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Scottish Jokes

THE SCOTTISH BROTHEL...

The madam opened the brothel door in Milngavie and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
*"May I help you sir?"* she asked.


The man replied,  *"I want to see Suzy."*


*"Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies ...

Scottish Humor

It’s called a “Kilt” because I kilt the last man who called it a skirt.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

A lot of people wonder what a true Scotsman wears under his kilt, but don't ask him: he'll not tell ya, he'll show ya.

In Scotla...

Two Scottish Nuns

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs!"

"Odd," her companion replied, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother...

Scottish guy rings in to his boss.

I am sorry boss I won't be in work today.

Boss: Why not?

Scottish guy: I have a wee cough.

Boss: You have a wee Cough?

Scottish guy: Oh thanks boss, I was only going to take today off.

a Scottish man walks into a bar in canada

He noticed there is an animal's head hanging on the wall and asked the bartender what is it

"A moose" replied the bartender

"Jesus christ! How big are the cats here?" Said the scot

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Scottish blood

An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.

...

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My 75 y/o Scottish grandpa told me this at a family lunch.

A farmer walks into the bar and sits down beside me looking extremely agitated.


"What's goin' on with ya Pete?"


"Ah jesus, Brian. So I got up early and was milking my biggest cow in her stall. I had a pail just about full when she kicked her right leg and spilled the entire thi...

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Don't ever underestimate a Scottish police officer?

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Scottish cop.

 

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON, and is certain that he has a better education than any Scottish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Sco...

Old Scottish joke I remembered that just became relevant again...

The head greenkeeper of St Andrews golf course was out inspecting the greens one morning when he spotted a golfer bending over the stream on the 18th, scooping up water with his hand and drinking it.

'Haw', he shouted, 'Ye shouldnae drink that watter, it's got coo's pish in it!'

The go...

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A British, Irish and Scottish

Walk into a bar and all order a beer. Unfortunately. A fly lands in each beer. The British guy asks for another beer and gets one. The Irish guy picks the fly out and puts it to the side. The Scottish guy takes the fly by the leg and scream "SPIT IT OUT, YA DIRTY BASTARD!!!".

Two scottish girls

Two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent.

Bartender said: So, are you two girls from Scotland?

One of them said: "Wales Idiot!"

"Oh, I am terribly sorry about that", says the bartender

"So, are you two Whales from Scotland?"

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One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had

He started counting, and after a minute or so, he fell asleep

A Scottish guy goes on holiday in Canada

He befriends a local at the bar. As they are stumbling home he sees a gigantic animal across the road. "Whats that?" he slurs.

"Oh that's just a moose."

"Och! If that's a moose, how big are your rats?!"

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An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives.

They all sit down and order a cup of tea. The Englishman looks to his wife and says “could you pass the honey, honey?” The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his wife and says “could you pass the sugar, sugar?” The Irish man - not wanting to be out witted by the other ...

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irish man walk into a bar.

They all had to leave because the English man voted to.

A helicopter loses power over a remote Scottish island and makes an emergency landing.

Luckily, there's a cottage nearby, so the pilot knocks on the door. "Is there a mechanic in the area?" he asks the woman who answers.

She thinks for a minute. "No, but we do have a McArdle and a McKay."

Scottish bath

A Scottish couple took in a young woman as a lodger.

She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathtub inside, although if she wanted to, she could use the outside tub.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to play darts," s...

What do you call a Scottish man who’s lost his dog?

Douglas

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An English spy, a Scottish spy and an Irish spy are captured by the Nazis.

The Nazis ask if they have any last wishes

The Irishman says "I want the Irish national anthem to be played before I die"

The Scottish man says "I want the Scottish anthem to be played on bagpipes before I die"

The Englishman says "I wanna die first"

Why do the Scottish wear kilts?

Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

A Scottish woman visiting the U.S. walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a domestic beer. The bartender asks, "Anheuser Busch?"

The woman, a bit confused replies " It's fine I guess...... Anheuser pecker?"

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This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada…

After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.

After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.

He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?"

The barman says, "It's a Moose."

The Scottis...

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A Scottish woman walks into a sex store. She has a shopping for a dildo.

The clerk shows her a white one. She declines it. He shows her a black dildo. She declines it again. She looks over his shoulder and asks how much the tartan dildo is. He replies “Ma’am, that is my thermos”.

A new doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital

As they enter one ward, the nearest patient turns to him and says "Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"

Before the doctor can react, the patient in the next bed adds "Wee sleekit cowerin' timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"

And not to ...

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

I met the Godfather of the Scottish mafia earlier...

He made me an offer I couldn’t understand.

A Scottish man walks into a bakery.

He asks the baker "is that a cake or a meringue"

The baker replies "Nah, you're right mate"

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Scottish Flirting

A couple went out to the pub in Scotland for a few drinks. The boyfriend went to the loo, leaving his girlfriend alone at the bar.

A sauced fellow approaches her at the bar. "Wow," he says in his thick accent, "you're so beautiful! If yous was my girlfriend, I'd kiss ye all over!"

The ...

What are the Scottish' favorite type of bread?

Gaelic Bread

New Scottish First Minister just promised to renew negotiations for independence

No matter what happens, I'm sure the English will walk out scot-free

My background is English, Irish, and Scottish.

Ask me again why I have so much inner conflict.

A Scottish man visits Canada for the first time

He goes for a hike and sees a moose. He asks the park ranger,
“Oi! What animal is that then?”
“That’s a moose,” the ranger replied.
“A moose!” exclaimed the Scotsman, “If that there’s a moose, dear laddie, ye must have rats the size of elephants then!”

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My friend said he could speak German, French and Scottish.

When I didn't believe him he said: "Ja Oui Bastard."

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A Scottish man walks into a bar, looking depressed.

He sits down at the bar and orders a shot. The bartender hands it to him, and he downs it in one go, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and scowling. The bartender, knowing from years of experience that this man must obviously have something he needs to get off his chest, begins buffing a gl...

Scottish Trade

A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,

"Excuse me Miss, day ye harv eni books on suicide?"

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says,

"Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"

A Scottish soldier goes to the US for special military training...

The next day morning he goes to the platoon and after looking at him the officer asks him:

\- Private, did you come here to die?

To which he responds:

\- No sir, I came here yesterday.

Why do scottish people sing 'Danger Zone' when they forget their password?

Because they Kenny Loggin.

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An English man, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all make plans to book into the same hotel but on 3 different nights

When the English man arrives at the hotel, the manager tells him that there is one room available, it already has a female guest, and there's only one double bed, the English man isn't bothered by this and walks up to his room, he opens the door and there's a woman lay on the bed...she opens her leg...

Why does Scottish Mickey Mouse no longer use his helicopter?

It Disney land.

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One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.

Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle.

At ...

The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"

One of them angrily screeched: "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied: "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And that's...

Why is the Scottish national garb called the kilt?

Because if you call it a skirt where they can hear you, you get kilt.

I met someone special in a Scottish ICU.

*Alas…*

What’s the difference btw an Onion and an Englishman?

No one cries when you cut up an Englishman

Note: don’t know if the context helps, but a friend heard this from a Scottish tour guide on a trip to Britain.

Two Scottish ducks were flying south..

The first duck says:
- Quack.

The second duck says:
- Am flyin as quack as I can!

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How does a Scottish Farmer have sex with a sheep?

On the edge of a cliff so it pushes back.

An English man, a Welsh man and a Scottish man find a lamp

One of them give it a rub and a genie pops out.
"Thank you for releasing me! You can have 3 wishes, so I that makes it one wish each!"


The Welsh guy goes first, he looks a little shifty, but decides to go ahead anyway
"Genie is it? Alright so, I want you to build a wall betwee...

Generous Scottish Woman

One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth.

Once inside the house, he complain...

There is an old Scottish proverb that says....

If you're smart enough to fall asleep in a field of cows, you're guaranteed to get a pat on the back.

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Three attractive women are on a plane together: an Scottish woman named Nessa, a Latina named Rosita, and a black woman named Ladonna.

The plane is flying over the ocean when it suddenly crashes and falls into the ocean. The three women climb onto a floatation device.

Nessa takes off her clothes and puts on a green bikini from her carry-on bag. "I'm wearing my green bikini because it contrasts with the red of my hair, and we...

A journalist is writing an article about the trend for Scottish men to wear tights under their kilts

She walks up to an old man on the streets of Glasgow and asks 'excuse me, do you ever wear a kilt?'

'Aye, about once a week or so you'll catch me in a kilt.'

'Well when you wear a kilt, do you wear tights underneath?'

'Aye, every time I've worn a kilt for the past three years I ...

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A British spy, Irish spy and Scottish spy are captured by the Nazis

Just as the Nazis are about to open fire, the British spy shouts

"Hurricane!"

and all the Nazis run, allowing the British spy to escape

Angered, they return, and prepare to shoot the Scottish spy when he shouts

"Typhoon!"

and all the Nazis run, allowing the Scottis...

A Scottish man walks into a bar..

.. There's usually an Irishman & Englishman in this joke but they're still at the Rugby World Cup.

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A reporter interviews a man in the scottish hinterlands

to find out about his best life experiences.

He asks him: "What was the greatest experience in your life so far?"

Guy: "One time one of our sheep got lost in the woods. So the whole village went out and searched for it. And when we found it, everyone took turns and had sex with it. It ...

How did the judge understand that the defendant is Scottish?

He admitted his kilt.

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I'm going to open a Scottish themed strip club...

I'm going to call it haggis, nips and titties

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will begin our descent soon," the Scottish pilot announced, as he took a hit and passed the joint to his copilot.

The copilot shook his head. "Look, I'm not gonna rat you out to air traffic control," he said. "But please, *please* stop asking me to call you 'The Highlander."

My Scottish girlfriend said she needed more space.

She wasn’t too thrilled when I surprised her at work with habaneros.

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A Scottish Soldier marches into a pharmacy

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also
unfolds to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patc...

A nice Scottish lad moves to New York.

After 6 months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. Horrible, he says. They always yell and scream. He hates how they pound on the walls and stomp the floors. Oh pure! she says, how do you get by?

I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes, says the lad.

What do the Scottish call a speech impediment?

A pain in the R’s

A Scottish Terrier walks into a bank

He sits at the desk of the Loan Officer, a Ms. Patty Black. He asks if he’s eligible for a small business loan.

“Do you have any collateral?”, Patty asks.

“I do have this,” replies the Terrier, rooting around in his bag and pulling out a small porcelain figurine.

“I’m not sur...

Here, in Hungary, we have a lot of scottish jokes. These show the scottish as a greedy, money-chasing men.

So a Hungarian heard enough Scottish jokes, and decides to go to Scotland. He arrives, goes to the countryside, and knocks on a random door in a village.
-Hello?
-Yes, who's there?- A young woman opens the door.
-So I was hiking through this little village, and my throat is very dry. I was ...

Two Scottish men die in a car crash and go to hell

Two Scottish men die in a car crash and go to hell they both sit in their room laughing and joking about how nice hell is then the devil walks past their room and heres this furious he asks them why they are so content one of the men says hell is so warm we never get temperature like this in Glasgo...

I need your best Scottish joke, asap! Scottish stepdad's birthday today.

I need a good Scottish joke or two to make fun of his primitive Tartan wearin' bagpipe blowin' and Braveheart barbarian culture.

Preferably, the joke will make fun of Scots as a bunch of useless drunkards subjugated by the English.

This is becoming a bit of a birthday tradition so giv...

In the early days of mixed play, an English couple, an Irish couple and a Scottish couple are at the links ready to tee off.

The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee first and as she bends over to place ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.


“Allo! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded. “Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy a...

What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas?

A Wii fit

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A Scottish man's daughter comes home from college.

She says "Dad, I've decided to become a prostitute." The dad says "Yes, I know, and that's okay. I've already heard about that from your boyfriend, and I almost had a heart attack, because, at first I thought he said Protestant."

Ok I have a Scottish joke: Sam Wanamaker, Immanuel Kant. Sammy Cahn…

… but Walt Disney.

What is a Scottish snack that is gloated about?

Braggis

Two Scottish women are visiting Canada..

When they come across a skunk.
“Ahh look a’this wee thing, it’s well cute!”
“Aye a know but leave it be”
“No but I think I wantit like yoo know as a pet”
“Y’canny be serious lass?”
“I’m taking it home wimme!”
“What on the plane an all?”
“Aye”
“Ach, where y’gonna put it?”
...

A Scottish guy phones in sick to work.

Boss ask's what is wrong Jimmy? Jimmy replies I have a wee cough.

Boss says you have a wee cough? Jimmy says thank you Boss I was only going to take one day.

What does Scottish Bart Simpson say

Aye, caramba






He is also called McSimpson

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An old Scottish fisherman is visiting Glasgow

An old Scottish fisherman is visiting Glasgow. Since his wife passed away years ago and he has not been active since then, he decides to take the opportunity and go the red-light district.

After a short negotiation on the street, he follows a tall, skinny lady into a darkened hotel room. Fuck...

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A man hires a Scottish prostitute but finishes before she actually touches him

He got off scot-free.

What's big, Scottish, and depressing?

Scotland.

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Two Scottish couples

Two Scottish couples decide to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Brian says: "You look exactly like my GF. I hope you had as much fun as I did".

His swap replied - Baa

Did you hear about the Scottish farmer who thought he'd caught a nasty STD?

Turns out he was allergic to wool.

The Scottish Painter

There was a Scottish painter named Jack who was very interested in making a pound where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a little bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time.

Eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration j...

Scottish lawmakers recently voted to make menstrual products free

It's about bloody time.

A Scottish man goes to his first baseball game...

He knows nothing about the game so when the first batter got walked, the Scotsman asked the fans next to him what happened.

"He got four balls, so he gets to go to first base freely," to which the Scotsman stood, and clapping loudly, shouted "Walk proud, lad! Walk proud!"

Frog DNA...

A frog got his DNA test back.
He's part Scottish, part Irish and a tad Pole.

An Irish man, an English man and a Scottish man go to a church

An Irish man, an English man and a Scottish man are walking down the street. The Irish man lights a cigarette, and just as he lights it the English man says "look there's a nice church over there, lets go in and see it". The Irish man annoyed says "fine lets go", puts out his cigarette and puts it i...

Why are the scottish mean?

They 'ave rage

An English man, Irish man and Scottish man...

Are on a plane and the pilot comes out and issues everyone a challange, "if you can guess where we are by sticking your hand out of the window ill give you 50 grand" the Scottish man quickly jumps up and sticks his hand out of the window "we are in Dundee" he guessed, the pilot shakes his head. Then...

There's a stereotype that Scottish men are bad at showing their emotions. This isn't true!

I once knew a Scot who loved his wife so much he almost told her!

You guys heard about the drop in the Scottish wool market?

Next thing they are gonna tell us about how the eggconomy is scrambled too!

I'm getting sick of spending time with my Scottish family and their Scottish cows...

Wee kin, wee cow

You'll only get this if you're Scottish

(Came up with this when I was 8. Let's just say that I don't think it's as good as I thought it was all those years ago!)

What did the sandwich aliens say when they landed on Earth?

"We come in a piece."

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A backpacker is in the Scottish Highlands, when he comes upon a bar in a seaside village.

He decides to go into the bar. There is one other person there, an old, burly man.

"Yer see this bar here? I built this bar with my bare hands, chopped the finest wood in the county, with the finest nails, but do they call me McGregor the bar builder? No."

*points out the window*
...

I saw a Scottish man in a mini kilt the other day.

I thought, that shows a lot of balls.

I have both Irish and Scottish ancestry

I love to drink, but hate to pay for it.

(Joke Credit: Johnny Cunningham via Kevin Burke).

Did you hear about the Scottish Space Agency mission to land on the sun?

They went at night to make sure it wouldn't be too hot

Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day.

Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total," says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman,...

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A Scotsman goes into a brothel

in Amsterdam one night and finds himself a nice-looking prostitute.

He asks her, 'How much dae ye charge for an hour?' '€100,' she replies.

So he asks, 'Okay, dae ye dae it Scottish style?' She says 'No!'

He then says 'I'll gie you €200 to dae it Scottish style'. She didn't...

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What do you call a short Scottish stripper?

I don't know, but they sound a little off-kilter.

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

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TIFU: I met my girlfriend’s Scottish Dad.

Girlfriend’s Dad: So yer me daughter’s new boyfriend eye ye fucka?
Me: Well yes actually, once on the couch and one in your bed.

The guy that fixes my car is a Scottish Canadian

He’s a McCanuck

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A Scottish priest finds a dead pig.

A Scottish priest is driving home when he comes across a dead pig lying on the side of the road. So he calls the police to inform them.

A cocky sergeant answers the call.
"Did ye read him his last rites?" the sergeant smirked

"Naw." replies the priest. "I thought I'd inform his next...

Scottish Obituary

A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the Obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The Editor informs her that there is a charge of one dollar per word.
She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well then, let it read: 'Fred Brown died.' "
Amused at the Woma...

Ok, time to see if a Scottish joke translates...

Two cows are standing in a field, which one is going on holiday?


The one with the wee calf.

A man is drunk in a bar,

Across the bar he sees three heavy set women, speaking with Scottish sounding accents. He makes his way to the women and asks; "Excuse me, are you ladies from Scotland?" The first women gets mad and yells "It's Wales, you ass! Wales!" The man the replies. "I'm sorry, are you three whales from Scotla...

Scottish couple decided to go to Spain

A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier, but because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and fl...

Scottish man at the ranch

A scottish man is visiting a texas oilman. They spend hours touring the ranch; it's an enormous property. Eventually the oilman brags, "I can jump in my car and drive until sun down. I'd never hit the edge of my claim!". The scotsman replies, "Aye, I had a car like that once too".

I took a Scottish girl to the countryside.

"Hello view!" she said, looking out the window of our rented house.

I said, "I love you too..."

Who wants to be a millionaire

Did you hear about the Scottish guy who got to the final question on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, in America. The million dollar question was “Where is Santa Fe”? He answered the North Pole!

I once asked a Scottish man...

“What’s under a kilt?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “On a good day,”

He said, “lipstick.”

Fat Girls

Last night I was having some wings and beer with a coworker after work. There were these two pretty, but kinda fat girls drinking at the bar and being loud. They had what I could have sworn was a Scottish accent.

I'm a big fan of girls from the UK, so I struck up a conversation. I asked them,...

What have Muslims and Scottish weather got in common?

They're often either Sunni or Shiite.

What do you call a little boy who’s half French and half Scottish?

A oui lad

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A Scottish man was at a baseball game.

It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached home plate, he took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming, "run, run!" This happened two more times, with a single and a triple.

The Scotchman was now exited and ...

Scottish chip shop joke

scotsman: Chips and a steak and kidley pie please

Server: you said kidley

scotsman: no I didley

A young Scottish lad and lassie

were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands and gazing out at the Loch.

They sat in silence for several minutes before the girl looked at the boy.

“A penny for your thoughts, Angus,” she said.

“Well, I was thinking. Perhaps it’s about time for a wee kiss,” he replied.
...

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An old Scottish builder walks into a bar.

He sits down orders a tall beer, and tells the bartender

You see that fence out back, i built it 10 miles long, all by hand. But do they call me McGregor the fence builder, no

You see that dock out front, i hammered all the post in 14 feet of water sanded the deck boards. But do they c...

I'm wary of the the Scottish at the moment

I heard the main symptoms of COVID-19 are fever, cough, and shortness of bread.

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Two Scottish men go golfing on a Saturday morning...

As they are in the middle of their round, a funeral procession passes in full view of the two golfers. One of them stops everything, pulls his hat off, and holds it over his heart as he watches. He stands there, not touching his clubs until the very last car passes the course.

"Wow," says...

One night an old Scottish man was going to the pub

like he had done for the last 40 years.
He told his wife “Molly go and put on your coat”
Molly was delighted. “Awwww James are you finally taking me with you to the pub, after all these years! You always say You don’t want we there!!”
“No Molly, I’m just going to turn off the heater while ...

If a Scottish person got just a little upset every time he was mistaken for his Gaelic neighbors...

...wouldn't that still make him ire-ish?

(This was my first joke I wrote a few years ago. It's bad, but I wanted to post it as a cake day commemoration. And then never tell it again :D)

Did you know the Scottish invented condoms?

They would use the intestines of sheep as a contraceptive.
The English then refined the idea by taking the intestines out of the sheep first.

A girl dares a scottish boy to climb up a flagpole.

He bets her five dollars that he can and she agrees. He climbs all the way to the top and gets his five bucks.

He tells his mom after school, feeling proud of his accomplishment.

“Och honey, she jist wanted ye tae climb th' pole sae she coods see up yer kilt.” She says, shaking her hea...

An English man, Scottish man and Irish man go to the moon...

Once they get there the English man finds an apple, and the other two bet that he cannot throw it back to earth, he tries and completes his dare. When he gets back to earth he sees a little boy sitting on the side of the road crying. “Why are you crying little boy” asks the English man. “An apple ju...

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