Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

Josey wasn't the best Sunday School student.

She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question.

"Who is the creator of the universe?"

Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with his pencil to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated h...

Aliens visit Earth. They come in peace and surprisingly , they speak English.

Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"

"You mean JC?", responds the alien. "Yeah, we know him! He's th...

Easter is the holiday where we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and savior:

The Easter Bunny

I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies

Yup, he’s my screen-savior

So I've been thinkin of opening a christian based Fromagerie,

I even picked out a logo. Jesus Cheesus. Our Grate Lord and Savior

“Knock knock” “Hi, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Jesus Christ?”

“Yes”
.........
................

“Would you like to step inside?”
“I’m not sure, I’ve never made it this far”

My Lord, the Savior

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.
He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the b...

Why did 4 think that -1 and 0 were his saviors?

Because Minus One and Zero Want To Free Four

Reporter 1: The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!

Reporter 2: And that concludes our report from the White House.

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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school

Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “tell me April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April l and the teacher sai...

When I Was A Child I Wanted To Be The Savior Of The World. Then they told me that Jesus was the Son Of God

And I realized it's all who you know....

Sunday School

A little boy and a little girl were at Sunday school one week. Throughout the lecture, the little boy kept poking the girl with his pencil.

About ten minutes of poking and lecturing later, the teacher asks "Who created the earth?"

Little girl, tired of being poked by the pencil, slams ...

Oh my good and fellow Christians! It has been foretold our Lord and savior will once again rise from the dead and bless us all this Easter!

April Fools!

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An ad man is overwhelmed with work...

An ad man is overwhelmed with work so he contracts our his easiest account, for Acme Nails, to his brother in law, who is a professional animator, to produce the ad.

Two days before it's due he still hasn't heard anything so he calls his BIL.

"Hey man, you must be done by now, right? I...

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One day, little Susie was sitting in Sunday School

Susie was a good kid who liked to pay attention in here sunday school bible classes. The only problem was the she sat in front of the class delinquent, Joe. While the teacher was teaching, she decided to ask the class a question to make sure all the kids were paying attention.


"So class, ...

Priest Gets his wish

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.

“I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die,” whispered the priest.
“I’ll ...

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Back in 1920's...

...Mrs. Goldstein decided to leave NY for a vacation in Miami Beach. She decided to make a reservation at the Fountainebleu hotel (which at the time, infamously would not rent rooms to Jews or other minorities)

She got to the front desk and signs her name in the ledger. The clerk looks at her...

Lord is my Savior

Father Jones was barely alive, clinging to the remaining wooden flanks of the sinking ship he was on. Rescue boats were busy rescuing other survivors in the ocean as soon as possible, but Father Jones wouldn't want any of that for himself. Being an ardent believer, he insisted *''Lord is my savior!'...

Two priests are walking down the street when a man approaches them, "I'm Jesus Christ," says the man

Priest one: "I don't believe you're our Lord and Savior"

The man turns to the second priest and tells him, "I'm Jesus Christ."

Priest two: "I agree with him, you're not Jesus."

Man: "Well if you walk a couple blocks with me, I can prove that I am Jesus Christ."

The agree ...

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Johnny and mary at bible school

So mary and johnny are at bible school and mary has a habit of falling asleep. When this happens johnny pokes her with his pencil to wake her up.

After the teacher asks a few questions mary falls asleep and the teacher says who is our lord and savior. Johnny pokes mary with his pencil and sh...

A town floods and there is a religious man stuck on his ceiling.

On the first day a boat with other civilians passes by and asks if they want to go with them to safety. The man replies with “God will supply me and be my savior”. The next day firefighters come by in a rescue boat and asks the man if he wants help. He again replies “God will supply me and be my sav...

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Jesus is sitting in a neighborhood bar having a quiet drink....

An Irishman with a bad leg limps in and says to the bartender, “Is the Our Savior?”

Bartender says “yup”

Irishman says, “Give me a Whisky and set the Saviors up as well”

An Italian man walks in, hunched over from a bad back. He says to tge bartender, “Is that Our Lord Jesus?”...

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

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In the draw down of WWII...

Dignitaries and generals were touring Nazi facilities in Europe. One of the stops that they made was at a naval base where the dreaded U-Boats were based.

The dignitaries and their staffs were headed to a captured U-Boat, when a droning was noticed, and the air raid sirens went off. The Luft...

A devout Christian man living in New Orleans refuses to leave his home after hearing news of an imminent hurricane and flood.

A richly devout Christian man lives alone in New Orleans. He keeps to himself mostly, isolating himself in prayer and self-reflection with little care for the outside world.


One day, the man notices it growing dark outside earlier than normal. He steps outside and feels the wind has pick...

I was about to be hit by a bus and a Latino saved me.

That is why Jesus is my Savior.

Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey

This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. With Hurricane Harvey currently outside my window, I was reminded of it. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I.


A woman lives on the Texas coastline. Her town orders her to evacua...

An American missionary visits a small farming village in Africa...

He's giving his fire and brimstone speech, preaching to all the locals, and they are INTO IT. "He is the light and the way," he says, "without whom we would all be damned to eternal hellfire!"

"Hazunga!" Yell the natives.

"Accept Christ as your lord and savior, or be cast down!"
...

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Little Johnny is falling asleep in class and little Susie is sitting behind him

The teacher noticed Johnny’s head down so she called on him to answer: “Johnny, who is our lord and savior?” Susie pokes him in the back with a pencil, making him jerk awake and scream “JESUS CHRIST!” The teacher was shocked but just said “very good Johnny” and he fell back asleep. Teacher notices t...

Martians and Jesus

So a Martian arrives on earth. Obviously humanity has many questions for him, so the U.N. decides to arrange a conference. All the world leaders, public intellectuals and religious heads are in attendance to ask their most burning questions.

When it is the Pope's turn, he asks, "I was wonderi...

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Religion at its finest

One day Johnny and Sarah are sitting in religion class.
Johnny was really tired so he kept falling asleep.

The teacher asked the class “who is the son of god?”
She called on Johnny and Sarah pokes him really hard with the sharp end of her pencil and it woke him up in a fright and he yel...

Dude exclusively hangs out with other dudes...kisses the dude he loves best...never gets married or even has a gf. You’re thinking what I’m thinking, right?

Yep, it’s Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

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So Jesus and Satan get in an Excel spreadsheet competition...

One day in Heaven, Jesus and Satan are bickering nonstop about which of them is better than the other. "I'm better than you in every way!" says Satan. "No, I’m Earth’s savior. Clearly, I'm the best," says Jesus. After long enough, God can't take listening to them arguing anymore and says “ENOUGH! We...

I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my laptop if I leave it idle for 10 minutes...

It's my screen savior...

A drunk man is stumbling around outside...

He smells of beer and looks absolutely plastered. A priest walks by and asks him why he's getting drunk so early in the day. The man wobbles a bit and belches out "Why, I'm your lord and savior". The priest is, obviously, unconvinced and begins to walk away. The drunk calls out "Look, I'll prove it!...

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The New Priest

The new priest, at his first mass, was so afraid he could hardly speak. Before his next service, he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. "Next week", said the Monsignor, "it may help if you add some gin to the water pitcher. After a few sips everything should go smoothly."

That Sunday the ...

I met a Chinese guy at a party and told him, “Do I know you? Are you Chris Chen?”

He said, “No. I’m Eric. Do all Asian guys look the same to you?”

Me: No, I meant do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?

A driver loses control of her car, sliding towards a concrete wall...

At the last moment, the companion on the front seat pulls the handbrake. The car turns around and stops inches from the wall.

The pale passengers from the backseats start to cheer their savior.

-Ah, no, honestly, you don't need to thank me. I'm not a driver! I'm a fighter-jet pilot, an...

What is Easter?

As told to me by a priest when I was little:

Three bad Catholics die and go to heaven. Saint Peter says to them "To get into heaven, you must pass a quiz first. What is Easter?"

The first Catholic steps up and says, "Easter is the holiday when a big fat man comes down your chimney an...

One night my family was having dinner

We were having something Mexican but we had a box of white cheddar cheese itz, we always have some sort of chips or crackers.

My brother had a plate of just rice and he was putting the cheese itz on the rice. I was super confused until he said

“Hey Zack, have you heard in our lord and ...

Little Jenny isn't a very good student

She gives an especially poor performance at religion classes. One day, the teacher asks Little Jenny a question.

'So Jenny, could you tell me who created the world?'

Little Jenny is thinking hard, but she doesn't really now the answer. Suddenly, Little Johnny who's sitting behind her s...

Voltaire moments before death

I don’t know if this has been on here but my high school teacher told me this a while ago.

On his death bed, a priest came to Voltaire’s home and told him there was still time to go to heaven if he accepts Jesus as his lord and savior and reject the devil and all his beliefs.
Voltaire t...

Mrs. Smith is having trouble with her husband falling asleep in church...

... and it was really embarrassing for her to be seen with him constantly nodding off. So Mrs. Smith asks the preacher before Sunday service if he has any ideas for her. He thinks about it, then hands her a pin and says, "Every time I signal you with this gesture, poke your husband with this pin." M...

So Jesus comes walking out of his tomb....

He sees that Mary Magdelene's really torn up about the crucifixtion business, and couldn't stop crying until Jesus showed up. Jesus decides to cheer Mary up by taking her to a comedy show in Rome.
The Diefied Duo arrive at the venue, and there's a Centurion guarding the entrance letting crowd of ...

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A dirty hippie gets on the city bus

He finds an open seat and sits across from a nun.

Looking at the nun he finds her extremely attractive and says "I would like to have Sex with you"

Appalled the nun gets up and gets off the bus at the nearest stop.

The bus driver notices this and says to the hippie "I know ho...

Jehovah's Witnesses

Jehovahs Witnesses: Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior?

Me: Of course! please come in!

[door slams shut and locks, lights dim, PowerPoint presentation begins]]

Me: But first I wanna tell you about a timeshare opportunity!!!

Peter is staring up at Jesus on the cross.

Suddenly their eyes meet and Jesus calls out, "Peter! Peter!"

Peter runs to the foot of the cross but he is beaten and forced back by the Roman guards. Once again he looks up when he hears his savior cry, "Peter. Peter."

Jesus's voice is much weaker now and that spurs Peter up the hill...

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[NSFW] The best joke ever told to me by a priest.

On the day of the Crucifixion, Jesus was on the Cross, surrounded by a ring of legionaires, while his follows stood just outside the range of their spears. Among them is Simon Peter, Rock of the Church. Faintly on the wind, Simon Peter hears his Master's voice. "Peter, Peter..." heedless of the dang...

Golgatha, And The Romans Have Christ On The Cross

All of Christ's followers are there: Mary Magdalene, Mark, Luke, and Peter, weeping as their savior hangs, dying.
As he consoles Mary, Peter hears Christ's faint voice,"Peter. Peter. Come here..."
Peter goes to Christ, "Yes my Lord?"
But the Roman guards are quick, and they beat Pete...

Johnny and Tina were sitting in sunday school..

When Tina started to fall asleep in the front row. The nun sees this and calls out "Tina! Who created our earth world and hears our prayers?" Johnny quickly poked Tina in the back with a ruler and she sprung up and yelled "OH MY GOD!" The nun gave a suprised look and said "oh... I guess you were pay...

Call Captain Planet

The residents of a town are fed up with all of the pollution from factories, littering, and toxic waste.

Finally, a townsperson says, "We need Captain Planet!"

A moment later, a superhero looking dude shows up and says, "Did someone summon me?

The townspeople rejoice, an...

3 hours in the crucifixion of Jesus one of his disciples, Andrew, is wandering the streets of Jerusalem still trying to fathom what just happened

with no specific end destination Andrew just walks around in a somewhat foggy state of mind. Suddenly he hears a distant and very silent cry:

"Andreeeeew..."

First he thinks it´s his own mind playing tricks with him or maybe somehow just the wind but then he hears it again..:

"A...

A General was about to lose in a battle

Suddenly a deity came to help and turned the tide to his favor. The general was quite grateful, kneeled down and asked, "What is my savior's great name?" The deity said, "I'm the god of practice target."
The general baffled, asked again, "What merit do I possess, that the God of practice target c...

A man bought the same thing from the same bar every day for months

Everyday, this man would buy two beers, around the same time. He would drink them both and then leave.

After this went on for a little while, the bartender finally asked the man "Why do you always buy two beers everyday and then just leave?"

"My good friend is away at war and isn't al...

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So Jesus in on vacation hitch hiking in America...

A trucker sees a man and decides to give him a lift.
"Do you need a ride?" The trucker asks.
"Yea if you'll give me one."
So Jesus gets in the car and about 30 miles down the road the trucker asks "Hey buddy are you thirsty I have a cooler full of beer."
"I could drink." Jesus replied....

Two Jewish brothers are walking down the street.

They pass a Protestant church whose sign read "Convert to Christianity, Receive $2000". One of the brothers said "I'm going in there to check this out" His brother says "You can't possibly be thinking about converting to Christianity! This is your people this is your heritage!" his brother says "No ...

The two mexicans, lost in the mexican desert..

Juan and Pablo had been wandering aimlessly around the mexican desert for three days now. Without food and water their hopes of finding civilisation were fading fast.. When through the mirage they sight a bacon tree!

The tree meant food, water and shelter so the two began running towards the ...

Three men die and are at the pearly gates

St Peter explains to them that, while in the old days God demanded that only Christians who closely studied the Bible could get into Heaven, times have changed and requirements have been relaxed. These days, you only need to know the basics.
St Peter turns to the first man and says, "if you can...

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During the Dark Ages, the Pope decrees that he is going to expel all of the Jews out of Europe...

...naturally, the Jews aren't very happy with this. Jewish people all over Europe start protesting in the streets, demanding that the Pope change his mind and let the Jewish people stay. Since the protests and riots are starting to get a bit chaotic and violent, the Pope creates a proposition. He wi...

Jehova's Witnesses: [Knock Knock]

Resident: Who's There?

JW: We're Jehova's Witnesses.

R: That's not funny. What's the punchline?

JW: Um. We're here to tell you to accept our Lord and Savior into your heart.

R: There it is.

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A boy decided to do his school paper on the most famous man in town.

So he went to the man and asked him for his story.

The man sat the boy down and said, "Listen here kid. I've done many great things in my life. But sometimes, you don't get to choose what you're remembered for. Once, as I was walking home after work, I heard screams from the orphanage near by...

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A whole city block is burning, and fire trucks from all about are called in, and trying to take down the flames when...

This old, ancient, piece of junk fire truck drives right in the middle of the fire, and takes complete control of the situation; saving the day. After hours, and hours of of fire fighting, the reporters can't wait to interview the captain of this mysterious savior that came out of nowhere.
...

Church of latter day saints.

The other day I was stopped by a few guys from the Church of Latter Day Saints. They asked me "have you found our Lord the savior? I replied "Sorry, can't say that I have. Where was the last place you saw him?"

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A ship went down on a reef...

There were only three survivors; a 25 year old man, a dog, and a cat.

They were washed up on a deserted tropical island. Food and water were no problem, but after a month the man started to get the urge to have sex. As there were no other people, he was forced to choose between the dog and...

A visiting preacher in a small town...

is driving around, looking for the town's small church where he will do a community wide sermon. However, he can't seem to find it. As he drove on, he noticed a little boy walking down the side of the road. The preacher pulled over and asked him, "Hello son, what's your name? I need help finding yo...

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Hitler dies and ascends to be judged at the pearly gates of Heaven.

St. Peter steps out, the Book of Life under his arm, and sees Hitler standing there.

"Hitler? What, are you kidding me?" exclaims Peter.

"I know, I know" says Hitler, putting his hands up to calm the saint "but what you may not know is that in life I recognized the error of my ways and...

Getting into Heaven: what's the worst thing you've done?

These 3 guys have died and are waiting to get into heaven, and St. Peter has his checklist, marking off items to see if they can pass though the pearly gates.

Peter asks the first one, "What's the worst thing you did during your life?" and the guy answers, "Well, once I cheated on my wife....

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