Shoved Jokes - 34 Hilarious Shoved Jokes

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Some guy just shoved dynamite up a bull's .

Simply abominable.

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Breaking news: A man was admitted to the hospital with 25 toy horses shoved up his …

Doctors described his condition as stable.

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We have just admitted a 43 year old man who came in with 9 plastic horses shoved up his

We've listed his condition as 'stable'

I shoved a woman at the bank I work at

She asked me to check her balance

My wife just shoved a key lime pie in my face and stormed out of the house!

I've been desserted!

My wife came home with flowers, shoved them in my face and said "Look, peonies!"

I told her I didn't need to go, and even if I did I'd rather not.

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Did you hear about the guy who got a window shoved up his ?

It was a huge pane in the .

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I shoved a carrot up my ...

It improved my hindsight and made me realize I shouldn't have done it

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What's it called when you make sure you smell real good before getting a camera shoved up your bbutt?

Cologne-oscopy

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A man goes for a prostate exam.

The doctor is checking him out when he finds a roll of $100 bills stuffed up his . He pulls out the money and counts it.

“You’re not gonna believe this, but I just found $1900 shoved up your !”

The man says, “Well that makes sense. That’s why I haven’t been feeling too grand.”

I shoved my daughter into a cardboard box.

I’m just being supportive, she told me she identified as mail.

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I had an operation on my the other day, they shoved a tube down my shaft.

It was very eye opening.

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My girlfriend accidentally shoved a pair of glasses up my ...

Now my hindsight is 20/20

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I shoved a battery up my for an experiment

The results where shocking

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Some guy shoved a carrot up his .

Now his hindsight is 20/20.

Credit to some other redditor from a different thread.

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I shoved some glitter up my last night

To see what would happen!

Just found out, pretty ..

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What do you call a telephone pole shoved deep into a ?

A post.

My friend thought he was being smart, and said “Onions are the only food that makes you cry”.

So I shoved a carrot up his

I saw a video on the news the other night of the former president with his hand shoved up under his arm making musical farting noises... I really enjoyed it!

I love a good Trump-pit solo!

I was super worried, but then someone shoved dough, cheese and sauce into my head.

Now I have pizza mind.

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A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday...

"I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing of drugs."

I said, "Okay, but don't go into that field over there....."

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer...

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What's long, hard, has "" in it, and nobody wants shoved down their throats?

Advertisements.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter,...

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I shoved a 12th century coin up my and I couldn't help but laugh

Old gold.

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So I followed some advice I heard on tv and shoved a lightbulb up my to kill this virus.

So far no effect, but it sure gave my colon a great idea.

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A man visits a doctor because he shoved an entire lettuce up his ...

The doctor tells him,

"Hmm, there's a strange rash around your now..."

The man, shocked, replies,

"Oh my god, is it serious?"

The doctor says,

"Serious? That's just the tip of the iceberg!"

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

A guy came up to me the other day, and shoved a gun into my face. He demanded my 'money or my life'.

Guess who the burned-out pencil pusher with a mortgage and a loveless marriage is now.

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A nine-year-old boy was in his mother’s bedroom while his father was away at work.

Suddenly, he heard his mother coming in with a man and hid in the closet. The two kissed, then began to make out, before suddenly the front door opened and the boy could hear his father calling from downstairs. His mother quickly took her lover and shoved him into the closet, unaware that her son wa...

3 Irishmen and 3 Englishmen are buying train tickets

The Englishmen all buy a seperate ticket, 3 in total. The Irishmen however buy only one ticket for the three of them.

One of the Englishmen asks: "Won't you guys get thrown off the train?"

"You'll see," say the Irish.

After riding the train for half an hour, the six men see the ...

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It's true that carrots are great for memory.

Buddy of mine shoved one up my 15 years ago and I still remember it to this day.

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A man on vacation is having horrible stomach pains, and realizes he has a tapeworm...

The resort doctor taps on his stomach a few times, listening with a stethoscope. Then he tells the man, "Come back tomorrow with a banana and a cookie."

"Ummm... okay..." the guy says, skeptical. "What for?"

"Do you want my help, or don't you!?" the doctor says. "Just do what I tell yo...

Passwords

"Sorry, your password has been in use for 90 days and has expired - you must register a new one."

roses

"Sorry, too few characters."

pretty roses

"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."

1 pretty rose

"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces." ...

The owner of a large factory decided to make a surprise visit and check up on his staff

As he walked through the plant, he noticed a young man doing nothing but leaning against the wall. He walked up to the young man and said angrily:
\-“How much do you make a Week?”
\-“Three hundred bucks,” replied the young man.
Taking out his wallet, the owner counted out th...

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