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Thicken Jokes

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An alien couple land their saucer in a farmer's field

They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them is they are ok to spend the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer and his wife talk it over and agree.

The male alien takes the farmer's wife into th...

THE PLOT THICKENS

**Never trust math teachers who use graph paper. They’re always plotting something.**

"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.

I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.

The plot thickens.

What did the broth say to the corn starch?

You thicken me.

The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival's restaurant.

The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and figure out the recipe for his rival's famous clam chowder.
The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn't turn out the same. The owner sends him back.
The second day, the...

I just wrote a review of a book that argues that math charts should use bolder lines.

My review: "The plot thickens"

I have a story for you. A guy pours cement all over a plot of land...

and then the plot thickens.

Guy walks into a funeral home

He tells the receptionist, “my wife is dying, and i need to buy a gravesite.”

Receptionist says, “sure, no problem. Just fill out this paperwork and we’ll get the process started.”

Guy says, “well you should know up front this might get complicated. See, my wife weighs 800 pounds.”
...

I caught my neighbor putting a layer of topsoil on my allotment

The plot thickened

What do you get when you cross a gardener with an author?

Someone who perpetually thickens the plot.

I went to an allotment yesterday to find more soil there than the day before. Today, I went there again and found even more soil..

The plot thickens...

According to a recent article, someone has been kicking dirt on Mark Twain's burial site.

*The plot thickens.*

Everyday someone mysteriously adds more dirt on top of my garden

The plot thickens

I've been reading this farmer's autobiography and just got to the part where he expands his carrot farm.

The plot thickens.

Trying to create a decent graph of my data but some mystery guy keeps adding more samples to it.

The plot thickens.

My friend was unconvinced when I told him someone keeps stealing soil from his allotment.

I thought he’d lost the plot.

Now someone keeps adding more and more.

The plot thickens.

I'm reading a book on how soil is added to the farmland.

The plot thickens.

When I die I want to be buried in wet concrete

So that over time the plot thickens

After months, the person who keeps piling dirt on my land is now using sand.

The plot thickens.

Holmes, someone has put miracle grow on this freshly dug grave.

The plot thickens, my dear Watson.

I bought a vacant piece of land recently, and every night someone keeps depositing soil on the land. I still can't figure out who it is.

The plot thickens.

The owner of a restaurant sends his employee undercover...

...to the vastly more successful restaurant across the road.

Before sending him, the owner says "That restaraunt is ruining business here, all because of their famous chowder. I need the recipe and the secret ingredient ASAP!"

The employee manages to infiltrate the kitchen of the succe...

A man goes to the doctor for a follow-up on his Deep Vein Thrombosis

Doctor: "So I prescribed you blood thinners last month, have you been taking them?"

Man: "No. I have a great reason why not though"

Doctor: "Aaah! The clot thickens!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hospital inspection

A major donor (think having a wing named after him) came to a hospital of which he was a benefactor to see where his money was going. It was up to a Charge Nurse to give him a tour of the med/surg floor.

They are walking down a hallway when the donor looks in and sees a patient in bed furious...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple was golfing.....[NSFW]

A young couple was golfing. The husband turn came and he hit the ball out of the golf course. The ball ended in someone's house and broke the window. The wife wanted to apologize, so they went to the house and find the owners so they can apologize. They got to the house and the door was open.
...

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