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Gaelic Jokes

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Here’s a Gaelic joke translated...

3 vampires are in a restaurant: rich, middle class, and poor. They asked for a menu, and later on told the waiter that they’re ready to order.

Waiter: What can I get for you?

Rich Vampire: Fresh blood please.

Middle Class Vampire: Blood pudding please.

Poor Vampire: Erm.....

What are the Scottish' favorite type of bread?

Gaelic Bread

If a Scottish person got just a little upset every time he was mistaken for his Gaelic neighbors...

...wouldn't that still make him ire-ish?

(This was my first joke I wrote a few years ago. It's bad, but I wanted to post it as a cake day commemoration. And then never tell it again :D)

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What do you call an Irishman with a homoerotic tongue fetish?

Gaelic

Why are there so few Irish vampires?

They can't stand Gaelic.

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Mary comes home to tell her father she is a prostitute

A staunch catholic - he is outraged.

Father: "How can you do this to your mother and I! After how we raised you, took you to chapel and taught you to live by the ways of the Lord! What in heavens name will the rest of the family think of you? Think of us!?

No, I won't have it, you'l...

Patrick died and went to the gates of heaven

There he saw a man with a halo sitting behind a table waiting. As he approached the Saint looked up and Patrick saw two keys hanging around his neck on a chain, the keys to the pearly gates themselves. This must be St. Peter, Patrick thought.

''Hello Patrick. I just have to check through you...

I'm Irish and Italian.

Half Gaelic, half garlic.

What do you call a Scottish dude giving another dude a rimjob?

A gaelic

What's the most commonly spoken language amongst LGBT people?

Gaelic.

IRISH EATS ITALIAN

Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.

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An Irishman stops at an airport in England...

An Irishman stops at an airport in England. While he's waiting for his flight to arrive, he decides to make a quick stop at the airport bar.

As it's late at night, there's only the bartender and two other people there. Always willing to make a new friend, he sits down with the two and starts ...

I was at the pub the other night and overheard three hefty women talking at the bar....

Their accent appeared to be Gaelic, so I approached and asked,

"Hello, are you three lassies from Ireland?"

One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Ireland?"

And that's the...

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Gay guy goes to Ireland

Gay guy at work says at a meeting that he will be gone for the next couple weeks. When asked what he's doing he says he's going to Ireland. I look over to my buddy and say "he's going to be disappointed when he finds out Gaelic doesn't mean what he thinks it does."

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The Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the West coast of Ireland lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she died, she went to the village’s only undertaker who also happened to be the local p...

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