UPJOKE
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Spouting Jokes

I hate it when people come and bang on your door spouting nonsense like, "You need to be saved or you'll burn!"

Stupid firemen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump walks into a Catholic church.

He turns to the altar boy and asks

“where’s that box where I proclaim all the fucked up shit I’ve done lately”

The altar boy, stunned to see the president in his church, directs Trump to the confession box. Trump steps inside and the altar boy realizes the priest is nowhere to be found...

Three fishermen catch a mermaid. If they agree to set her free, she will grant them each a wish. The first guy says, "OK, I want you to double my I.Q." Immediately, the guy recites Shakespeare flawlessly. The second guy asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q.

Suddenly, he's spouting complicated mathematical solutions. Impressed, the last guy asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid hesitates and asks, "Are you sure that's what you really want?" "Absolutely!" says the man. The mermaid smiles. Instantly, the third man turns into a woman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why were the balls stressed out standing in line?

The guy in front them was a huge dick. The guy behind them kept spouting off and being a loud asshole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman asks her friend whether she should date an anti-semite.

Friend: "He sounds really nice!"

Woman: "I know...but he's always spouting unsubstantiated, racist nonsense, marching, and carrying around some sort of sign."

Friend: "Oh, he's a Neo-Nazi. That's a huge red flag."

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