UPJOKE
glasgowscotlandedinburghtownbirminghamportsmouthdundeecityinvernessworcestergloucestermelbournemanchesternorthamptondurham

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shipwrecked Scotsman is rescued by a Royal Navy destroyer

...he is taken to the sick bay where a beautiful young nurse is waiting.

"Our Captain wanted me to tell that he is from Aberdeen and wants his countryman to be receive the best of care. How long has it been since you had a drink of Whisky?"

"Five long years my dear." The Scotsman rep...

A Scotsman moves to London

“How’s the flat you’re living in in London, Jock?” asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.

“It’s okay,” he replies, “but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps banging his head on the wall.”

“Never you mind,” says his mother...

The house phone

went at one minute past midnight last night, I answered and went all sombre as I was talking to the wife's Dad.







I came off the phone and told the wife her mother had died of a heart attack. She immediately got up and drove through the night from Cornwall to Aberdeen,...

The British at University

A famous scientist, Arnold Nijmegen, was on his way to a lecture in yet another university, this one in Aberdeen, Scotland, when his chauffeur offered an idea.
'Tell you what, sir, I've heard your speech so many times I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off.'
'Sounds great,' the N...

Strange Neighbors

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.

After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.

‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are some reall...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.