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Signed Jokes

I signed up for Binary 101, but failed it miserably.

I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.

Caitlin Jenner just signed a deal with Marvel.

She is going to be in the new Ex-Men film.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Con-fucking-gratulations to me! I'm a screenwriter and I just signed a deal with the parent company of Universal Pictures!

Looks like I'll be going with the basic cable plus HBO Max.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees a sign outside a house: 'Talking greyhound For Sale’

He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking greyhound sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the greyhound.

"Oh yes," the greyhound replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the gre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers.

He went through the standard
training, completed the practice jumps from
higher and higher structures, and finally went to
take his first jump from an airplane. The next
day, he called home to his father to tell him the
news.

"So, did you jump?" the father asked.

"We...

A kleptomaniac signed up for a cooking class,

He wanted to take a whisk.

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!

Signed up for my company’s 401(k) today…

Unfortunately I’m not sure if I’ll be able to run that far.

I signed up for the company 401k.

But, I'm concerned that I can't run that far.

I recently signed an apartment lease...

Below where I signed on the lease agreement I had my dad cosign

Now we're tan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm looking for a woman who has great tits and swallows

Signed: Ben the ornithologist

I signed up for my company’s 401k

but I don’t think I can run that far.

-Norm Macdonald

Would the people who signed up for the yodelling class please form an

orderly, orderly, orderly, orderly-y queue?

I have very nearly signed up for Danish language classes

I just need to dot the A's and cross the O's

Accidently signed up for the Krona vaccine

Now I've lost my Swedish bank account

Nine out of ten doctors signed up for a conference

The Tenth Doctor didn't want to go

I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale

I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes

My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't

The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in.

I signed up for a dating service through a local college.

How was I to know that at Carbon Dating I'd only be introduced to old fossils!

What's the difference between Trump becoming president and a soldier dying in combat?

The soldier knew what he signed up for.

Where was the declaration of independence signed?

On the bottom of the page.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I signed up for a sex ed course...

...it starts Monday Moanin’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was so horny the other day that I almost signed up for a "pay day" loan.

I was desperate to get fucked.

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