This Corona virus is a blessing

My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened in my life.

Blessings from god

The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life."

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Count your days of blessing!

The monkey wife is tired of her husband's aggressive sex drive and so she prays to God for help. God appears and asks what can He do for her.
"Well, take his penis away for a month!", she goes. God tells her that that won't be fair to the monkey alone. "So take the dicks of all the animals for a...

How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

God's Blessings

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes...

A guy, today, told me to count my blessings,

But I didn’t have to sneeze.

When I was baptised, the priest wore a fake nose, moustache and pair of glasses.

It was a blessing in disguise.

My girlfriend left me because I asked her father for his blessing to marry her.

She got so angry. She screamed at me like never before. Something about “desecrating his grave” or whatever.

An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."

Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.


One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"


The man says, "I should have taken the money."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During an ecumenical assembly, a secretary rushed in shouting, “The building is on fire!”

The Methodists prayed in a corner.
The Baptists wondered where they could find water. The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door announcing the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the cost of the ...

A priest walks into a bar...

"Why the sad face?", asked the bartender.

"Usually, when I give a person my blessing, they miraculously heal, I thought I really had a power. Today, I was powerless, I couldn't save a child from his injury", said the priest.

" Maybe your blessings were just a coincidence after all, it'...

Jacob never needed to set up that complicated plan to steal the blessing from Esau.

He could have just sneezed and let Issac say "bless you, Jacob."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two elderly people are sitting in an old-age home

The first says, “You know, Eliza, every day we have left is a blessing. What do you say we head to my room and have a little fun?”

Eliza thinks for a bit, and finally shrugs and says, “Sure, why not?”

The two totter off to his room, him tottering on his cane, her shuffling along on her...

A Jewish man goes to his rabbi father to tell him he’s in love.

A young Jewish man goes to his father who is a rabbi and tells him he fell in love with a woman he wants to marry.

“What is her last name?” The father asks.

“Smith” the young man replies.

“Smith?” Says the father, “I’m sorry son, but Smith is not a Jewish last name, you must ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our marriage counselor said, "sex in a relationship should not take the back seat".

I said, "not a problem I drive a 2 seater roadster"

My wife pipes up, "true, that stick shift is a blessing!"

An oldie, but a goodie.

A husband and wife are in the delivery room, she is going into labor and in intensive pain.
The doctor tells the husband they have a new piece of tech that can share the labor pains with the Father.
The husband is skeptical, but decides to do this to help his wife. The device shares the pain...

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their n...

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