My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.

I call it... Lunch.

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My wife and I had a day at the zoo. It was going pleasantly until my wife had to lunge at me and scurry me out of the chimpanzee area under a flurry of flying poop

She gave me a the dirtiest look when I told her, "they started it!"

I asked my wife suggestions for an exercise routine, and she said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”

I said, “That sounds.....like a big step.”

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In a little old town near a little old river, a fly is hovering just above the water.

There is a fish under the surface of the water looking at a fly, thinking 'If that fly drops just 6 inches, I could catch the fly and that would me my meal for the day.'

But there was a bird in a nearby tree looking at the fish, looking at the fly and thinking 'If that fly drops just 6 inches...

Two guys are walking down the street when a thug lunges from an alley and points a gun at them...

"Gimmie all your money, both of you! Now!" the thug says.

Bill says, "Wait! Wait! Wait! Just a minute! Steve, here's that $200 I owe you!"

Two philosophers are having a discussion about the morality of swords. To back up their claims, one of them picks up a sword and shouts "The tip of this sword could never pierce your leather vest" and proceeds to lunge the sword into their chest

Coughing up blood, the wounded philosopher weakly replies "That's a good point"

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Pirate

So a pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says “how are you doing pirate? haven’t seen you in a long time“
The pirate says “doing great, just came back from a very successful series of raids”
The bartender says “really!? You look terrible. What happened to your leg?“
The pirate says ...

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3 Cowboys NSFW

Three cowboys sat around a campfire, all exchanging tall tales about how tough they all were.

The first cowboy says “I’m the toughest of the bunch. I was out in the tall grass, looking for a good spot to take a piss. All the sudden this snake appears. And you can see in its eyes, it’s out fo...

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3 men shipwrecked on desert island

(Beer garden banter joke. Works best when you use yourself and people you know as the protagonists, just replace names and choose the butt of the joke)

3 men get shipwrecked on a desert island.
Their boat ruined they head in-land to find salvation, when out of the trees lunges a huge 7 fo...

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A psychiatrist and a man are touring a mental hospital to see if it would be a good fit for his brother.

They are walking down a hallway when they pass a door the man looks in. Inside there is this young man who his holding his hands up to his stomach, raising his leg and then lunges forwards in a pitching motion. "Oh! Hey! I'm practicing my pitch, I'm going to be a famous pitcher for the Los Angeles D...

A man walks in through the front door after work

and his wife immediately starts smacking him, left and right across the face, cursing.

"Woah woah woah...what gives?!?" the man says.

The smacking intensifies briefly, and then she let's up.

"I picked up your coat from the dry cleaners earlier today, and found THIS in the pocke...

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The French fencer

There once was a famous French fencer. He learned how to fence at a young age and honed his skills over time, his prowess with the foil unmatched in all of France. After defeating all French contenders, he moved on to defeat fencers in nearby countries, eventually becoming the best in Europe. As his...

A king was visiting the training grounds with his swordmaster

A king was visiting the training grounds with his swordmaster.

There was a crowd watching two fencers trade blows.

The first fencer performed an attack and the crowd gasped.

The king, who isn't into the sport, asked his swordmaster about the move.

"That's what you'd call ...

A monk decides to take up the art of swordplay.

Taking some time off from the Buddhist monastery, he trains with his fencing teacher, learning all the positions, attacks and defenses, and generally becomes fairly proficient at the sport. His teacher encourages him to take up the competition circuit, as there is little left she can teach the monk....

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the desert...

The Lone Ranger gets off his horse for a piss by a cactus. Suddenly, a rattle snake lunges out and bites him right on the dick. Tonto hears him scream and comes running over. He's lying there on his back, moaning in pain.

Tonto says, "I'll ride back to that native village we passed a while a...

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So there's a forest

And a fly was hovering inside the forest. But a fish was watching the fly and thinking "once that fly goes down 6 inches down. im gonna catch the fly to have myself a really nice meal. " But what he did not realize is that a bear was watching the fish watching the fly and thinking "once that fish ca...

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One day a husband comes home early from work...

And see’s his wife’s clothes sprawled all over the living room, surprised and confused, he rushes for his bedroom and see’s her butt naked on their bed with a suspicious look on her face. Alright, where is he? He asks. Furious, he starts throwing a fit and searches every nook and crack to no avail....

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A guy walks into a seedy bar in NYC, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Did you know you can jump off the Empire State Building and survive the fall?"...

The second gentleman sitting at the bar laughs and says sarcastically, "Suuuure you can".

The first guys says, "No I'm serious. On a windy day, like today, the surrounding buildings create this strange air current near the ground which cushions your fall. You land gently on your feet, light a...

I know nothing about the sport of fencing

But I attended a match with a friend who promised to explain everything.

The fencer took position, and one lunged at the other who batted the blade away.

The crowd went wild.

"That was a parry." My friend explained.

The fencer lunged again, the other deflected the blade...

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