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A bear and a rabbit were strolling through the forest…

… when suddenly they realize that they both need to take a dump. So they sit beside each other and do their business. As they are finishing, the bear looks down at the rabbit and asks: “Does shit cling to your fur?”. The rabbit, confused, looks up at the bear and answers “no”. “Great” says the bear,...

Dracula was casually walking down the street for a late night stroll.

All of a sudden, a mozzarella stick flies through the air and hits him on the side of the head. He looks around slightly perplexed, but doesn't think too much of it.

A few meters further on and a chicken wing smacks him in the nuts. As he doubles over in pain, out of nowhere, he is drenched i...

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You are strolling through the forest with a friend...

When you hear a bear nearby. Your friend, who's quicker than you, climbs a tree nearby and leaves you behind.

The bear appears, horny as hell, looks at you and fucks you in the ass before going on his way. Your friend comes down, has a good laugh, then carries you back home.

The next d...

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So I was out taking a stroll when a bird suddenly pooped on me...

I guess you could say that this left me in a fowl mood.

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A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?"

"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a...

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A gorilla was strolling through the jungle when he came upon a lion trapped in quicksand (nsfw)

"Save me, gorilla!" shouted the lion. "Drowning in the quicksand is no way for the king of the jungle to die!"

The gorilla quickly grabbed the lion by the rear and started pounding him in the ass.

When he finished he yanked the lion from the quicksand, tossed him as far as he could, an...

Two native Cubans are going for a stroll through the forest.

The first guy mentions that he didn’t finish his hunting quota in time for supper, and explains that if he doesn’t find something suitable soon, his wife is going to be very cross with him.

The second guy, recognizing his friend’s plight, offers to assist the first in his hunt but asks a favo...

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street.

Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and
the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything
you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."
Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want,<...

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I was strolling through the graveyard, walking my dog when...

I happened across a man, crouched behind a gravestone.

"Morning" I said, tipping my hat to him.

"Nope" he replied "Just taking a shit"

A couple economists are strolling down the street

One looks in a store front window and says "That's a nice pair of shoes". The other replies, "Nonsense, if there was a nice pair of shoes, someone would have looted them already."

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An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon....

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself...

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After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.



When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"



The mysterious Man answered "This isn...

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

A fruit and a vegetable stroll into a bar.

The bartender calls out :
"Oh, anything the matter? You look confused today, tomato"

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Two Englishmen are strolling down a London street,

when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles.

One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!"

His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly,
and replies,

"I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him fi...

An old Russian joke

An American spy infiltrates Soviet Russia. To fit in he becomes a regular at the local bar. He calls himself Sasha and he makes new friends.

One day his friend tells him, "Sasha, you are not one of us, you are an American spy."

"How could you say that Ivan? What would make you believe ...

Two boys are taking a stroll through the woods, when they come across this well

They take a look down the well, and can't see the bottom. They want to know how long the drop is so one of them throws a pebble down there.

They wait a while......nothing.

They spot a good sized rock and toss it down the well next.

They wait a while.....still nothing.

The...

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At school PE was my favorite class, probably cause I had the biggest cock. I used to stroll around the changing room naked, flicking kids with my towel, laughing at their little knobs...

Looking back I think that's probably why I had to leave teaching.

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A man walks into a bar and strolls up to the counter

Without a word he pulls out a miniature piano and a foot tall man from his jacket. The tiny man immediately starts playing a beautiful sonata.

"Thats amazing son. Where in the world did you get him from?", asked the bartender.

The man pulls out a magic lamp and sets it on the counter...

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A young couple that tragically died in a car crash before they could get married meets up in heaven.

As they are walking one day silently discussing something, God happens to be walking by and overhears their whispers.

God: My children, why do I hear two young people in love quarreling, what could be the problem?

Guy: Well we were actually just on our way to you and we were arguing ab...

Two parents are taking their newborn son for a stroll. A passerby looks into the carriage and exclaims, "What a beautiful baby!". The father thanks the passerby, and added, "Yes, my son here is some of my best work!"

The mother, slightly miffed, asks her husband, "Why did you take all the credit? I carried this baby for none months. I delivered him after 10 hours of labor. All you did was have10 minutes of fun!"

The husband replied, "When you have a good meal, who do you thank? The chef or the oven?"<...

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I gotcha 3 wishes...

Into my pub one evening, strolled the craziest sight to behold for a Saturday night. This classy looking rolled/player walked to my counter with a gorgeous lady on his right arm, a younger looking woman on his left arm and a leprechaun on his shoulder.

Roller: Barkeep, bring a martini for ea...

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Early one morning a fat kid was sitting in an airport terminal eating a giant size candy bar.

An older man strolled by and saw the boy.

He stopped abruptly and asked "Hey kid, do you think it's a good idea to be eating a giant candy bar for breakfast?"

The boy replied "I don't know, but my grandpappy lived to be 102 years old."

The old man said "I'm sure he did, but he ...

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Walk in the park...

Walking through the woods a man comes up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree."


"You gotta be kiddin' me."


"No, would y...

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A farmer strolls over to visit his neighbor, and finds him dancing, naked, in the barn in front of the farm equipment.

The farmer gasps, "Whoa! What are you doing?!"

His neighbor replies, "Well, me and the wife haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately, and our therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a friendly stroll through the forest when they both have to take a dump

So they each go to find a tree. Afterwards, as they resume their walk, the bear asks

“Rabbit, do you ever have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?”

“Not at all” Rabbit says proudly.

So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit a couple times and tosses him in a bush.

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One morning, a guy was looking at his beautiful body in the mirror.

He realized he was getting a nice tan all over, except on his dick. But how to tan only his penis without over tanning his body?
So he had an idea. He went to the beach, buried himself in the sand completely except for his penis, which was sticking out of the sand.


Later, two old ladi...

A cowboy strolls into town on his horse fireball and goes straight to the saloon. He drinks straight whiskey for a few hours, never moving except to take another drink. When he's done he gets up and walks out of the saloon.

He immediately runs back in and yells, "Alright! Who took fireball?" But nobody makes a noise.


He continues, "Okay, I'm gonna give y'all to the count of three then we're gonna have a repeat of what happened back in '71."


"ONE!" He pauses and nobody moves a muscle.

...

My dwarf friend went for a stroll, urinating all the way.

Long walk of a short pee-er.

A Priest and a Rabbi are sitting on a park bench ehen a kid strolls by

Priest: Hey, we should screw that kid.

Rabbi: Out of what?

Trump is walking down the street with his buddy, Mike Pence...

They're enjoying a little stroll about Parliment when they see a kid smoking a cigarette.

Trump, apalled, asks the boy what grade he's in.

"Two," replied the boy.

Trump starts berating the boy about how he shouldn't be smoking at such a young age, when Pence grabs him by the sho...

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like t...

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Superman was taking a stroll one night

As he walks past the local church, the priest runs out to him and says "Superman, you've got to help us. The walls that lead to the basement has collapse, and there are people trapped down there!!

"No way", he replies. "I can't go near the crypt tonight!"

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A dude gets stranded on a deserted isle all alone....

Six months later, a woman walks out of the ocean in a wet suit. She's gorgeous.

She strolls up and says, "Want a scotch on ice?"

The guy is dumbfounded and nods yes.

She unzips the wet suit a little and pulls out a flask, ice and a glass. She makes a Walker over ice.

She ...

My mom told me this one

A farmer is worried sick about his horse Reginald who is basically on his death bed. He calls a vet to check up on him but the vet looks hopeless and says, "I'll be honest with you man, he's pretty much in his final stages. I do know this experimental three day treatment, but its not known to work. ...

I went for a walk down by the lake yesterday.

As I was strolling, I spotted a man splashing around in the middle shouting, "I can't swim! I can't swim!" "It's okay," I shouted back, pointing to a nearby sign. "It says no swimming anyway!"

What do you call a caveman strolling through a park?

A meanderthal.

So an African migrant is strolling down a sidewalk in Nuremberg.

He comes up to the first man he sees and says "Thank you, for allowing me to come to Germany. Thank you for giving me health care, and a place to live, and food to eat."

The man looks at him and says "I'm not German, I'm Albanian."

The African says "Oh, excuse me" and continues walkin...

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A priest and a rabbi are strolling down the city together one evening when they spot a little boy wandering down an alley...

The priest says “Let’s fuck him!” The rabbi says, “Out of what?”

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Two buddies were out for a saturday stroll

One had a doberman and the other had a chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."

The guy with the chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Dober...

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John was walking on the beach...

Enjoying a nice stroll along the water when he stumbles upon a woman with no arms or legs. John approaches the woman who says to him, “hello, I’ve never been hugged before. Will you hug me?”

John, feeling sorry for the limbless woman decides to oblige her request, and hugs her before going ab...

What do you call a primitive man who like leisurely strolls?

A meanderthal.

Your duck is dead...

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distres...

Ted Bundy was out one day having a lovely stroll with a lady friend.

They were walking through a gorgeous, secluded forest. After walking a while the sun was setting and it began to get dark.

The young lady turned to Ted and said, 'It's starting to look creepy here, I'm scared'.

Ted looked at her astonished and replied 'You're scared? How do you think ...

A blind man walks into...

A blind man and his seeing eye dog enter the local department store.
As the store manager strolls by he thinks, "It wonderful to see this man navigate the store without a single misstep or bumping into anything."

Just as he was about to approach the man, the manager observes the blind man...

The two young artichokes were very much in love.

The couple were strolling down the boulevard one sunny afternoon. Up ahead, a delivery truck had a blowout and swerved across two lanes, finally jumping the curb and hitting the boy artichoke, knocking him flat.

It was awful. The ambulance came and the EMTs did their best to resuscitate him. ...

Three seniors are out for a stroll.

One of them remarks, “It’s windy.”


Another replies, “No way. It’s Thursday.”


The last one says, “Me too. Let’s have a soda.”

As my wife-to-be strolled to meet me at the aisle, looking beautiful in her wedding dress, I could tell something was wrong...

She told me she was going to kill me...

It was a thinly veiled threat.

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The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

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Two old men were sitting at the park, just Watching people stroll by.

“Ralph,” one says “how long have we been sitting here?”

“‘Round about 40 minutes, Fred, why?”

“I think that’s the same guy we saw yesterday, selling those buttons.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. Think those people realize it’s a scam?”

“Probably not,” Fred said, raising h...

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A daddy dog was taking his puppy for a walk in the neighborhood.

As they came upon an empty tin can he said to his son: "While we are taking our stroll I will teach you three lessons, this is the first one, so watch carefully." And he went to the tin can and licked it clean on the inside.

They went on, on the other side of the road there came a lady dog, l...

Jack the Ripper and a lovely young lady were taking a stroll through the woods together...

as it started getting darker, the lady got closer to Jack the Ripper and said, "Stay close to me, I'm scared of the dark!" Jack replied, "You're scared? I'm the one who has to walk home alone!!"

Pinocchio, Snow white, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

A Brass Rat

A collector of brass objects was strolling around an old antique market when he spotted a long forgotten brass rat pushed into a far corner of one of the shops.

The purchase was soon made and the man departed. However, he hadn't gone too far when he noticed a rat running up behind him and wit...

Love at Last!

George, age 92 and Edith, age 89 are all excited about their decision to get married.They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. George suggests they go in and he addresses the man behind the counter.

"Are you the owner? "The pharmacist answers, "Yes". <...

Two packets of crisps are strolling down the street when a car pulls alongside them...

The driver asks if they would like a lift.

The crisps say, "No thanks, we're Walkers."

Paddy had just arrived in New York from Ireland and was invited by one of his American cousins to go to his first baseball game.

Seated in the Yankee Stadium bleachers, he watched as a man swung a
stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag
down the line. Everyone stood up and yelled,
"Run, run!"
Then a second guy came up to the plate,
whacked the ball and started down toward the
white bag. Everyone sto...

A rich man was strolling along a riverside with his 6 year old daughter and they came to a bridge...

On the bridge there was a hobo sitting and shaking his cup. As they were walking past, the rich man wasn't keeping an eye on his daughter, who was playing with the bars of the railing and she slipped through and fell in. Not knowing how to swim himself, the man shouted for help. Without saying a wor...

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So, one fine day, a man is strolling through an open-air market place.

He stops at one of the live animal stalls and buys a chicken thinking that he will take it home, and make a nice chicken stew for dinner. On his way home he passes a theater that is showing a movie that he has been wanting to see and he decides to go in. The woman at the box office sees the chicken ...

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A man is sitting on his favorite bench in the park, watching kids play and couples stroll by hand in hand, all in all a nice morning.

After a while, he notices two men in the distance, each carrying a shovel. The first one digs a big hole, goes six feet forward, and digs the next. The second one waits about two minutes, and fills the holes again behind his buddy.

This goes on until they have dug and filled ten holes, after ...

Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....

...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for s...

Two nuns are out for a stroll...

... they happen by a produce stand with lots fresh-from-the-farm offerings.

The first nun says "Oh my, look at those cucumbers. They look great and they're huge!"

The second nun nods her head excitedly and asks: "How much are those cucumbers young man?"

"They're three for two ...

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A priest was friends with Stephanie, a blonde woman who regularly attends his services.

As the priest was strolling through town one day, he noticed Stephanie's father holding hands with another man. Shocked, the priest calls his friend later that day to verify what he saw.

"Hey Stephanie, I believe your dad might be homosexual. Is this true?"

"Of course not! He would hav...

2 Old Farmers

Two old farmers have each 1 big meadow and only 1 sheep.

One farmer proposes to remove the fence between their meadows because the sheep are both lonely. The second farmer agrees, however he wonders how they could tell which sheep belongs to whom.
The first farmer comes up with the idea ...

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Four nuns were out for a stroll one day...

...when a bus lost control and plowed into them, killing them all instantly.

When they arrive at the pearly gates they are greeted by Saint Peter.

"Good to see you, sisters," he said. "Before I let you in to Heaven, you will each have to answer a question." He asked the first nun, "H...

Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...

When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.

In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"

"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"

There is a silence, a...

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My take on a shaggy dog story

A man walks into a bar, orders a pint and sees a sign pinned up above the till - “talking cat, going cheap.”

He calls the barman over and asks him what the deal with the cat is and can he have a look at it. The man shrugs, goes into the back and returns with a mangy old Tom cat.

“Here ...

Two guys took their dogs for a stroll....

... and after a while the one says:

Dog Owner A: Let's go and get something to bite at this restaurant over here.

Dog Owner B: Can't do. They don't accept pets.

Dog Owner A: No worries. Just follow me and do as I do.

So the guy puts on his shades and enters confidently th...

Two boxers light up a blunt

After a couple hours, both of them are pretty damn high, they start telling each other stories. One of them says, "Oh man, the other day I went on the craziest date with my wife. I got home after practice and told her to get ready. A couple minutes later we head out into that beautiful forest next t...

How easy is it to stroll along on pies?

Well, it's no cakewalk.

I caught the flu in Madrid

I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick?" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor u...

A blind man was taking a stroll

And on his walk he passed by a fish market. As we he was walking by, he took a deep breath and said "Well hello, ladies!"

A man is strolling past the mental hospital

and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the tim...

One day Jesus was strolling around...

...when he comes across a sad old man, searching something desperately.
"What are you searching for old man?" He asks.
"My son." responds the old man.
Jesus tells the man that he will aid him in finding his son. But wanta more information: "Do you have any information about him? Anything s...

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Couple talking a walk

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. As they walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback ...

Two Jewish Men are out for a stroll...

2 Jewish men - Abraham and Jacob - are out for a walk and notice a Catholic church with a sign "We pay $100 when you convert to Catholicism!"

Abraham says: "I'm going to see what being Catholic is all about". He goes inside the church for 20 minutes, and when he returns, Jacob is waiting ...

The conversion

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day, when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $20."

Murray stops and stares at the sign. Abe turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"

"Abe," replies...

Taking a stroll in the park is like robbing an Asian kitchen.

Either way, you're taking a wok.

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

Hiking

A young bear cub was roaming the jungle . An animal he had never seen before comes strolling out of the trees.

He asks " excuse me what kind of animal are you?"

The animal replys
" well, I am a tiger"

The bear acts suprised and says " are you sure? You don't look like a tiger."

The tiger says " Do you think I'm a lyin?"

An elderly man was sitting in a park

and noticed a young boy playing with an earth worm. The young boy was rubbing the worm and after a few moments the wiggly thing had become firm and straight as an arrow. The man watched the boy slide the worm into a drinking straw and placed the straw in his pouch.
The man was amazed at this s...

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A man and wife are having a stroll in the zoo

A husband and wife having a stroll in the zoo. Gorilla starts to get a hard on as he sees the wife. Husband says,"Lift your skirt and tease him." Ape goes mental. " Now get your tits out !" Ape goes berserk ! Husband opens the cage and throws his wife in. "Now try telling him you've got a fucken hea...

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The generals' stroll

Two generals are walking through a military base when they notice a pile of dog shit in front of them. They stop, examining it ponderously and begin to debate. The debate stretches on and on until the taller and thinner of the two calls out to a nearby soldier:

"I say, private! Tell us what t...

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gen...

Sherlock Holmes and his trusty associate Dr. John Watson are strolling leisurely through London's botanical gardens. (OC)

They are investigating the mysterious disappearance of a botanist who specialized in arboreal citrus.

Watson squints, focusing his gaze on something across the gardens. He gasps in surprise and grabs Sherlock's arm. He points at the thing that has captivated his attention and asks "Sherlock, ...

An Amish family visits a mall...

...the mother strolls along an aisle and experience modern life. The dad and the son, however, encounters an elevator.
"What is that, father?", the son asked.
"I don't know either, my son", replied the father, "Let's see what they use it for".
They then see an ugly, fat woman trudge into th...

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A black piece of tarmac walks into a bar.

*long*

A black piece of tarmac walks into a bar, strolls up to the bar and sighs "give me a Guinness mate"

The bartender gives him his drink and asks "rough day? ", the black piece of tarmac replies "aye I'm part of the A1 North and I've had all sorts over me today. 12 fucking lorries,...

I thought I’d try and impress the postman today...

I thought I’d try and impress the postman today. I woke up in a great mood and I KNEW my parcel was being delivered today, so I thought I’d try and make the postman’s day a little better too. So I had breakfast, made myself a coffee and sat by the door waiting for him.

11am, he strolls up th...

A man and his wife are visiting Russia.

They’re taking a stroll through what’s widely known as a socialist part of town, when it starts to drizzle.

The wife turns and says to her husband, and says, “Let’s go back to the hotel. It’s raining.”

The man scoffs. “It’s not raining,” he says, “this is nothing.”

The wife dis...

How (not) to meet women at the beach

A young guy moved to the beach and is trying to meet women, but isn't having much luck. One day, the young guy is walking down the beach, and he passes an old guy, who is completely surrounded by young beautiful women in bikinis vying for his attention. The young guy scratches his head and keeps wal...

A man is strolling past an insane asylum when..

When he hears a loud chanting.

“Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!” goes the noise form within the mental hospital’s wards.

The man’s curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. It’s not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers...

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A vampire walks into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and goes straight up to the bartender and asks for a large warm glass of blood. Luckily, it happens to be a bar that serves vampires and quick as a tick the bartender hands over a long glass of blood, to which the vampire slurps it down happily.

Sooner than later, a...

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Fancy Chicago lawyer goes duck hunting in LA (Lower Alabama) (very long)

This lawyer had heard about the exceptional duck hunting in lower Alabama so he made plans to go one year. He left his hotel early and found a good spot by sun-up. He had the most expensive equipment money could buy.

He missed a few ducks, but then shot one. It flapped a couple times and lan...

Everyone knows the story of the three little pigs... here's another version:



The first little pig was playing in the forest, when the big bad wolf

spotted him and chased him back to his straw house. The pig hid inside,

peeking out at the wolf, who looked at the house, laughed, then huffed

and puffed and blew the house down. The pig, scared witles...

When small talk with the neighbors gets awkward.

I live in the Bible Belt and took a stroll around the neighborhood earlier in the week. At the turnaround an old man with a walker was getting the mail. He asked me my name and we engaged in some small talk.

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I was about to leave, but his wife came outside so I stayed and sai...

Jim and Steve are die-hard capitalists...

They go for a stroll together through a cow pasture, and Jim tells Steve that he will give him $20,000 to eat a pile of cow flop. Steve considers the suggestion, says what the heck, and eats a pile. Jim, laughing, gives him the money, and they continue on their merry way.

After a few minutes,...

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The Legend of Dirty Dan

My grandad used to make me laugh with this!



The lights went out, and the show began, down the isle strolled dirty dan. He pissed and shit all over the floor......then wiped his ass with a 2x4.

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A little girl is strolling through the garden with her father. She stoops down to examine a spiderweb.

"Daddy, what's that?"

"It's a spider, dear. A daddy-long-legs."

"So if this one is a daddy, does that mean that it marries a mommy-long-legs?"

Amused, he responds "No honey, they only marry another daddy-long-legs."

She stands and pauses to think for a moment. Suddenly ...

Three Ducks Go to Heaven

Okay, three ducks die and go to heaven. Gabriel is at the gate and he tells the ducks, "Tell me, honestly, how you died, and I'll let you into heaven."
So the first duck goes, "Well, my name's Quack and I was watching my friend blow bubbles underwater when a jet ski came by and hit me in the head...

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[Long] A guy walks into a bar and demands 3 shots of tequila. Bartender obliges and says, "rough day?". "You have no idea!", the guy replies as he slams down the shots...

He begins telling him about his horrible day when a jar full of money at the end of the bar catches his eye. "What's that jar of money for over there? It's full to the brim of $10's and $20's!"

Bartender tells him it's a challenge he offers to his patrons, $10 to play, and you have to complet...

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3 men survive a plane crash in the jungle.

Paddy, an Irishman, Jock, a Scotsman, and Edward, an Englishman.
The three men band together and set off in search of civilisation. After many hours trekking through the jungle the men come across 3 rotting dead birds.
“I’m not eating that!” Says a disgusted Edward.
“Aye it’s covered in ...

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A man went to a gigantic zoo to visit his buddy Oscar [LONG]

Once there, he marveled at all the animals in their different habitats. Still in awe, he then asked one of the employees where he could find Oscar.


"Oscar? I know two Oscars who work here. Are you looking for Oscar Peterson or Oscar Cocks?"


"Oscar Peterson is ...

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A llama was grazing in a field one day... (long)

... when another llama came over.

"Hello," said the first llama.

"Whatcha doing?" asked the second llama.

"Oh, you know, eating some grass. Care to join me?" replied the first llama.

"Oh, thank you," said the second. So now there were two llamas eating. Along came a third...

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I can't believe how many perverts

I can't believe how many perverts there are in the park nowadays, I only just strolled through, and literally everyone kept staring at my penis.

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A woman is out walking her dog...

A woman is out walking her dog by the canal, close to the University. She decides to let it off the leash to stretch its paws. It's at this horrendous moment that it bolts straight into the canal and begins to drown.

Luckily, a German exchange student was having a stroll at the time, and dive...

Insanity Does Not Run In My Family

It Strolls Through Taking Its Time Getting To Know Everyone Personally.

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

Jesus is granted one final request before departure.

As Jesus prepares to be sent down to Earth, God says to him, "since you're going to be doing me a huge favor going down to there as a mortal, I'll grant you one request while you're down there."

Jesus mulls over the offer for a moment while examining his human body. When his eyes stroll over ...

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A husband arrives home at 3 AM

His wife is waiting. Furious.

"Where have you been?"

"Honey I know you wouldn't believe me, but I was at work"

" 'till 3 AM??"

"And since I knew you wouldn't believe me - I brought my boss to explain everything"

In comes the husband's boss:

"Hi, Umm.. yes, ...

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