UPJOKE
sleepsnoozesiestaslumberdozecatnapdrowsepilesleepingasleeprestzzzsnoreworkdaylunch

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

If a child refuses a nap

are they resisting arrest?

If someone refuses to sleep during nap time

They are guilty of resisting a-rest.

Why did the bicycle need a nap?

Because he was two tired!

I got arrested today - apparently it's "illegal" to shave, brush your teeth, make a phonecall, take a nap, have a glass of wine and read a newspaper.

Driving sucks nowdays.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

[Final Cake Day joke] A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, ....

... they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.


The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free.


He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to tak...

My baby nephew got apprehended by the police after refusing his usual naptime

He was resisting a rest

A women took a nap on New Years Eve...

A women took a nap on New Years Eve.

When she woke up, she told her husband, โ€œI just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Yearโ€™s present. What do you think it all means?โ€

He replied, โ€œAha, youโ€™ll know tonight!โ€ At midnight, her husband handed her a small gift-wrapped pres...

A farmer was taking a nap under grains and was arrested for perjury

For lying under oats

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

After having a little nap, my wife told me of a dream she had where she walked into the bedroom to find me in bed with her sister having sex.

suddenly a shark came out from under the bed and ate me and her sister.

She said, โ€œItโ€™s funny how things can happen in dreams that wouldnโ€™t happen in real life.โ€

I said, โ€œYeah, ridiculousโ€ฆa shark under the bed.โ€

It was a few days before Valentineโ€™s Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap.

After she woke up, she told her husband, โ€œI just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentineโ€™s day! What do you think it means?โ€
Her husband smiled. โ€œOh, I have a feeling youโ€™ll know later tonight.โ€ he said with a wink.
His wife squealed with joy. That evening, the man came home w...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Tortoise and Rabbit. Antagonist view.

A different insight into the story of hare and tortoise:-

E๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’… ๐’‰๐’‚๐’” ๐’Œ๐’†๐’‘๐’• ๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐‘ป๐’๐’“๐’•๐’๐’Š๐’”๐’†โ€ฆ ๐‘บ๐’‚๐’š๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‚๐’…๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’‚๐’„๐’†, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’Ž๐’‘๐’‰๐’‚๐’”๐’Š๐’›๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ...

A Kirby guy on a hot dayโ€ฆ

A door to door salesman was walking down a street in a very hot day, when he came across a pair of little girls selling lemonade.

Taking a break, he buys a big glass and goes to sit under a large elm tree.

Suddenly, he hears a guy yell โ€œNice suit buddy, did you buy it at the goodwill s...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A professor sits with a farmer on a train.

Bored, the professor says to the farmer: "I ask you a question, if you can't answer it, you give me $5; then you ask me a question, if I can't answer it, I give you $500, what do you think?" The farmer nods. The professor asks the farmer: "What is the distance between the Earth and the Moon?" The fa...

In the early 1400's, a little town in France was down on its luck...

Unemployment was high, and everyone who needed money pretty much lived their lives in front of the job board in the middle of the town.

Well, one fine morning, the city priest walked to the center of town and posted a page that read, 'Help Wanted: Bell Ringer.' The groans that pervaded the cr...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Passed a crime scene todayโ€ฆ

โ€ฆsome jerk was taking a nap right in the middle of everything.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The wife and the game warden

One morning a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Wa...

Julius Caesar famously had a quick nap before crossing the Rubicon

the rest is history

Why was the childโ€™s blanket arrested?

For being an accessory to a kid napping.

Time for another beer.

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so. I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."

The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "ju...

I've stopped having naps on a Sunday afternoon. Naps are for the weak.

Not the weekend.

I tried to find an anagram for "napping idiots."

The result was disappointing.

A short nap once in awhile can prevent old age

Especially while driving

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

"A 45 minute nap should set me straight "

8 hours later : wakes up as a gay

Did you hear about the guy thrown in jail for refusing to take a nap?

He was resisting a rest

One morning, Mr. Johnson was driving home from his night shift. He had worked hard all night and his home was about an hour away from his workplace, so he decided to take a nap.

He pulled his car over to the side of the road and closed his eyes.

Fifteen minutes later, he was awakened by a jogger tapping on his window. Mr. Johnson rolled down the window.

"Do you know what time it is?" asked the jogger.

"No!" snapped Mr. Johnson. He rolled his window back...

Shopping nightmare

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, Now Monica, we just have half of th...

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.

. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This cont...

My grandma changed her hair colour while taking a nap...

She dyed peacefully in her sleep

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.




The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and e...

Just burned 2,000 calories.

I promise that's the last time I leave brownies in oven while I nap.

Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break?

He got fired for sleeping on the job.

Taking a nap

sorry for bad English

in the afternoon after having lunch ... The wife's taking a nap while her husband is siting on the chair reading his book. a moment later wife is awaken by the dream and reach him

wife: honey! i had a dream you got me a set of brand new diamond jewelry .... is i...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Ooo heaven is a place on earth

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesnโ€™t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. Itโ€™s Irv. โ€˜So there is an afterlife! Whatโ€™s it like?โ€™...

My cop husband was trying to put our toddler down for a nap, but she wouldnโ€™t stop running around the house.

He finally picks her up, throws her over his shoulder, and yells โ€œstop resisting a rest!โ€

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Dark in here

Little Mikey was supposed to be taking a nap, but instead, he was hiding in his mother's closet when he heard her enter the bedroom with a strange manโ€ฆ
He listened as they hurriedly took off their clothes, jumped into bed, and started fucking like two jackrabbitsโ€ฆ
Then, Mikey heard a car door ...

The only thing in school I ever was good at was nap time in Kindergarden...

...I got straight Z's.

Don't you hate it when you're trying to have a nap and there's an alarm blaring in the background?

I just had to smash my carbon monoxide alarm to bits, it was giving me a bloody headache.

It's easy to be demoralized by napping ghosts.

Hope you can keep your spirits up.

Today morgue employee got cremated by mistake while taking a nap...

I guess two people got fired that day!

German couple on the Autobahn. He drives, she wakes up after a nap, looks over and asks him:"Why are you going 180kph??"

"Because the road looks slippery."

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And theyโ€™re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says โ€œweโ€™ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.โ€

Well, the blonde isnโ€™t...

A cop once told me to take a nap...

I wasn't tired, so I got jailed for resisting a rest.

The dog farted, left the room to take a nap, and now everyone's blaming me!

I'll be damned if I'm gonna let sleeping dogs lie.

A kid sat on my lap and started taking a nap.

I was arrested for a kidnapping.

When you decide to take a small nap..

And wake up three days later in the hospital, because you were driving your car..

After the CO2 molecule left the car, it immediately took a nap

it was exhausted

Epstein went up to a guard, in hopes of high five, but the guard instead walked off to go take a nap...

"Don't leave me hanging", said Epstein, ripping the bedsheets off his bed.

What happened to the toddler that refused to take a nap?

She got in trouble for resisting a rrest.

What do you call a male cow who is taking a nap?

A bull dozer

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A man is driving home one night and almost falls asleep while driving...

"God dammit," he thought, "I'll never be able to stay awake on the road, and I don't have money for a motel. I'm not gonna risk it, I'll just pull over to the side of the road and take a little nap."

He parks his car just outside of a park, and kicks his seat back. "I don't need much, maybe j...

It took so much time to get to the library, and I wound up taking a nap anyway

tl;dr Too long, didn't read

A communist tells his friend before going to bed, "I'm going to take a nap."

He wakes up as a libertarian.

I used to take naps on a bike until someone stole the tires

They really messed with my sleep cycle.

A drug addict, a man taking a nap, and Donald Trump.

What are a user, a snoozer, and a sore loser.

I took a nap at 1:59AM and woke up at 3:00AM

Felt like I just blinked

A dear friend of mine passed away this week. This was one of his jokes: What do you call half of a thousand native American insomniacs?

The Indian nap-less 500.

What is it called when a programmer takes a nap?

A CS-ta

I was thinking...

If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldnโ€™t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?

But then I realized itโ€™s a lose-lose situation and itโ€™s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid nappi...

In a stunning case some call an abuse of power, a local police officer charged his own son with a crime, simply because the kid wouldn't lay down for his nap

The officer said the boy was resisting a rest.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Woman meets the Italian

One day, a woman has a date with a French guy at his hotel room, floor 10. The french guy makes the balcony in a romantic mood, wine, food so the woman can enjoy the time with him.

After some time, woman asks the french guy:

Woman: If I would be your girlfriend, how would you treat me?...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A big tomcat was napping on his owner's back porch

When he hears a commotion from next door. A new family was moving in, and with them was the most gorgeous little cat he had ever laid eyes on. Only one thing stood in his way, a barbed wire fence separating the properties.

Over the next few weeks, the family settles in and the tom continues t...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Bill and Steve are a gray couple on an airplane.

Bill turns to Steve, "you know what would be wild? We should have sex on the plane, like right here in our seats."

Steve surprised "whoah man, there are people everywhere, they would watch, it'd be weird."

"Nobody pays attention on a plane." Says Bill. With that he gets up and shoots t...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A man with a bad toothache visits his dentist

The dentist tells him that he has a cavity that is severely infected and that he will need to get the tooth pulled.

The man says that he will think about it and goes back home. He tells his wife that he doesnโ€™t want to undertake the dental procedure until after the holidays and that he will ...

What do you call a nap in computer science class?

A CS-ta

Yesterday I saw a little kid who kept refusing to go home for a nap.

He was resisting a rest.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Oh, April!

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and ...

Why did the broom take a nap?

It was sweepy. ಠ\_ಠ

So I'm a Camp Counselor taking a short nap at work....

And I'm laying my head on my backpack. One of campers says "What're you doing?"
I reply. "Taking a nap on my pillow."
She says, "That's not a pillow."
I respond, "Anythings a pillow, if you put your mind to it."

Five Things

Here are the five best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk at work: 5) "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 4) "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to." 3) "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You pr...

My High School had a nap time class

It was great, every day it was so refreshing to get some sleep after lunch. But in order to get the class approved by the school district it had to have an official sounding name. So the school called it Math.

Napping at work

Sometimes, when I'm sure people can only see the back of my head, I enjoy sneaking in a quick catnap at work. They never last too long though, invariably someone rings the bell telling me they want to get off my bus.

A Scotsman was competing in the highland games...

Carothers had a few pints after the caber toss and wanted to take a nap before all the dancing started. So he headed out to the woods and found a nice meadow to take a wee snooze.

Two young and beautiful lasses were picking flowers in the meadow when they stumbled upon him. Being curious on...

I have have developed cat-like reflexes.

By which I mean an irresistible urge to curl up and nap on any freshly made bed.

Everyone loves to hear my friend talk about his passion for taking naps.

He is intoresting...

I'll just go now.

Never been sure what breed my dog is

Sheโ€™s kind of squatty with floppy ears. When we have supper she begs for our plates and bowls to lick then naps in the den.

Unless we have chili. Then she stays by the stove guarding the pot of chili.

Pretty sure sheโ€™s a chili dog.

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. Itโ€™s a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. Itโ€™s as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

I used to have sex daily...

Then Reddit taught me it was just dyslexia...

A kilted Scotsman

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.