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Statements Jokes

You can't make statements in Canada.

But you can make provincements.

I heard that science has discovered a way to reverse the behavior of Pinocchio’s nose, such that genuine statements make it grow.

Huge if true.

Tech company mission statements be like

We're a customer centric organization and we deliver the value of IOT, cloud, big data, blockchain, machine learning, and artificial intelligence by using design thinking to drive digital transformation for the connected enterprise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm terrified of objective statements.

Wait, fuck

The UK just passed a law so that corporations have to post earnings statements in public spaces to be accessible, like in parks, metro stations, high-density residential areas...

And the words of the profits are written on the subway walls and tenement halls.

I forgot how to write concise statements

It's a real pithy

My friends tell me that I make a lot of tautological statements.

Whatever. It is what it is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The smallest penis

*John: insert name of person you tell the joke to.

So three guys sits at a bar.

First one goes - “I have the smallest feet in the world!” The other guys take a look at his feet and acknowledges his statement - “sure your feet must be the smallest in the world!”

Second guy then...

I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....

It's my quilty pleasure.

There are many contradictory statements like...

Pacifist mass murder, Clinton keeping emails, and Apple is innovative.

I shouldn’t make blanket statements about autistic people but…

a lot of them do enjoy being wrapped in blankets.

I'm getting tired of politicians using blanket statements

It's putting me to sleep

You know what they say about blanket statements?

They're all false.

Everybody's trying to make clever statements on Twitter.

In the end they always turn out as 'Stupid autocovfefe!'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

I hate it when people misappropriate common words to add dramatic emphasis to their statements.

It literally makes me physically ill.

My wife asked me, “Which one of my two quilts you like better?”

I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”

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