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Crabs Jokes

Two crabs are eating a billionaire on the bottom of the ocean.

One looks at the other and asks, "this taste a little rich to you?"

crabs.

which is the odd one out, a crab, a lobster, a woodlouse or a Chinese man under a steamroller.?

A woodlouse.

because the rest are all crushed asians.

How to cook crack and clean crabs:

Step 1: Use commas.

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper...

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"<...

Scientists found out that crabs hear through their legs.

A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats good on pizza but not on pussy?

crust.





edit: yall keep making better jokes in the comments LMAO

possible answers : red sauce, white sauce, yeast, cheese, senior discount (wtf), crabs, hot sauce, mushrooms. damn yall are just funnier than me lol

What happens when a crab gets another crab pregnant?

He gives her crabs.

How do crabs get around on land?

They use the sidewalk.

Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures;

they only use pubic transportation.

Crabs

A guy picks up a five-dollar hooker and gets the crabs from her. Seeing her the following week, he confronts her and says, "You gave me the crabs!" She replies, "What did you expect for five bucks, lobster?"

Why are crabs so bad at sharing?

Because they're all shellfish.

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs

So the next day, he goes back to complain.

And the woman says, "Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before land...

Where do crabs love to hide?

Bushes

Why don’t crabs donate?

Because they’re shellfish.

Where do crabs store their money?

In the sand bank.

I broke up with my ex because she told me she caught crabs

And I get seasick on boats.

How do crabs keep in touch with each other?

On shellphones!

What do hermit crabs say when they answer the phone?

Shello

The crab

A female crab saw a male crab walking straight, not sideways, like other crabs did.

‘This guy is really really special’, she thought, and asked him out. Soon they were married.

A few days later she saw him walking sideways just like the other crabs, and was disappointed and angry....

I once had a nasty case of crabs. A friend suggested I sprinkle caster sugar on them.

It doesn't kill them, but it does rot their teeth.

Hermit crabs have been known to have symbiotic relationships with sea anemones.

The crabs let the anemones ride around on their shells and will even share food with them.

It's a prime example of keepng your friends close and your anemones closer.

How do crabs run in Alabama?

They run in family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The beach thought he had crabs.

He went to the sexual health clinic to be shore.

How do crabs move from one person to the next?

They use pubic transport

Where do crabs and lobsters park their public transport vehicles?

At the Bustacean

I bought two hermit crabs

I put them in the same small cage, are they still hermit crabs???

A man asks the waiter : "Do you serve crabs here?"

"Take a seat. We serve everybody."

what do you call a pit stop that sells crabs and pizza?

a crust station

I hate crabs

They’re literally Cancer.

A crab fisherman walks into a bar with a crab.

He sets the crab on the bar and it proceeds to walk perfectly straight ahead, instead of scuttling side to side like crabs usually do. The bartender, impressed, offers the fisherman $50 for the amazing crab and takes it home. The next day he takes the crab out of the cage, and it begins scuttling si...

Excuse me, does this restaurant serve crabs?

Sit right down sir. We serve everybody.

How do you get rid of crabs?

You go to the movie theatre and feed them popcorn, when they get up to go get a sip of water you move seats.

Two crabs wouldn’t share their food

That’s shellfish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do tampons have strings?

So the crabs can bungee jump.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a film director that has crabs?

Alfred Itchcock

Osama=Crabs

What do Osama Bin Laden and crabs have in common?

They both irritate Bush.

Sometimes i rub sand into my pubes

Just so I can make my crabs feel at home.

What's the most effective way to get rid of crabs?

Shave half your pubes, light the other half on fire and smash them with a hammer when they come running out.

Your momma is so poor

She gave me imitation crabs.

How do you test a pirate for crabs?

Swab the deck!

Today I watched a documentary about crustaceans and I saw a crab take another crab's food...

...crabs can be so shellfish right?

I love going to the beach, having a seat, and pull sand up to my crotch

Makes the crabs feel more at home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man visits a prostitute who charges 20$ and ends up with crabs so he goes back and complains.

She replys: "It was only 20$. What were you expecting? Lobster?"

YO momma so nasty...

She pours salt water down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.

Marylanders: Do you know how to tell the difference between male and female Chesapeake blue crabs ?

The female will tell you how to eat her.

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