A man visits a prostitute who charges 20$ and ends up with crabs so he goes back and complains.

She replys: "It was only 20$. What were you expecting? Lobster?"

If the salmon come in on the salmon boat and the lobsters come in on the lobster boat, what boat do the crabs come in on?

The captain's dinghy

How did crabs get around Atlantis?

Pubic transportation

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they’re shellfish

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?

Excuse me, does this restaurant serve crabs?

Sit right down sir. We serve everybody.

I bought two hermit crabs

I put them in the same small cage, are they still hermit crabs???

How do you get rid of crabs?

You go to the movie theatre and feed them popcorn, when they get up to go get a sip of water you move seats.

Why don't crabs donate to charity?

They're shellfish penny pinchers.

A crab fisherman walks into a bar with a crab.

He sets the crab on the bar and it proceeds to walk perfectly straight ahead, instead of scuttling side to side like crabs usually do. The bartender, impressed, offers the fisherman $50 for the amazing crab and takes it home. The next day he takes the crab out of the cage, and it begins scuttling si...

Two crabs wouldn’t share their food

That’s shellfish.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a film director that has crabs?

Alfred Itchcock

Scientists found out that crabs hear through their legs.

A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.

Sometimes i rub sand into my pubes

Just so I can make my crabs feel at home.

The ocean floor is just like the red light district

It's dark, sketchy, and everyone has experience with crabs

Whats the name of that old reality show where they go fishing and catch a bunch of crabs?

Oh, right.

Jersey Shore...I miss that show.

What's the most effective way to get rid of crabs?

Shave half your pubes, light the other half on fire and smash them with a hammer when they come running out.

My girlfriend screamed when I told her I had crabs

I mean, they make interesting pets. She should be much more worried about my HIV testing results.

I hate crabs

They’re literally Cancer.

The Kayak Accident

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about
your wife”, said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?”, Wilkens exclaimed.
...

Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures;

they only use pubic transportation.

A lawyer boarded an airplane

in Baltimore with a box of frozen soft shell crabs and asked a stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator..
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haug...