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Sign language

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language.


After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to...

If a deaf kid swears in sign language,

does his mom wash his hands with soap?

I know several jokes in sign language

I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.

Iā€™m learning sign languageā€¦

Not sure if Iā€™m any good at it, but I never heard any complaint.

Learn sign language

Itā€™s very handy

About a week ago I decided to try and learn sign language

Turns out it's very handy.

Why can't pirates use sign language?

Because the hook makes everything sound like a question.

I recently learned sign language

So I can tell jokes people has never heard

I just learned sign language

I've found it quite handy.

Fun fact about sign language

It is the least spoken language on Earth

My wife has been trying to teach our son sign language

I was skeptical at first because she started so young, but he is starting to catch on. Without a word I watched her ask if he was ā€œall doneā€ or ā€œwanted moreā€ food during dinner. He tapped his fingers together, signaling he would like more food. I sat in disbelief as she added more food to his plate....

A guy started yelling at me in sign language

It was a deaf threat

My sign language comedy show got cancelled today

Apparently nobody there had heard of me

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Sign Language in the Shower

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?" She can't hear him and shouts back, "What? The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wif...

She kept staring at my lips the whole time, so I kissed her.

So long story short I'm learning sign language now.

Iā€™m looking for a sign language practice partnerā€¦

Could somebody lend me a hand?

OC by myself.

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Sign Language

A construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. He spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he canā€™t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning ā€œIā€, pointed to his knee meaning ā€œneedā€, then move...

Is it possible to stutter in sign language?

Yes, itā€™s called Parkinsonā€™s

My friend asked me if I knew sign language...

I said I knew a handful of words.

what do you call a deer with no eyes in sign language?

Anything you like. It can't see you.

I attended a sign language session.

I was speechless.

I just started taking classes on sign language..

I gotta say, it's pretty handy.

I was talking via sign language with a one armed manā€¦

Problem is I was only getting half of what he was saying.


Thought this up yesterday on a camping trip when my daughter was showing me what she learned at preschool.

I think my family is finally catching on to me telling jokes in sign language...

They've been standing further away, so I can't hit them with the punch line anymore.

If a guy with only one arm speaks sign language,

is it a speech impediment or an accent?

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A Joke I've Translated From British Sign Language

Jake and Harry are a gay, teen couple. One day Jake's parents announce they will be going on holiday for the weekend and the house will be empty.

Jake and Harry jump at the chance to get plenty of alone time and spend the weekend having non-stop anal sex.

On the sunday morning Harry re...

I always get sad when I watch videos of gorillas using sign language to ask for food.

It's a shame there are so many deaf gorillas.

I just read that deaf people also talk in their sleep, only in sign language.

Well, at least they don't get bitten by mosquitoes.

When you insult a deaf-mute murderer in sign language

...it's a deaf-sentence.

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Sign Language at a construction site

These guys were working at a construction site building a multi story building. A guy on the fifth floor realizes that he needs a hammer but doesn't have one. Going down 5 floor again is too much of a hassle. So, he wants a guy on the ground to bring it up to him. He yells, but because of distance a...

I just gave my first Ted talk about south paw sign language.

The audience was left speechless.

I finally got my hands on a sign language translator.

It comes in really handy.

I got a hand job yesterday

I'm now officially a sign language interpreter

The doctor told the sign language interpreter that the operation was risky.

Now it was a matter of lie for deaf.

I think my deaf friend wants to update her computer. But her sign language interpreter is giving me mixed signals.

I think she needs a better processor.

A man wins $100 000 at Las Vegas.

When he returns home he hides it in his backyard, only to wake up the next morning and find it stolen, with a trail of muddy footprints leading to the mute-deaf a few blocks away. Enraged, he enlists the help of the sign language professor next door, and together, the man armed, they confront the mu...

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A deaf accountant works for the mafia.

One day, the king pin mafioso is checking out the books and notices there's a million dollars missing. He calls a meeting with the deaf accountant and a sign language translator.

"Ok, there's a million dollars missing, where is it?" asks the king pin. Translator says, "There's a million dolla...

A deaf woman and a blind man are sitting on the subway

The deaf woman says to the guy: *sign language*

And the blind man says:

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An East End gang boss had always been very careful with whom he employed, for fear of being grassed up...

He thought he'd been really clever in hiring a crooked accountant who was deaf and dumb. There wasn't
much of a risk that he would overhear too much. However, it quickly dawned on the boss that
someone was stealing money from him. A lot of money. And it didn't take long for him to discover it<...

What's the fastest form of communication?

Sign language....since it travels at the speed of light.

What do you call a joke made by using sign language?

A jester

Amazon needs a new app

An audio book app with sign language. Weā€™ll call it *inAudible*.

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

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A deaf couple got married...

And on their wedding night, as they laid down in bed and before turning the lights out, they realized they needed a way to communicate with each other in the dark (since they used sign language to talk to each other).

The woman looked lovingly at her husband and said (in sign language, of co...

New study

A new study released today shows that 9 out of 10 people who study sign language says itā€™s handy

You think the Presidential debate was hard to watch?

Think of what it was like for the sign language interpreters.

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Italian mafia boss hired a deaf accountant, Guido, and after a while he found out his accountant stole 10 million from him.

He goes to pay Guido a visit with his lawyer that knew sign language and to get him to talk where he hid the money.
Ā He tells the lawyer to translate, "Ask him where the money is!" The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?" Guido replies, "I have no idea what you're talk...

Actually happened to me.

Sitting in class Monday going over American Sign Language the instructor is explaining the hand position to a fellow student who is blind(er than I am), my hands starts cramping, as I shake it out I canā€™t stop laughing.

Professor ā€œWhat is so funny?ā€

Mr ā€œDo deaf people with arthritis ha...

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A guy buys a scratch ticket and wins 1,000,000 dollars...

Not wanting his wife or anyone to get it, he buries all of it, in cash, in his backyard.
The next morning he walks outside to see a gaping hole where he had buried it, and shoe prints leading to his deaf neighbor's house.
He storms over to the house with a gun in his hand and kicks the doo...

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I knew my mom was pissed when she cursed in a different language.

Her sign language was on point.

Nine Words

Once upon a time, long before any type of writing or sign language there lived an attractive young prince.

This prince, through no fault of his own, was cursed by a witch such that he was only allowed to say one word per year.

Fortunately, however, he WAS allowed to save up his words.<...

What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language.



I don't know where I got this from, but I think it's funny so I'll just post it here.

Carpenter's apprentice

A carpenter took on a young blonde girl as an apprentice. On their first job together, he was on the roof and she on the ground. He shouted down to her, "Tie the saw to the rope so I can haul it up."

She put her hand to her ear, indicating she couldn't hear him. Two more, louder, attempts wer...

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