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Spun Jokes

If you spun an Oriental guy around and round...

Would he become _disoriented?_

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In Feudal Japan, 2 Samurai families are constantly at war...

One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel to the death. The winner would b...

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

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A guy woke up one morning..

and heard a voice inside his head that said, "Quit your job... sell your house... take all your money and go to Las Vegas." He ignored it, but later that day he heard it again, more insistent. "Quit your job... sell your house... take all your money and go to Las Vegas!" The harder he tried, the mor...

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Space Tourism

One of the car hire companies was looking at diversification, to be able to better cope in the next pandemic.

They started getting interested in the space tourism market, currently dominated by companies such as Blue Origin, Virgin Galactic and SpaceX. They needed a hook to make them stand o...

Oldie but a goodie

An old farmer was busy plowing his field when he heard a terrible noise and looked up. A busload of politicians was careening wildly down the road, then spun out of control, flipped several times, and crashed into tree.

The old farmer hurried to the site of the accident. Seeing the wreckage ...

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A man is walking along a beach, suddenly he hears a booming voice from the heavens.

"DIG!" says the voice. The man looks around, a little confused. "DIG!" Booms the voice again. The man thinks what the fuck and starts digging at the sand in front of him. Suddenly he hits a wooden box. He picks it up and the voice shouts "OPEN!" He opens it to see hundreds of gold coins. He's a litt...

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a dryer?

A dryer doesn't follow your around for nine months trying to get spun after you put a load in it.

I stepped on the scale today and I only weighted 150 lbs.

Not sure why the dial spun a full 360 before it stopped on 150 though.

In Star Wars Legends, Rey discovers an unusual force ability...

...this allows her to turn as dark as the night like a shadow and even become the shadows of others, useful for creeping up on enemies. The First Order Stormtroopers spoke about this amazing power having heard about it from a commanding officer Rey fought with the force. "Sir was spun around and kno...

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Working at the car dealership.

I was working at a car dealership and it had just recently rained when a large tractor trailer slid off the road into the grassy ditch. We decided to help pull it out so we hooked a chain to the tractor trailer and hooked the other end to one of the trucks we sell. But our truck just got stuck in ...

How did I get rich?

Well I was working on my sheep farm. We had just sheared the flock and spun the wool into yarn. As I was dying one skein of yarn green, a lamb wandered over and fell into the tub of dye. By the time I rescued the poor thing, he'd already managed to turn himself completely green.

Well, a littl...

A local pub had an electric bull riding competition

Many strong men tried and failed to last the required 8 seconds due to the ferocity of the steed.

A little, scrawny man stepped up and climbed aboard.

The bull started bucking slowly as the ride gained momentum, yet the man held on. 1, 2, 3 seconds.

Faster and faster it spun, ye...

A newfie was walking up the wharf with a small lobster in each hand.

He was half way up to his truck when he saw a fishery officer approaching him.
"Ha we got ya now buddy, that's a $10000 fine in each hand!" exclaimed the officer.
"Naw these aint no ordinary lobsters b'y, dese are me pet lobsters!" George said calmly.
"I takes em for a dip here e'ry day ...

A minister had fallen on tough financial times...

So tough, that he was unsure of how he would pay next months bills, or continue to provide food for his family.

One day, in a moment of doubt, he prayed: "Heavenly Father, I am worried and uncertain, but know that you always provide for your children. Please, give me some words from your book...

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A man goes to church on Easter Sunday and returns home with two black eyes.

His wife asks him how he got the black eyes.

Man: Old Ms. Johnson was sitting in front of me during mass, when she stood up I noticed her dress was stuck in butt crack, so I reached out and gently tugged it out. She spun around, was really mad and punched me in the eye.

Wife: that exp...

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This is long and I'm not sure if it's worth reading.

Two guys were sitting in a bar. One said: ‘Did you hear the
news – Mike is dead?’
‘How?’ gasped the other. ‘What happened to him?’
‘Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and
when he pulled up outside, he didn’t brake properly and – bang
– he hit the pavement...

"Give me a moment"

"Give me a moment," says the physicist as he sits in his desk chair. He wonders why nobody has spun him around yet.

Rhonda in the pub

Rhonda wandered down to her local public house, for one of their themed dining nights.

Tonight was Chiili, paired with either rum , absinthe or gin. As she entered, she encountered the fragrant aroma of spicy beef and beans, although there was also the faint undernotes of an aroma associated...

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Frank get's hit by a bus...

Frank get's hit by a bus. He goes to heaven and meets St. Peter at the gate. He says to Peter: 'I know I'm dead, but I want to see my wife and children one last time!' Peter says:'Okay, but I can't send you back as a human, you'll have to go back as a spider. Also you have to go down from right here...

Little Boy and the Pastor

So back in the day, a little boy riding his bicycle home from school notices the community pastor in his front yard with a push mower. Not paying much attention the boy goes on home and does his chores. Later the boy goes back by the pastors house and sees him still in the yard with the mower and no...

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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobweb...

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Write it down, folks. It's a good one!

From the legendary Hal Roach:

Paddy Flanagan is the first man in his small country town to buy a motorcycle and he takes his friend Seamus for a ride.

They are buzzing along through the glens and hills when Seamus begs for a break. "The wind is coming through my jacket and cutting me ...

The Professor's Lecture

Professor Drobkin was about to lead a lecture in front of a large group of students and fellows at the University, and he was terribly nervous. He had never been very good at speaking in front of large audiences, so he'd practiced at home constantly with a set of notecards.

When he was summon...

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A man was robbing a house

He snuck in at the dead of night, the owners weren’t home. Good. He started to clear the expensive stuff off the shelves in the living room, he reached for an expensive-looking pen on display when he heard a distant voice whisper “Jesus is watching you”

Startled, he looked around yet saw no o...

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A man heard a voice in his head

A man came hime from work and was tired. As he was falling asleep, he heard a voice in his head. "Quit your job, sell your house, take the money and go to Vegas". He didn't think much of it and just went to sleep.

The next few days, he heard the same voice in his head say the same thing. "Qu...

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Genies need love too

A man and wife decided to take up golf as a new hobby that they could do together. Both complete amateurs, they found a local course and went down with a bucket of balls and a cooler of beers. After driving most of their balls off the course and into the woods they were about to call it quits when ...

Farmers dog

One day my father invited my uncle to go hunting. My uncle was not much of a hunter but decided to tag along anyways. After a 40 minute ride in the truck they pulled up to a farmers house in the middle of nowhere and announced he was going to go ask the farmer if it was OK to hunt on his land and to...

Irishman Paddy wanted another drink

But Mick the pub owner said "ya had enough, go on home Paddy"
I am guessing your right Mick, and with that he spun around on his stool, focused his eyes on the door, got up and proceeded to fall face first on the floor.
"Oh, Saints be praised, I must be drunken than me thought. If I can just g...

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A bartender is closing down his bar

A bartender is closing down his bar at the end of the evening. Three men remain hunched over at the bar. Each has been there the whole night and has been drinking heavily, but none of them seem to have the strength or desire to strike up a conversation.

As the bartender cleans the last few g...

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The Wagerer

A guy walks into a bar, is seen by the bartender wandering from table to table, occasionally making them laugh, occasionally getting a scowl and pocketing a few dollars. Finally, he makes his way to the bar and sits down. "Whats all that about?" asks the barkeep

"Oh, I'm a professional wagere...

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car, moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe.

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe. When checking his rear-view mirror he noticed that a small object followed by a trail of dust was closing fast. His curiosity piqued he slowed a bit to get a better look. As the object came into ...

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Two Russians saw an advertisement for a job in Siberia.

Vladimir read it from beginning to end, a glowing account of a new town and industrial complex where there was sure to be full employment, high wages, luxurious Government-sponsored accommodation, and shops full of all the necessities and luxuries that roubles could buy. But just as he was reaching ...

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