly on the dividing wall, and the drunk pipes...

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A drunk woman stumbles into a bar...

She sits down, and says to the bartender, "Beertender! Gimme a drooble martuni, and put a pickle in it."

The bartender, quite fluent in drunkese, pours her a double martini, drops in an olive, and slides it over to woman. She lights up a cigarette, slams the martini, and takes another drag ...

A drunk stumbles out of the bar at 7am....

As he walks home, he sees a nun walking towards him. He stares her down the entire time as they get closer and closer. Right as they are about to pass, he punches her right in the face, knocking her out cold, then stands over her body and yells, "Not so tough today, are ya, Batman?".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese man stumbles home late one night really drunk...

Seeing his wife at the top of the stairs he says "hey baby how about a little number 69!"

The wife replies, "you drunk sonofabitch, make your own Mongolian Beef Stew!"

A zookeeper stumbles across a man throwing five-dollar bills into the monkey cage.

“What the heck are you doing?” the zookeeper asks.



“The signs says it’s cool,” the man answers, pointing to a sign in front of the cages.



“No, it doesn’t,” the zookeeper replies.



“Sure it does,” says the man, tossing another bill in the cage. “It says, ‘D...

A duck stumbles out of a bar at closing time...

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a duck stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for severa...

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, "Free Beer For Life If You Can Pass Our Test!"

He asks the bartender, "What's this 'test' you have?"
The bartender says, "Well first, you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequilla. Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator. And finally, we have a girl up stairs who's never slept with a man, and you gotta g...

A new redditor stumbles upon /r/jokes...

While reading the rules, he sees a new post simply titled: "43."

It gets upvoted and the comments are filled with "lol" and "made my day."

After a little while, another post appears: "37."

Again, upvotes, and people laughing.

Confused, the redditor messages the mods:...

A penguin goes on vacation..

A penguin is driving his car through the country when it starts to smoke. He brings it to the local garage and asks the mechanic to look at it. The mechanic shakes his head and says, "I'll take a look, but it might take some time." The penguin shrugs and replies, "That's alright, I'll wander aroun...

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way, buddy, you're too drunk."

A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom.

Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time, ...

A frazzled looking doe stumbles out of the woods at night

And thinks to herself "I'm never doing that for two bucks again".

A man stumbles out of a bar on St. Patrick’s day, bumps into a policeman, and burps right in his face!

The cop, though startled, calmly directs him to a taxi without issue.

There was a presumption of Guinness hints.

A man is walking along the beach with his wife when he stumbles upon an oil lamp poking from the sand...

Intrigued, the man picks it up and begins to rub the sand off it. To his surprise, a genie emerges from the lamp!

The genie says in a mighty voice, "As a reward for releasing me, I shall grant you three wishes. However, your wife shall receive double of what you ask for."

Without hesit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk Scotsman stumbles out of a pub on a windy Saturday night...

...halfway home he passes out on the street, and a gust blows his kilt up, exposing his privates.

Next morning a flock of little old ladies are on their way to church. They see him in all his indecent glory and are aghast. The bravest one pulls a length of blue ribbon from her purse, tent...

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

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A drunk stumbles out of a bar...

A drunk stumbles out of a bar with a key in his hand. A cop sees him and says, “Can I help you, sir?” “Yes! Somebody stole my car.” The cop asks, “Where was the last time you saw it?” “It was on the end of this key,” says the man. The cop looks down and notices that the man’s penis is hanging out of...

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A hunter gets a new gun...

So a hunter gets a new gun one day and decides to go hunting with it. He goes out into the woods and stumbles upon a nice-sized black bear, so he takes his gun and shoots the bear dead. Then he feels a tap on his shoulder...

The man turns around and sees this huge brown bear and the bear says...

It's my cake day, so I wanna share my favorite joke :-)

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

He forced himself to ...

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon an ancient village.

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon a legendary ancient village. The villagers, who to the man's surprise are still alive and well, lavish him with praise. They think he must be a god! But he must first be tested, just to be sure.

So the chief of the village takes him to a row of ...

Drinking problem

A bartender is sitting behind his bar when a well dressed but obviously intoxicated man stumbles in.

"Bartender! A drink for everyone, a drink for me, and a drink for yourself!" The man yells as he approaches.

Bartender pours all the drinks, the the whole bar cheers, they all drink. ...

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A man is lost in the forest and stumbles upon a hotel.

Tired, lost and hungry; a John has been wandering through the woods for what has felt like days. He stumbles upon a strange house and feels a deep sense of relief as he notices a light is on.

He knocks and a peculiar looking old man opens the door.

"Please. Please. I am lost and hungry...

A cop is waiting outside the bar at closing time

He knows its easy pickings for DUI's as the bar closes. Sure enough, right at 2am, a man stumbles out to his car. The cop watches as he fumbles to get his keys out, struggles to unlock and open the door, and drops the keys repeatedly before finally getting them in the ignition and starting the car...

A man stumbles across an old lamp while he was at his attorney's office

Figuring his luck has to change, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie.
The genie explains to him that he gets three wishes, and whatever he wishes for, his wife gets double.
The man asks for his first wish.
"The first thing I want is a million dollars."
The genie says, "Okay, but you ...

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and rubs it, revealing a genie that claims to grant the man three wishes.

The genie says "I can grant you three wishes, but your worst enemy gets twice what you wished for."

The man agrees. He says, "My first wish is to have 20 billion dollars.

The genie agrees, reminding the man once again the rules, to which the man is still fine with.

The man then ...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits down at the counter and starts getting himself really good and drunk. Like, properly pissed. After a while, he feels a certain heaviness in his colon, so he calls over the bartender.

"'Scuse me," he asks blearily. "Where's the bathroom?"

"Oh, it's right down the hall!" the bart...

A man stumbles and falls into a well....

....and grasps a spindly root that stops his fall but not before he has traversed a hundred feet. His grip loosening, he cries out in desperation, "Is there anybody up there?!"

He looks up only to see a circle of the sky. Suddenly, the clouds part and amidst them comes forth a beam of bright ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a mouse that used to stop by a neighborhood tavern every night…

Like clockwork, at 5:15 pm that screen door would kick open and if you looked closely you’d see that crazy little mouse. He’d sprint to his bar stool, spin around the pole on one arm and hop right up to the cushion with a big shit-eating grin. High fives with the bartender. “Gimme a beer, Sam!” “Sur...

In ancient times, a christian priest stumbles into a bloodsoaked pagan and screams "Dear God!"

To which the startled pagan replies "deer god!"

A boy is born without a body

A boy is born without a body and miraculously survives. Even though he has no body parts below the neck he manages to make it through high school and on his 18th birthday his father takes him out for his first drink.

The boy drinks his first beer and instantly grows a torso. In utter shock, t...

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So there's this guy that moved into an African village...

He finds the locals aren’t accepting him because he hasn’t passed the initiation ceremony.

To be accepted, he has to drink three jugs of the local booze, have sex with the first woman he finds and then kill a lion with his bare hands.

He drinks the three jugs, gets obliterated and stu...

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A cop waits for a bar to close and watches for drunks to drive off...

The first man out the door stumbles, wanders around looking for his car, then drops the keys under his car and starts crawling around looking for them. The cop, knowing if he waits until the guy finds his keys and pulls out he'll have a DUI arrest, sits and watches him for a while. Eventually the ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender

I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference." 

The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch...

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