I asked my wife what I should do to exercise, and she said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”

I said, “That....sounds like a big step.”

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3 Cowboys NSFW

Three cowboys sat around a campfire, all exchanging tall tales about how tough they all were.

The first cowboy says “I’m the toughest of the bunch. I was out in the tall grass, looking for a good spot to take a piss. All the sudden this snake appears. And you can see in its eyes, it’s out fo...

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My wife and I had a day at the zoo. It was going pleasantly until my wife had to lunge at me and scurry me out of the chimpanzee area under a flurry of flying poop

She gave me a the dirtiest look when I told her, "they started it!"

Two guys are walking down the street when a thug lunges from an alley and points a gun at them...

"Gimmie all your money, both of you! Now!" the thug says.

Bill says, "Wait! Wait! Wait! Just a minute! Steve, here's that $200 I owe you!"

Two philosophers are having a discussion about the morality of swords. To back up their claims, one of them picks up a sword and shouts "The tip of this sword could never pierce your leather vest" and proceeds to lunge the sword into their chest

Coughing up blood, the wounded philosopher weakly replies "That's a good point"

My favorite workout is a mix between a lunge and a crunch,

I call it lunch.

I know nothing about the sport of fencing

But I attended a match with a friend who promised to explain everything.

The fencer took position, and one lunged at the other who batted the blade away.

The crowd went wild.

"That was a parry." My friend explained.

The fencer lunged again, the other deflected the blade...

A man walks in through the front door after work

and his wife immediately starts smacking him, left and right across the face, cursing.

"Woah woah woah...what gives?!?" the man says.

The smacking intensifies briefly, and then she let's up.

"I picked up your coat from the dry cleaners earlier today, and found THIS in the pocke...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the desert...

The Lone Ranger gets off his horse for a piss by a cactus. Suddenly, a rattle snake lunges out and bites him right on the dick. Tonto hears him scream and comes running over. He's lying there on his back, moaning in pain.

Tonto says, "I'll ride back to that native village we passed a while a...

A king was visiting the training grounds with his swordmaster

A king was visiting the training grounds with his swordmaster.

There was a crowd watching two fencers trade blows.

The first fencer performed an attack and the crowd gasped.

The king, who isn't into the sport, asked his swordmaster about the move.

"That's what you'd call ...

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One day a husband comes home early from work...

And see’s his wife’s clothes sprawled all over the living room, surprised and confused, he rushes for his bedroom and see’s her butt naked on their bed with a suspicious look on her face. Alright, where is he? He asks. Furious, he starts throwing a fit and searches every nook and crack to no avail....

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The French fencer

There once was a famous French fencer. He learned how to fence at a young age and honed his skills over time, his prowess with the foil unmatched in all of France. After defeating all French contenders, he moved on to defeat fencers in nearby countries, eventually becoming the best in Europe. As his...

Two astronauts are aboard the ISS.

One astronaut loses focus while in the airlock, and floats back outward.

The second astronaut lunges forward on a tether and grabs him before they can go too far, and goes back into the airlock.

"What the hell man?" Shouted the second astronaut. "You could have died!"

"Sorry, I ...

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So there's a forest

And a fly was hovering inside the forest. But a fish was watching the fly and thinking "once that fly goes down 6 inches down. im gonna catch the fly to have myself a really nice meal. " But what he did not realize is that a bear was watching the fish watching the fly and thinking "once that fish ca...

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A guy walks into a seedy bar in NYC, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Did you know you can jump off the Empire State Building and survive the fall?"...

The second gentleman sitting at the bar laughs and says sarcastically, "Suuuure you can".

The first guys says, "No I'm serious. On a windy day, like today, the surrounding buildings create this strange air current near the ground which cushions your fall. You land gently on your feet, light a...

A monk decides to take up the art of swordplay.

Taking some time off from the Buddhist monastery, he trains with his fencing teacher, learning all the positions, attacks and defenses, and generally becomes fairly proficient at the sport. His teacher encourages him to take up the competition circuit, as there is little left she can teach the monk....

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A fish sees a fly over the river.

The fish says “oh boy, if only that fly would drop six inches then I could catch it and have a great meal.” Little did the fish know, a bear was slowly creeping up on the riverbed and saw the fish watching the fly. The bear said “oh boy, if only that fly would drop six inches so that fish would jump...

After completing filming of License to Kill, Timothy Dalton was dismayed when producers told him they wanted him to retire from the James Bond franchise.

He pleaded with producers to give him just one more film but they already had his replacement lined up, a younger actor they felt was more suitable for the leading role in an action movie. But Dalton wouldn't quit that easily. He convinced the producers that if he could best his would-be replacement...

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Pancho Villa

So a man walks into a bar in Mexico and sees a picture of Pancho Villa hanging on the wall. He starts talking to a local bar fly and it turns out this man’s uncle had once met Pancho Villa!

“Once, when my uncle was a young boy, Pancho Villa came riding through his town. My uncle, who was yo...

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A fly is buzzing around over the surface of a lake...

Beneath the water the fly is being watched by a bass, who is thinking the fish equivalent of “if that fly drops 6 inches, I can leap out of the water and eat him”.

Meanwhile, a bear is watching the bass, the very same bass watching the fly. It knows that if the fly drops 6 inches, the fish i...

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