A crab and a lobster start dating

Sadly, the crab and the lobster had to keep their relationship a secret as normally lobsters always looked down on the low-class crabs. But as they continued their relationship, they realized they wanted to marry and the girl lobster insisted that she needed to introduce her crab boyfriend to her fa...

Crabs

A guy picks up a five-dollar hooker and gets the crabs from her. Seeing her the following week, he confronts her and says, "You gave me the crabs!" She replies, "What did you expect for five bucks, lobster?"

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs

So the next day, he goes back to complain.

And the woman says, "Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"

How do crabs keep in touch with each other?

On shellphones!

The crab

A female crab saw a male crab walking straight, not sideways, like other crabs did.

‘This guy is really really special’, she thought, and asked him out. Soon they were married.

A few days later she saw him walking sideways just like the other crabs, and was disappointed and angry....

Where do crabs store their money?

In the sand bank.

Why don’t crabs donate?

Because they’re shellfish.

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. "We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Mounties.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said,

"We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first."
<...

A lawyer boarded an airplane...

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying fr...

What do hermit crabs say when they answer the phone?

Shello

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A man goes to a $5 prostitute…

A few days later he finds out he has crabs. He returns to the prostitute angry. She says, it was only $5, what did you expect, lobster?

Credit to Michael Scott

Where do crabs and lobsters park their public transport vehicles?

At the Bustacean

What's a hookers spirit animal?

Crabs

How do crabs run in Alabama?

They run in family.

A man asks the waiter : "Do you serve crabs here?"

"Take a seat. We serve everybody."

How do crabs move from one person to the next?

They use pubic transport

Scientists found out that crabs hear through their legs.

A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.

I recently visited r/crabs

Not really a fan of it, it's filled with cancer

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Butter Crabs?

I love everything about her Butter Crabs

How do crabs get around on land?

They use the sidewalk.

what do you call a pit stop that sells crabs and pizza?

a crust station

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A man visits a prostitute who charges 20$ and ends up with crabs so he goes back and complains.

She replys: "It was only 20$. What were you expecting? Lobster?"

Marylanders: Do you know how to tell the difference between male and female Chesapeake blue crabs ?

The female will tell you how to eat her.

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The beach thought he had crabs.

He went to the sexual health clinic to be shore.

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What do you call a film director that has crabs?

Alfred Itchcock

Excuse me, does this restaurant serve crabs?

Sit right down sir. We serve everybody.

I bought two hermit crabs

I put them in the same small cage, are they still hermit crabs???

Two crabs wouldn’t share their food

That’s shellfish.

A crab fisherman walks into a bar with a crab.

He sets the crab on the bar and it proceeds to walk perfectly straight ahead, instead of scuttling side to side like crabs usually do. The bartender, impressed, offers the fisherman $50 for the amazing crab and takes it home. The next day he takes the crab out of the cage, and it begins scuttling si...

What's the most effective way to get rid of crabs?

Shave half your pubes, light the other half on fire and smash them with a hammer when they come running out.

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