I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, Jehovah's Witnesses, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables

I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!

what did the seeker say to the hider after beating him up with a broom handle?

ICU

Hayden Christensen got mad and punched an autograph seeker

The Sith really hit the fan!

Redneck Job seekers

2 redneck brothers are going to an employment agency

The counselor asks the 1st redneck "do you have any special skills?"

He replies "I'm a pilot."

She says "oh that's wonderful! There is a high demand for good pilots. if you go down to the airport you will have no problem f...

I'm a paranoid attention seeker.

I always think someone isn't talking about me.

An Asylum Seeker has been found dead in a cheese vat.

Police are unsure of his nationality but say he looks Kurdish.

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

As much of a thrill-seeker as I am, I would never bungee jump...

I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I’m not going out because of one...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,

"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "<...

We were at Kyle's place last week and had an idea

You know how everyone has occasionally had the great idea to try and snort assorted things? Like pixie stix and rock candy? That's where this story takes place.

Somehow the topic of conversation wandered to the effects of cocaine and other substances on the nostrils. The attention seeker of t...

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An asylum seeker is at the side of the road eating grass.

A man pulls up in his car and says, "Hey! Don't eat that. Come home with me and I'll feed you."

The asylum seeker replies, "I have four wives and twelve kids, can they come too?"

The man says, "No, I've only got a small lawn!"

Newton, Pascal and Tesla were playing hide and go seek.

For the first round, Tesla was the seeker. He began counting to 100 and Pascal scurried off to find somewhere to hide.
However, Newton simply drew a square on the ground and stepped into it.

When Tesla finished counting he opened his eyes to see Newton standing in front of him, not even at...

Newton, Pascal and Einstein go to play hide and seek...

Newton, Pascal and Einstein go to play hide and seek. Einstein became the seeker, so Newton and Pascal ran to find their hiding spots. Einstein finished counting and went to search. He saw Newton still lingering around.

Einstein: "You're it!"

Newton: "No. I am Newton who is upon a 1 m^...

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A game of hide and seek

4 brothers were playing a game of hide and seek; Manners, None of your business, Shit and Trouble.
Manners, being the oldest, is elected as the seeker. Not long after finishing counting, he finds None of your business and Shit. Trouble, the youngest of the brothers, is noted as the best hide and ...

Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job?

Job seeker: Because the company moved.

Interviewer: Where did it move to?

Job seeker: They didn't tell me.

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A starving asylum seeker is greeted at Dover by a good fairy who grants him three wishes.

The asylum seeker says "I'm hungry." (POW) a huge banquet appears! He then says "Now I want a nice house." (POW) a big mansion with a swimming pool appears. He then says "I want to be British." (POW) everything vanishes! He asks "Where has everything gone?" the fairy says "You're British now mate. Y...

Three Kids

So there's three kids, and they all are playing Hide N' Seek. The kids' names are Trouble, Manners, and Shutup. Trouble is the seeker, Manners hid in the trash, and Shutup hid in the police station. A police officer comes up to Shutup and says, "Hey, what's your name?" He says, "Shutup." The police ...

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Anna Kournikova is approached by her agent with one last career option.

He explains that with her youthful looks behind her, her best option is to take a training shoe endorsement she has been offered. She'll only need to model the footwear from the legs down, and give them use of her name.

She's reluctant because years of top level tennis gave her leg muscles wh...

I went to Yale

Interviewer: how do you explain the three year gaps in your resume?

Job Seeker: ahh, that was when I went to yale

Interviewer: woww amazing, you are hired!

Job Seeker: yayy I got a yob!!!

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.......

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Just had some syrian ask me the way to the mental institution,

Fucking asylum seeker.

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The Advice

In the province of Punjab, lived Joe- the most desirable man in the entire world. The prettiest women all around the world desired to have him, and Joe, who co-incidentally happened to be a big fan of The Office, was aware of the effect he had on women.

Joe was very clear that he wouldn’t le...

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The Vagrants

Five men were brought in front of a judge on charges of vagrancy, public indecency and solicitation. They insisted, however, that they were just looking for work.


"What do you do?", the judge asked the first man.


“I’m a cork soaker.”


The judge blinked. “Pardon?”
<...

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein, the seeker, turns around and begins his count to 50. Pascal immediately runs off. Newton, however, takes a marker and draws a meter-by-meter square on the ground. When Einstein finishes his count, he turns around and sees Newton standing in his square. When Einstein exclaims that he found ...

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek

Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot....

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How do you confuse a Daily Mail reader?

Tell him that asylum seekers kill pedophiles.

Don't mention the ears!

A job seeker goes for a job interview..the interviewer asks him, "what's the first thing you notice about me?".."well," says the man,"you don't have any ears."..the interviewer looks at him madly,slams down his fist and yells, "get out..send in the next guy!!"..so the 2nd guy walks in.."OK," says th...

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