This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After having a little nap, my wife told me of a dream she had where she walked into the bedroom to find me in bed with her sister having sex.

suddenly a shark came out from under the bed and ate me and her sister.

She said, “It’s funny how things can happen in dreams that wouldn’t happen in real life.”

I said, “Yeah, ridiculous…a shark under the bed.”

My grandma changed her hair colour while taking a nap...

She dyed peacefully in her sleep

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Ah, this one got me good :D

Don't you hate it when you're trying to have a nap and there's an alarm blaring in the background?

I just had to smash my carbon monoxide alarm to bits, it was giving me a bloody headache.

The dog farted, left the room to take a nap, and now everyone's blaming me!

I'll be damned if I'm gonna let sleeping dogs lie.

What do you tell a person who wants to take a short nap?

"bon nap petit"

The only thing in school I ever was good at was nap time in Kindergarden...

...I got straight Z's.

It took so much time to get to the library, and I wound up taking a nap anyway

tl;dr Too long, didn't read

What do you charge a baby with when they refuse to take a nap?

Resisting arrest

What happened to the toddler that refused to take a nap?

She got in trouble for resisting a rrest.

I took a nap at 1:59AM and woke up at 3:00AM

Felt like I just blinked

After the CO2 molecule left the car, it immediately took a nap

it was exhausted

What do you call a male cow who is taking a nap?

A bull dozer

German couple on the Autobahn. He drives, she wakes up after a nap, looks over and asks him:"Why are you going 180kph??"

"Because the road looks slippery."

Are you tired?

There is a nap for that.

A retired Florida man was jailed for refusing to nap...

...he was resisting a rest.

Regular naps prevent ageing

Especially if taken while driving

Why did the motorcyclist have to pull over to take a nap?

He was 2 tired.

Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break?

He got fired for sleeping on the job.

A cop once told me to take a nap...

I wasn't tired, so I got jailed for resisting a rest.

Why couldn't the police officer take a nap?

Because he needed an a-rest warrant first.

A woman was taking an afternoon nap

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find ...

An older female friend just got back from a trip home to the Netherlands, and all she brought me was this nap sack.

What a Dutch bag.

When you decide to take a small nap..

And wake up three days later in the hospital, because you were driving your car..

How do you wake Lady Gaga up from a nap?

You poke her face.

Everyone loves to hear my friend talk about his passion for taking naps.

He is intoresting...

I'll just go now.

I used to take naps on a bike until someone stole the tires

They really messed with my sleep cycle.

What do you call a nap in computer science class?

A CS-ta

In a stunning case some call an abuse of power, a local police officer charged his own son with a crime, simply because the kid wouldn't lay down for his nap

The officer said the boy was resisting a rest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a 3 year old is a lot like bill cosby

When you Wake up from a nap and they're naked, doing a bunch of shit you dont like

A communist tells his friend before going to bed, "I'm going to take a nap."

He wakes up as a libertarian.

Morgue employee cremated while taking a nap....

I guess two people got fired that day.

Just burned 2,000 calories.

That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Yesterday I saw a little kid who kept refusing to go home for a nap.

He was resisting a rest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three horses are arguing in a stable

Each one is convinced they are a better racer than the other two. Thus, the three bicker and brag and talk over one another.

"Now see here, see here!" Says the first horse. "I have been racing for four years, and every summer of those ten years I have come in first every race I ran!"

"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are on a hunting trip

The drive up north was long and excruciating, and there were no rest stops, so when they get to their camp, they’re already extraordinarily tired. However, they only have two days, so they figure they should start right away.

The men split up and wait for deer for several hours. The first ma...

Why did the broom take a nap?

It was sweepy. ಠ\_ಠ

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.

Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a p...

[Long] A captain in the air force...

Is boarding a plane home, and as he's loading his luggage in the over head, notices a Marine Lance Corporal snoozing against the window. The Air Force Captain grins a bit, knowing Marines reputation for being jar heads, and decides he's going to have a bit of fun.

Sitting next to the marine, ...

You know that feeling you get in the middle of the afternoon when you're really sleepy and tired..

There's a nap for that

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game.

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." ...

Irish Airways

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your capt'n S Murphy O'Sullivan welcoming you to Irish Airlines! We apologise for the 4 day delay in takin' off, sadly this was unavoidable due to to the bad weather and happy hour at Ó Ceallaighs' bar.

This is flight 367 to Shannon Airport, Landi...

Didyou hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's okay. He woke up.

A father was telling his son a bedtime story

“Once upon a time , there was a tortoise and a hare. The hare was boastful and bragged that he was the fastest of all the creatures. The tortoise then decided to challenge the hare to a race. So the two set a course, and the race began. The hare ran as fast as he could.....”

“Sorry Dad, but I...

What do you call a family that likes to sleep?

Nap Kin!

One rainy afternoon

One afternoon, as the rain slowly pours down on the roof, a young wife woke up from a relaxing nap, as she lays down and contemplates, she felts a sudden urge. The young wife moved towards her sleeping husband, leans against his body and gently whispered to his ear “It’s soaking wet, wake up and put...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to have sex daily...

Then Reddit taught me it was just dyslexia...

Making Fish Sticks

A young boy and his Mother are walking to school one day, when they come across two dogs going at it. Being at such a curious age, the boy asks his Mother what they were doing. Not wanting to ruin his innocence, she tells him that they are making Fish Sticks and they then continue on their journey.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny goes to school on the first day of second grade

Johnny goes to school on the first day of second grade. The teacher asks each student to say their name.

Johnny replies, "my name is Johnny Fuckhour".

The teacher immediately scolds him and tells him that such language will not be tolerated.

"But that's my name," he protests....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

7 hilarious jokes

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says ...

What does U.S. immigration policy have in common with kindergarten after lunch?

Kid napping.

Cats don't need smart phones to solve their problems, they just sleep until the problem solves itself.

Cats: There's a nap for that.

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. After a short nap, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re cute!”

The wife was disappointed. She asked her husband’s doctor, “When ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 80 year old man goes into a brothel..

Picks out a young pretty woman, they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed. The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free. He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to ta...

A man and his wife had plans to attend a costume party.

The night of the party, the wife suddenly got a headache and said she couldn't go, but encouraged her husband to attend. He reluctantly put on his mask and headed to the party.

The wife suddenly woke up from a nap feeling much better. She got an idea - she went and bought a different costume ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Circle of life

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’...

My wife hears "laurel" and I hear "yanny."

Which makes sense, because when she says "do the dishes," I hear "take a nap."

An elderly woman overhears a young mother and her daughter in the supermarket

"I want these cookies!", screams the child. "Laura, we're almost at the cashier, we'll soon be home", says the mother patiently.

"I want ice cream!", cries the child a few seconds later on their way to check out. "Laura, it won't be long anymore, we're almost there", says the mother, with no ...

What did the cop say to the parents that were slipping their children Benadryl to make them sleep?

You’re under arrest for kid napping.

If you see a child sleeping, don't hesitate to call the police.

You just witnessed a kid-napping

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oprah Winfrey goes to therapy

Oprah was suffering from quite a bit of stress so she decided it would be best to see a therapist. After multiple visits, she felt like the treatment wasn’t working as well as she hoped. So during the next appointment, she told her therapist “How about instead of talking, we just have sex? I think t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 very spiritual lovers make plans to contact one another through a seance if one of them dies.

they live with this goal in mind, for another happy 20 years of marriage, and then the husband gets crushed by a bus.

the wife arranges a seance exactly 3 months later, as pre-arranged, and contacts the deceased

"oh darling, are you ok? are you in heaven?"

"oh yes. I cannot beli...

A professor sits with a farmer in a train.

Bored, the professor says to the farmer : "I ask you a question, if you can't answer it, you give me $5; then you ask me a question, if I can't answer it, I give you $500, what do you think?" The farmer nods.

The professor asks the farmer: "What is the distance between the Earth and the Moon?...

Ah dunna know where ye been nor what ye been up to...

MacTavish is taking a wee nap under a tree when two nuns find him lying there. "Ooh, Sister Catroina, do ye suppose it's true what they say that a Scotsman wears nothin' under his kilty?"

"Well let's have a look, then, aye?" says Sister Moira as she lifts the corner up and covers her mouth to...

A Scotsman is tending his flock of sheep... (long)

when he decides to take a nap under a nearby tree.
After he falls asleep, a young woman walking on a nearby road decides to play a joke on him.
She lifts up his kilt, takes a ribbon from her hair, ties it around his manhood, and leaves with a giggle.
After awhile the Scotsman wakes up and w...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.