My grandma changed her hair colour while taking a nap...

She dyed peacefully in her sleep

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find ...

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time ...

Are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Regular naps help to prevent old age

Especially if you take them while driving

What are they calling barbie's husband after a nap?

A woke Ken

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In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...

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After having a little nap, my wife told me of a dream she had where she walked into the bedroom to find me in bed with her sister having sex.

suddenly a shark came out from under the bed and ate me and her sister.

She said, “It’s funny how things can happen in dreams that wouldn’t happen in real life.”

I said, “Yeah, ridiculous…a shark under the bed.”

Don't you hate it when you're trying to have a nap and there's an alarm blaring in the background?

I just had to smash my carbon monoxide alarm to bits, it was giving me a bloody headache.

The only thing in school I ever was good at was nap time in Kindergarden...

...I got straight Z's.

I dreamed that I was taking a nap.

Nap-ception

The dog farted, left the room to take a nap, and now everyone's blaming me!

I'll be damned if I'm gonna let sleeping dogs lie.

A Blonde and A lawyer.

A lawyer and a blonde are waiting at the airport next to each other. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game of Find the Answer. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the...

What do you tell a person who wants to take a short nap?

"bon nap petit"

What do you call cousins who sleep together?

Nap kins

A kid sat on my lap and started taking a nap.

I was arrested for a kidnapping.

What happened to the toddler that refused to take a nap?

She got in trouble for resisting a rrest.

I was thinking...

If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?

But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid nappi...

I took a nap at 1:59AM and woke up at 3:00AM

Felt like I just blinked

It took so much time to get to the library, and I wound up taking a nap anyway

tl;dr Too long, didn't read

After the CO2 molecule left the car, it immediately took a nap

it was exhausted

What do you call a male cow who is taking a nap?

A bull dozer

German couple on the Autobahn. He drives, she wakes up after a nap, looks over and asks him:"Why are you going 180kph??"

"Because the road looks slippery."

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This man figured his wife was cheating on him

So he decided to go to the pet store and find an animal that could somehow tell him what was going on while he was at work.
He asked the pet shop keeper if he had anything of interest. “I’ve got these talking grey parrots, but they’re 5000 dollars each” the shop keeper said. “Way too much” as the...

I just burnt 2500 calories

This is the last time I take a nap while baking cookies

Electrician goes into coma after coming in contact with power lines.

“He should be fine,” say the doctors. “He’s just taking a power nap.”

Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break?

He got fired for sleeping on the job.

I just burned 2000 calories after my xmas feast

That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Very long.

First off, let me describe to you a little creature.

There lives in the forest a little guy known as a 'Twid'. A Twid resembles nothing so much as a Smurf on psychedelics. They have punked out hair, multi-colored skin, tattoos and piercings. Also, the sole reason for a Twid's existence on th...

Why did the baby get in trouble with the police for not napping?

Because she was resisting a rest.

Morgue employee cremated while taking a nap....

I guess two people got fired that day.

What is it called when a programmer takes a nap?

A CS-ta

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A new member of a big game hunting club shows up to a the welcoming ceremony

The young member wants to hear some great hunting stories so he finds the oldest man at the ceremony and says "Sir, I know you have some great hunting stories, tell me your best one."

The old man is happy to share his experiences with the young member. He starts out by saying "it was 1947, me...

Why did the motorcyclist have to pull over to take a nap?

He was 2 tired.

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every after...

A cop once told me to take a nap...

I wasn't tired, so I got jailed for resisting a rest.

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Ooo Heaven is a place on earth

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’...

Why couldn't the police officer take a nap?

Because he needed an a-rest warrant first.

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

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Three horses are arguing in a stable

Each one is convinced they are a better racer than the other two. Thus, the three bicker and brag and talk over one another.

"Now see here, see here!" Says the first horse. "I have been racing for four years, and every summer of those ten years I have come in first every race I ran!"

"...

What is the worst part about having to go to a daycare as a police officer

There is always at least one kid napping and a bunch resisting a rest

An older female friend just got back from a trip home to the Netherlands, and all she brought me was this nap sack.

What a Dutch bag.

When you decide to take a small nap..

And wake up three days later in the hospital, because you were driving your car..

I used to take naps on a bike until someone stole the tires

They really messed with my sleep cycle.

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A big tomcat was napping on his owner's back porch

When he hears a commotion from next door. A new family was moving in, and with them was the most gorgeous little cat he had ever laid eyes on. Only one thing stood in his way, a barbed wire fence separating the properties.

Over the next few weeks, the family settles in and the tom continues t...

So I'm a Camp Counselor taking a short nap at work....

And I'm laying my head on my backpack. One of campers says "What're you doing?"
I reply. "Taking a nap on my pillow."
She says, "That's not a pillow."
I respond, "Anythings a pillow, if you put your mind to it."

What do you call a nap in computer science class?

A CS-ta

The pope is travelling through Canada...

...watching the wonderful landscape flying by as his chauffeur drives him across the seemingly endless roads through the wilderness.
Eventually though, he grows bored and asks his chauffeur if he can drive for a bit.
"Listen", the pope says, "I'll drive for an hour, nobody will see. You can ...

A communist tells his friend before going to bed, "I'm going to take a nap."

He wakes up as a libertarian.

A man was sunbathing naked at a beach... (Long)

He was reading a newspaper and lying down on the sand. He saw a little girl come over so he covered his crotch with the paper he was reading. The girl walked up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?".
He responded, "It's a little bird but it's sleeping, so can you please go ...

Everyone loves to hear my friend talk about his passion for taking naps.

He is intoresting...

I'll just go now.

In a stunning case some call an abuse of power, a local police officer charged his own son with a crime, simply because the kid wouldn't lay down for his nap

The officer said the boy was resisting a rest.

I’ve been looking for a car wash that does a thorough job cleaning wheels,

But whenever I google “Best Rimjob” I get sleepy and take a nap.

Every 12 hour shift I work, I always give 110%

ten percent the first hour. ten percent the second hour. maybe take a nap. ten percent the fourth hour. ect...

People always say "go big or go home" as if going home is a bad thing.

 

 



Like hell yeah I'll go home... I can nap when i get there.

Napping at work

Sometimes, when I'm sure people can only see the back of my head, I enjoy sneaking in a quick catnap at work. They never last too long though, invariably someone rings the bell telling me they want to get off my bus.

Yesterday I saw a little kid who kept refusing to go home for a nap.

He was resisting a rest.

People think having space isn't important

But there is a big difference between a kid napping, and a kidnapping.

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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.

Usually, she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted...

What do you call family members you sleep with?

Nap-kins!

You know, under the right context, a kidnapping has the potential to be a very serene experience

For example, a kid napping.

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The truth-talking dog

A man had built great wealth, touring the globe with a truth-talking dog.

A friendly local thought this was too good to be true and paid the $50 entry fee to see for himself.

As he entered, the dog started immediately:
“Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon”
“The square ro...

My High School had a nap time class

It was great, every day it was so refreshing to get some sleep after lunch. But in order to get the class approved by the school district it had to have an official sounding name. So the school called it Math.

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In the 1930s, on an RAF post way out in rural Africa, the station commander had a pet lion.

Lennie (as he was called) was elderly, arthritic, mostly blind, and had hardly a tooth left in his head, and everyone on the station knew him well.

One day, one of the Flight Lieutenants was going out for a spin and as he taxied his Gamecock onto the airstrip, he saw with annoyance that Lenni...

Kidnapping

There was a kidnapping at our school yesterday

Don't worry though, he woke up

Why did the broom take a nap?

It was sweepy. ಠ\_ಠ

A guy walks into a bar

And walks over to the bartender. He notices some beautiful piano music coming from one side of the bar, but he can’t see the stereo or the piano anywhere. So he asks the bartender “hey where is that music coming from?”

The bartender says “check the end of the bar.”

So the guy walks ove...

Why was the child's blanket arrested?

For being an accessory to a kid napping.

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Pathology professor told this joke after class today. A little long but soooo worth it.

There once was five year old boy who enjoyed playing with his train set. One afternoon, his mother happened to be standing by the door listening to the boy play. She was shocked when she heard him saying,

"All right, all of you son of a bitches who want to get on the train, get on train. And ...

Two traders go to the beach.

They lay their beach towels on the sand and while one watches the boats out on the water, the other one decides to take a nap.

After a while, the first one notices the waves come closer and closer to their towels. He says to his friend :

\- Hey... the tide's rising, we should move furt...

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will wo...

Story of an old tired dog

An old tired-looking dog wanders into a guy's yard. He examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home.

The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep. The man thinks its rather odd, but lets hi...

A Scotsman went a walking

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the ...

One day, a farmer heard a loud crash from the road outside his home.

He ran out to investigate, and is surprised to see a young boy looking dazed next to a cart carrying a load of fruits. A wheel had fallen off, causing it to crash. The farmer ran out to help the boy. "Boy," He asked. "Are you alright?" The boy nodded, and the farmer sighed in relief. "That's good. ...

Einstein met an Indian guy on a flight.

It was a flight, that was supposed to take about 20hrs to reach, it was a very long flight.

In the plane, Einstein was seated next to an Indian guy, who was about to have a nap.

The flight was very long, so naturally Einstein was bored.

As restless as Einstein's mind was, he ask...

Just remember if you're feeling really tired.

There's a nap for that!

[Long] A captain in the air force...

Is boarding a plane home, and as he's loading his luggage in the over head, notices a Marine Lance Corporal snoozing against the window. The Air Force Captain grins a bit, knowing Marines reputation for being jar heads, and decides he's going to have a bit of fun.

Sitting next to the marine, ...

The monk and the student

In one school the teacher was a monk. Most of all he loved to have a snack and a nap afterwards. Every time before the lessons he ate so much that he could barely move.

Soon after the beginning of the lessons he always took a nap and slept until the bell for the end of the lessons sounded....

The Talking Cat.

A 2 bit magician had a show called "Goldie, the Magic Talking Cat". He wasn't that skilled of a magician, so he had to make up for his lack of talent with cheesy 2 bit tricks.

He found this cat that looked like it was clearly abandoned. It had fleas and ticks, wasn't fixed and it didn't ...

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I used to have sex daily...

Then Reddit taught me it was just dyslexia...

"When you saw an Asian woman driving, you should have moved a bit away from the road",

Said the doctor to an injured man.

Injured man: "What road? I was napping on a bench in a park"

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Two men are on a hunting trip

The drive up north was long and excruciating, and there were no rest stops, so when they get to their camp, they’re already extraordinarily tired. However, they only have two days, so they figure they should start right away.

The men split up and wait for deer for several hours. The first ma...

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7 hilarious jokes

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says ...

Irish Airways

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your capt'n S Murphy O'Sullivan welcoming you to Irish Airlines! We apologise for the 4 day delay in takin' off, sadly this was unavoidable due to to the bad weather and happy hour at Ó Ceallaighs' bar.

This is flight 367 to Shannon Airport, Landi...

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