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Stds Jokes

Why do chess masters never get STDs?

Because they always check, mate.

Apparently you can get STDs from toilet seats

But only if you sit down before the other guy gets up

STDs are a lot like Pokemon...

It's hard to catch them all, but once you do, the game is pretty much over.

Pokèmons are like STDs ....

I caught them all and now the fun is over.

If you don't like jokes about STDs...

... you're gonorrhea-lly hate this one!

I had to present a speech about STDs today.

Unfortunately, to get my point across I had to give everyone visual aids.

STDS are like Pokemon

My dad gave me the best ones when I was 12

How do you avoid STDs while in a dangerous cult?

By making sure to practice safe sects

What’s the difference between STDs and friends?

I don’t have any friends...

What do you call redditors when they get STDs

The HIVmind

I can't mention STDs around my friend who has herpes

It's a sore spot

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The womanizer, the drunk, and the pot head

There was a womanizer, a drunk and a pot head that got into a car accident and died. When they arrived in hell the devil told them "welcome to hell, as a punishment you will have to spend 1000 years in your own personal rooms with punishments specific to your sins and if you learn your lesson you ge...

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A man and a woman have sex

They were a little irresponsible and didn't use a condom. After having sex they're in bed doing some pillow talk.

Man: Hey, you don't have any STDs or anything like that right?

Woman: Oh no, I'm clean.

Man: Oh good. I didn't want to catch HIV again.

I love some of the old saying

Sharing is caring

If you love it let it go

It's the gift that keeps on giving

and feel the burn

are all great, except if you are talking about STDS

A man enters a brothel...

he talks to the Madame and tells her:" I am an exceptional pervert, i have tried unimaginably disgusting acts, but now i have run out of ideas, do you have something disgusting and unusual for me?"
The Madame tells him to go to a room on the 2nd floor and talk to the girl there.
He goes to...

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Doctor’s appointment

I went to the doctor’s recently to get tested for some STDs (it has been a crazy year, guys)
So I went into his Office and told him about my situation... When I was done explaining I asked him:
“So... How are we going to do this?”
He looked at me, smiled and Said:
“Well, son, you’ve hear...

A guy and a girl are lying in bed after a hookup.

"Listen," the guy says, "do you have that certificate that says you don't have STDs?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Well you can throw that away"

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A guy dies and suddenly finds himself in Hell...

He trepidatiously follows the crowd towards the Gates of Hell. He finds a demon holding a piece of cardboard with his name on it.

"Craig?," asks the demon as the man approaches.

"Y... yes," answers Craig, unsure of how to handle the situation.

"Hi. I'm Ed. I know what you're thi...

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Three guys go to hell. A fat guy, a sex addict, and a pothead...

Three guys go to hell. A fat guy, a sex addict, and a pothead.

The devil goes up to these guys and says - listen, I'm feeling nice today. I'm going to let each of you choose ONE thing and I'll lock you away in a room for a thousand years with it. The guys all look at each other in disbelief, ...

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A hillbilly goes to see a doctor.

The doctor tells him he contracted some pretty nasty STDs. And asks him how he might have gotten them.

"I know how I gots em, it's salmonella. From sleeping in the chicken coop."

"Sir. These are all sexually transmitted diseases people have. You can't catch them from poultry, no matt...

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A visit to the doctor

A man goes to see his doctor about a symptom he's noticed recently.

"Doc, I think something's wrong with my penis. It has a distinctly orange color to it lately."

"Well, have you been tested for any STDs?"

"Yes - all the results were clear, so that can't be it."

"Have yo...

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I love to fish

A man comes back from his honeymoon and is telling his friend about it, the friend asks "Where did you go on your honeymoon?" He replies "Lake Watahaxie". His friend says "but that's a fishing resort". he replies "Yep, I love to fish". His friend says "But it was your honeymoon, you're supposed t...

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