Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In the mirror.

Ba dum tss... >:-D!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the name of the Greek god of sexually transmitted diseases?

Herpes (badumm tss)

Why is grass so dangerous?

Because it's full of blades.

*bad dum tss*

Musicians! How do you make one million dollars playing jazz?

You start with two mil. Ba-dum-tss!

Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c?

Because you can't see in the dark.


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a casual-catholic scientist collectively refer to Christmas and Easter church services?

Critical Mass.


(AoT joke) What happened to the Survey Corps after Zeke's attack?

They became Survey Corpses.

Ba Dum Tss

A redditor meets a girl...


Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff

Ba-dum tss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?

One goes *ba dum tss* and the other is da bum kiss.

3 elephants are falling from a cliff

Two land on ground the third on water.

Ba dum tss

Why didn't the chicken to cross the road?

He chickened out.

(*Ba Dum Tss*)

A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.

Bah dum, tss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you're bi and you're single..

If you're bi and you're single, you're not bisexual

You're bi-yourself


Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven is a registered six offender.


Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it’d be a foot.

~*Badum tss*~

What do you call bankrupt Santa?

St. Nickel-less.


What did the Guatemalan man do when he saw a deer run across his car’s path on the motorway?

He accidentally ran over it in His panic.

bah dum tss

Sometimes I feel like people on the West coast are living in the past

Ba-dum tss

What do you call a politician that doesn't manipulate?


Ba-da tss!

What's the smell in every new Tesla called?

Elon's musk

*badum tss*

Two logicians are having a talk

L0: “Hey! Have I got news for you!”

L1: ”Oh yeah? What is it?”

L0: “I’m gonna be a dad!”

L1: “Wow! That’s terrific news! So, is it going to be a girl or a boy?

L0: “Yes!”

Badum tss!

So a clumsy comedian walks into a music shop...


Who was the first one to do CrossFit?







Jesus Christ


What law do most mathematicians break?

...They drink and derive.

*Baddum tss*

Thank you, thank you! I'll see myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Not the Same one] A sheep and a snake roll down a hill inside a drum

Ba dum tss ba dum tss ba tss tss dum

P.S. i know this is a shitty take on the sound, but you hear it at the start of the video.

What do you call a person who lives in Sweden but isn't native?

An artificial swedener

Badum tss.

I'd make a political joke but it would just end up being elected president

Ba Dum Tss

Popped a tire on a pot hole today

Badum tss

Can a ninja throw a star?


Bu-dum tss

Why did O.J. Simpson want to flee to Alabama?

Everybody there shares the same DNA.

(Mandatory ba dum tss).

I fed my chickens a chicken wing...

I guess you could say they enjoyed themselves. *ba dum tss*

OC Joke - Why did the clown make a bad lumberjack?

Because he had celiacs (silly axe) disease.

*ba dum tss*

I just realized that shovel was a ground-breaking invention.


"How much would you say you read the Bible?"

"Well, I don't read it religiously."

Bud-dum tss, I hate myself.

What is a musicians favourite weapon?

A glockenspiel.

Ba dum tss

"My new band's name is 1023 MB"

"Awesome! When are you guys playing?"

"I don't know. We don't have a gig yet."

Ba Dum Tss...

Why shouldn't you give Muslim Women drugs?

They'll get stoned. (Ba-dum tss)

So the teacher asks

So the teacher asks an African student to use the word dandelion in a sentence.
The student says: the cheetah can run faster dandelion.


What do you call a fly when it retires?

A flew.


No? Alright.. I'll see myself out.

Have you heard about that new movie Constipation?

Oh wait - it hasn't come out yet!

*ba dum tss*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call repetitive diarrhea?

Re-runs. (ba-dum, tss)

It's just the same shit over and over again.

How do you introduce a hamburger?

Meet patty... badum tss

Knock Knock

Knock Knock
"Who's there?"
"I am a pileup"
"I am a Pileup who?"
(Badum Tss)

What are the advantages of living in Switzerland?

Well the flag for one is a big plus. Badum tss.

So what's the best part about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

*ba dum tss*

How does a nucleus get out of prison?

Through the cell wall.

*Badum tss* :D

The musical doctor

Man: Doctor Doctor I need a cure for my depression.

Doctor: Music is great therapy, here, I'll loan you my old guitar, it's broken but you should get some use out of it.

Man: Hang on, why would you lend me your guitar just like that? Is there some sort of hidden clause in this?


What do you call a joke with no punchline?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I punched Dwayne Johnson in the butt...

I guess I hit rock bottom


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