UPJOKE
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Uphill Jokes

My friend loves to run uphill.

He always feels inclined to do so.

Our parents had to walk uphill both ways in 2 feet of snow to get to school...

But they didn't have to dodge bullets when they get there.

What's worse than fighting an uphill battle?

Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there.

Husband vs Bull

A woman who lived with her husband on a large farm was recovering in hospital following an operation.

“The operation went well”, the doctor informed her, “and I think you're ready to go home. But make sure you get plenty of rest. No work or strenuous activity for the next week.”
...

A man goes to the mechanic.

He says "My car goes rr- rr-rr-"
The mechanic says "Yes, the transmission probably needs replacing."

The man frowns and says "My car goes rr-rr-rr-"
The mechanic says "Yes, the transmission probably needs replacing."

The man looks angry and says "Would you l-let me ff-finish! I h...

Somebody asked me recently why I took up downhill skiing

I told them uphill skiing was far too difficult

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water

Or so they say
But water clearly
Cannot do such wonders

Wells can only
Be located
Where the water flows

But water cannot
Go uphill
So where did Jack and Jill go?

We find out
That Jack and J...

A businessman and a gambler were travelling in the same plane. They were seated next to each other.

Businessman: Lets play a game of questions and answers. If you are not able to answer my question then you will give me $100. However if I am not able
to answer your question then I will give you $1000. Deal?

Gambler: Oh really? Its a deal then.

Businessman: How many countries are...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandfather, father, and son are paired with a very attractive woman for a round of golf

The three are amazed to find that this woman is an amazing golfer. She outplays them on almost every hold, and come up to the 18th green at 1 over par with a 20ft Birdie putt. She tells the three guys

"Alright, this is the first time I've ever had a chance at shooting par. Whoever correctly h...

Geeky trigonometry joke my dad used to tell me

What sound does a horse make while walking?
*Clop, clop.*

What sound does a horse make while walking uphill?
*Clop, clop* multiplied by the cosine of the slope angle.

I just recently bought a used car

and I took it back 2 days later.

"This car is useless. It doesn't go past 60 up a hill."

"60 uphill is really good. What's wrong with that?"

"I live at 74."

[LONG] The priest and the half lemon.

A priest was sent out to a rural village because the old priest has passed away. He meets the local people, they all get to know each other. His first mass goes well, but after the ceremony a slim man in poor clothing approaches the priest and says:

\- Excuse me father, be kind, and please gi...

Signs you drink too much coffee

- You answer the door before people knock.

- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

- You ski uphill.

- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

- You lick your coffeepot clean.

- You're the employee of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bird flies South

A bird overstayed his summer and was rushing to beat the cold by flying south.

Very soon the little bird became too cold to fly and it crashed to the ground. In a matter of minutes the little bird started to freeze solid and thus became unconscious.

There comes a cow from uphill and ...

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