Nap Jokes - 75 Hilarious Nap Jokes

Why did the bicycle need a nap?

Because he was two tired!

If a child refuses a nap

are they resisting arrest?

I tried to find an anagram for "napping idiots."

The result was disappointing.

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Ah, this one got me good :D

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A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, ....

... they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.
The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free.
He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20 minute na...

A women took a nap on New Years Eve...

A women took a nap on New Years Eve.

When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?”

He replied, “Aha, you’ll know tonight!” At midnight, her husband handed her a small gift-wrapped pres...

What do you call a male cow who is taking a nap?

A bull dozer

Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break?

He got fired for sleeping on the job.

What do you call a nap in computer science class?

A CS-ta

I've stopped having naps on a Sunday afternoon. Naps are for the weak.

Not the weekend.

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find ...

Morgue employee cremated while taking a nap....

I guess two people got fired that day.

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”

Well, the blonde isn’t...

I was thinking...

If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?

But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid nappi...

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.

. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This cont...

My grandma changed her hair colour while taking a nap...

She dyed peacefully in her sleep

A guy goes to confession and tells the priest that he committed all 7 deadly sins in one day.

He says "I was trying to get money together for the perfect house and someone bought it first. I got so angry and envious that I disguised myself as the utilities man and went over while he was at work. I seduced his wife and when she was showering I stole all the cash and jewelry I could find. Then...

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I used to have sex daily...

Then Reddit taught me it was just dyslexia...

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A professor sits with a farmer on a train.

Bored, the professor says to the farmer: "I ask you a question, if you can't answer it, you give me $5; then you ask me a question, if I can't answer it, I give you $500, what do you think?" The farmer nods. The professor asks the farmer: "What is the distance between the Earth and the Moon?" The fa...

Just burned 2,000 calories.

That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

A lawyer sits next to a blonde on a plane, and he really wants her to notice him, but she shows no interest.

The lawyer is not used to being rejected, so he says:

"Let's play a game. We go back and forth and ask each other questions, and if you don't know the answer, you give the person $5."

The blonde isn't interested, and she declines.

After 20 minutes of silence, the lawyer says:...

A short nap once in awhile can prevent old age

Especially while driving

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"A 45 minute nap should set me straight "

8 hours later : wakes up as a gay

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It’s a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It’s as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would ...

Julius Caesar famously had a quick nap before crossing the Rubicon

the rest is history

Getting older

It's amazing how things you hated as a child become things you enjoy as you get older.

Like taking a nap.

Or getting spanked.

When you decide to take a small nap..

And wake up three days later in the hospital, because you were driving your car..

A kid sat on my lap and started taking a nap.

I was arrested for a kidnapping.

Regular naps prevent ageing

Especially if taken while driving

It's easy to be demoralized by napping ghosts.

Hope you can keep your spirits up.

A cop once told me to take a nap...

I wasn't tired, so I got jailed for resisting a rest.

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Jenny was not the best student in Sunday School.

Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was having a nap:

"Tell me, Jenny, who created the universe?"

She didn't stir, so Mike, a boy in the chair behind her, quickly took a pencil

and jabbed her in the rear.

"GOD ALMIGHTY!"...

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A man is driving home one night and almost falls asleep while driving...

"God dammit," he thought, "I'll never be able to stay awake on the road, and I don't have money for a motel. I'm not gonna risk it, I'll just pull over to the side of the road and take a little nap."

He parks his car just outside of a park, and kicks his seat back. "I don't need much, maybe j...

I got arrested today - apparently it's "illegal" to shave, brush your teeth, make a phonecall, take a nap, have a glass of wine and read a newspaper.

Driving sucks nowdays.

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8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

The only thing in school I ever was good at was nap time in Kindergarden...

...I got straight Z's.

Why did the baby get in trouble with the police for not napping?

Because she was resisting a rest.

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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and e...

I was in a bar

having a quiet drink after work and noticed this sad-looking guy 2 seats away ordering shot after shot after shot. I asked him if he was ok and he said he’d just got married that morning. I immediately congratulated him but asked why was he so sad. After downing another shot he said that after the ...

What happened to the toddler that refused to take a nap?

She got in trouble for resisting a rrest.

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Horse and chicken are hanging in farmer Brown's yard.

Horse laid down in great big mud puddle to cool off. He took a nap and when he woke, he was sunk to his haunches and couldn't get up.

"He-e-e-lp me chicken! I'm stuck! Go get farmer brown to pull me out with the tractor."

《Buak》" can't do it. Farmer brown's out plowing the back 40. I...

Just took a nap in the dumpster.

No hobo.

After the CO2 molecule left the car, it immediately took a nap

it was exhausted

The dog farted, left the room to take a nap, and now everyone's blaming me!

I'll be damned if I'm gonna let sleeping dogs lie.

I used to take naps on a bike until someone stole the tires

They really messed with my sleep cycle.

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After having a little nap, my wife told me of a dream she had where she walked into the bedroom to find me in bed with her sister having sex.

suddenly a shark came out from under the bed and ate me and her sister.

She said, “It’s funny how things can happen in dreams that wouldn’t happen in real life.”

I said, “Yeah, ridiculous…a shark under the bed.”

A communist tells his friend before going to bed, "I'm going to take a nap."

He wakes up as a libertarian.

A drug addict, a man taking a nap, and Donald Trump.

What are a user, a snoozer, and a sore loser.

I took a nap at 1:59AM and woke up at 3:00AM

Felt like I just blinked

What do you tell a person who wants to take a short nap?

"bon nap petit"

Why did the broom take a nap?

It was sweepy. ಠ\_ಠ

My cop husband was trying to put our toddler down for a nap, but she wouldn’t stop running around the house.

He finally picks her up, throws her over his shoulder, and yells “stop resisting a rest!”

So I'm a Camp Counselor taking a short nap at work....

And I'm laying my head on my backpack. One of campers says "What're you doing?"
I reply. "Taking a nap on my pillow."
She says, "That's not a pillow."
I respond, "Anythings a pillow, if you put your mind to it."

Don't you hate it when you're trying to have a nap and there's an alarm blaring in the background?

I just had to smash my carbon monoxide alarm to bits, it was giving me a bloody headache.

It took so much time to get to the library, and I wound up taking a nap anyway

tl;dr Too long, didn't read

I am rebranding computers' energy saving mode

It's a power nap.

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A big tomcat was napping on his owner's back porch

When he hears a commotion from next door. A new family was moving in, and with them was the most gorgeous little cat he had ever laid eyes on. Only one thing stood in his way, a barbed wire fence separating the properties.

Over the next few weeks, the family settles in and the tom continues t...

Joke Request: Any Kid Friendly Pony Themed Knock Knock Jokes?

Hey r/Jokes,

My 2 year old daughter recently learned about knock knock jokes and she LOVES them! However, she keeps adamantly asking for a good knock knock joke about ponies, but I can't find any anywhere. Can anyone help me find a good kid friendly knock knock joke about ponies? I...

You know you’re old when...

You know you’re old when you go for a nap in the evening and don’t get up again until the morning...

You know you’re REALLY old when you go for a nap in the evening and don’t get up again...

Yesterday I saw a little kid who kept refusing to go home for a nap.

He was resisting a rest.

Why was the child’s blanket arrested?

For being an accessory to a kid napping.

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will wo...

German couple on the Autobahn. He drives, she wakes up after a nap, looks over and asks him:"Why are you going 180kph??"

"Because the road looks slippery."

Everyone loves to hear my friend talk about his passion for taking naps.

He is intoresting...

I'll just go now.

Best things to say if you're caught sleeping on your desk...

“They told me at the blood bank this
might happen.”

“This is just a 15 minute power-nap as
described in that time management course you sent me.”

“Whew! Guess I left the top off
the White-Out You probably got here just in time!”

“I wasn’t sleepin...

I just burned 2400 calories.

The firemen adviced not to take a nap while baking

What do you call family members you sleep with?

Nap-kins!

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Passed a crime scene today…

…some jerk was taking a nap right in the middle of everything.

An older female friend just got back from a trip home to the Netherlands, and all she brought me was this nap sack.

What a Dutch bag.

Ah dunna know where ye been nor what ye been up to...

MacTavish is taking a wee nap under a tree when two nuns find him lying there. "Ooh, Sister Catroina, do ye suppose it's true what they say that a Scotsman wears nothin' under his kilty?"

"Well let's have a look, then, aye?" says Sister Moira as she lifts the corner up and covers her mouth to...

In a stunning case some call an abuse of power, a local police officer charged his own son with a crime, simply because the kid wouldn't lay down for his nap

The officer said the boy was resisting a rest.

One morning, Mr. Johnson was driving home from his night shift. He had worked hard all night and his home was about an hour away from his workplace, so he decided to take a nap.

He pulled his car over to the side of the road and closed his eyes.

Fifteen minutes later, he was awakened by a jogger tapping on his window. Mr. Johnson rolled down the window.

"Do you know what time it is?" asked the jogger.

"No!" snapped Mr. Johnson. He rolled his window back...

Best part about watching golf

Is taking a nap and having people clap and cheer for you

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Rosy and Sunday school

Rosy goes to Sunday school every week, but falls asleep every class!

One day, to “inadvertently” call her out on it, the teacher calls on Rosy and asks this question:

“Who created the universe as we know it to be?”

At this point, to just have a laugh, Rosy’s friend, Adam, sittin...

I have have developed cat-like reflexes.

By which I mean an irresistible urge to curl up and nap on any freshly made bed.

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