This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Celtic vs. Rangers

(Celtic and Rangers are rival Scottish football teams, the fans are *not* fond of each other.)

At the Celtic vs. Rangers match, Jimmy, a Celtic fan accidentally ends up with the Rangers fans.

To his bad luck, he is spotted just as Celtic score.
A huge, drunk and angry Scotsman walks...

Have you inspired many people to become new-age, Celtic singers?

Cos youโ€™re making me wanna be Enya.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Once a man decided to worship a Celtic god of good fortune named Sucellus.

(*This particular god carries a large hammer*) Since nobody has worshipped him for millennia, the God was pleased and decided to appear before the man.

God: You mortals have forgotten me for so long. I am very flattered that you thought to worship me. For that I will grant you three wishes.<...

What do you call an antique comb used to make braids, buns, and Celtic knots passed from generation to generation

Hair loom.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

While playing in my local basketball rec league, I once thought that my next game would be against the Boston Celtics.

I was proven wrong once the game started and I got a good look at the opponents. They wore grey instead of green. Likewise, Kemba Walker, Jayson Tatum, Gordon Hayward, and Jaylen Brown were nowhere to be found.

Instead, I found myself face-to-face with a bunch of stinky, over-weight neckbea...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Bartender

A traveler walks into a bar, asks for the local brew, and the bartender's name.
Bartender says "you must be new here..." And takes out a perfectly pristine glass, sounds it around his hand, and pours a perfect pint. He says "that... Is the perfect pint of beer. I've been pouring the perfect pint ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A phone call home...

A Brazilian football (soccer) star is on international commitments, representing Brazil at the World Cup far from home. He takes a few moments to speak to his family.

"So, how's things at home?" he asks.

"Terrible!", his mother replies. "We have no money. Your father is unemployed a...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Guy on his deathbed

So there is a guy lying in bed. He is catholic and a celtics fan. He's lying in bed, he's totally dying. He has very little time left.

All his family ask him, "Any last request?" And the guy's like, 'Aye, I wanna become a proddy (Protestant).

And the family are like "What? Really wha...

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