A guy goes to a five dollar lady of the night and he gets crabs.

So the next day he goes back to complain.

And the woman says, "Hey, it was only five dollars. What did you expect, lobster?"

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. "We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Mounties.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said,

"We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first."
<...

A man boarded a plane in New Orleans with a box of crabs...

A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs thaw out. ...

What do hermit crabs say when they answer the phone?

Shello

Where do crabs and lobsters park their public transport vehicles?

At the Bustacean

I recently visited r/crabs

Not really a fan of it, it's filled with cancer

How do crabs run in Alabama?

They run in family.

There is only one reason crabs don't donate and its

They are shellfish

A man asks the waiter : "Do you serve crabs here?"

"Take a seat. We serve everybody."

How do crabs move from one person to the next?

They use pubic transport

A guy pulls over for a hooker on the side of the street.

He rolls down the window and asks “How much?”

She says “$5.00”

He motions for her to get in the car.

They do their business and he drops her off.

The morning after, he calls her and says “Hey, we have a problem - I think you gave me crabs.”

She says “Well, what d...

what do you call a pit stop that sells crabs and pizza?

a crust station

Scientists found out that crabs hear through their legs.

A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.

How do crabs get around on land?

They use the sidewalk.

Why do crabs with IBS nest under bakeries?

It's the easiest place to pinch a loaf.

Another joke for my cake day.

The sand crab and the horse shoe crab are the best of friends. They do everything together.

Then one day the horse shoe crab dies. He goes up to heaven and Saint Peter meets him at the gates. Saint Peter asks him if he has any questions and he says no. So Saint Peter gives him a harp, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man visits a prostitute who charges 20$ and ends up with crabs so he goes back and complains.

She replys: "It was only 20$. What were you expecting? Lobster?"

Marylanders: Do you know how to tell the difference between male and female Chesapeake blue crabs ?

The female will tell you how to eat her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The beach thought he had crabs.

He went to the sexual health clinic to be shore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a film director that has crabs?

Alfred Itchcock

Why did the ocean roar?

You would too if you had crabs on your bottom

Be careful when you’re trying to get laid with a mermaid

She might have crabs.

Excuse me, does this restaurant serve crabs?

Sit right down sir. We serve everybody.

A crab fisherman walks into a bar with a crab.

He sets the crab on the bar and it proceeds to walk perfectly straight ahead, instead of scuttling side to side like crabs usually do. The bartender, impressed, offers the fisherman $50 for the amazing crab and takes it home. The next day he takes the crab out of the cage, and it begins scuttling si...

I bought two hermit crabs

I put them in the same small cage, are they still hermit crabs???

Two crabs wouldn’t share their food

That’s shellfish.

I love going to the beach, having a seat, and pull sand up to my crotch

Makes the crabs feel more at home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.



Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.



Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.



Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.



Man who leaps off cliff jumps to ...

What’s worse than a lobster on your piano?

Crabs on your organ.

What's the most effective way to get rid of crabs?

Shave half your pubes, light the other half on fire and smash them with a hammer when they come running out.

Whats the name of that old reality show where they go fishing and catch a bunch of crabs?

Oh, right.

Jersey Shore...I miss that show.

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