UPJOKE
tosswhirlthrowgopasscrackdiscardspreedisposesplurgeofferwastecast awaythrow awaythrow out

Flinging Jokes

A man buys a paint factory in a small town.

He visits the local volunteer fire department to see for himself if they'd be able to handle a fire at his plant. What he finds convinces him they could not...the whole fire department consists of one old pumper truck and a bunch of volunteers he finds less than reliable. He tells them "Boys, I'm so...

I saw a man at the grocery store flinging slices of American cheese into the air.

He then started chugging cartons of milk right off the shelf.

After that he started smashing containers of yogurt open on his forehead.

It was shocking. All I could think was “how dare he!”

What's the difference between a monkey flinging poo at the zoo and someone posting political memes on Facebook?

Answer: One is the sad, desperate attempt of a poor creature with little freedom to get attention from strangers, and the other is just something animals at the zoo do when they're bored.

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin...

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.

“How much for these shoes?” – she asked the store manager.

“$300” – he replied.

“That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?” – the blonde.

The store manager said h...

A Politician Dies And Has To Spend Just ONE Day In Hell

A politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes, is that a problem?"

"Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Monkeys arrested

I just read about a zoo in Florida, where 3 monkies were arrested for lighting their feces on fire, and flinging them at zoo workers.

A few of the workers were sent to the hospital for turd degree burns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting on the couch watching TV...

When he hears a little knock on the door. He gets up, goes to the door, opens it, but there isn't anyone there. A little iritated, he closes the door and sits back down on the couch.

A few seconds later, theres another little knock at the door. The man jumps up and rushes to the door, fling...

An old man dies and stands before the pearly white gates

He's standing there, knocking on the pearly gates, but unfortunately for him St Peter's on his lunch break. However, it just so happens that after a little while Jesus passes by. Being the helpful sort, he goes up to the gates and asks if he can help.

"Yes," says the old man, "I've just died ...

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin went fishing...

After a couple of hours, Obama was flinging his arms around, swatting mosquitos away, while Putin sat there, watching the pond, unbothered.

"How is it, that these bloodsuckers only target my blood reserves?" Asked Obama. "They don't bite you at all!"

Putin smiled knowingly and replied:...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blowjobs and Semen

So there's these two whales hanging in the ocean doin' whale stuff when one whale says to the other,
"Hey, wanna do something fun?"
"Uh, sure."
"Ok, I have an idea, you see that boat up there?"
"Yeah?"
"Wouldn't it be really really funny if we swim up to the boat and and knock it over...

Is Satan a Seahawks fan?

A curious man died one day and found himself waiting in the long line for his after-life judgment.

As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of Heaven while others were led over to Satan who threw them into a burning pit. Every so often, instea...

Parker seeks the help of International Rescue for something out of the ordinary...

"You have to help me, Mr. Tracy. It's Lady Penelope. She has gone crazy! "

"Gone crazy, Parker? What do you mean by that?"

"It's her drinking....She cannot restrain herself. Every evening for five months she's been in the bar, drinking heavily, disturbing everybody and being utterly un...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an Irishman and an American are stood at the top of the Empire State Building.

The American tells the other two "I don't know if you've heard this. But if you down 6 beers from your homeland, you can jump off of this building, fly around it, and then land safely right back here".

The Irishman doesn't believe the American, replying "Get off it, what a load of old shite"...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.