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Israelite Jokes

Did you hear about the Israelite barista?

Hebrews

Who led the Israelites through the semi-permeable membrane?

Osmoses!

What’s the difference between an Israelite and an Israeli?

About thirty calories.

What did the Maori say to the Israelite?

Hebrew

What is the difference between an Israeli and an Israelite?

Israelites contain about 20% less fat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How heavy is a Jew

Chances are he Israelite

What did the sweet potato say to the Israelites.

"I am but a Yam"

Moses

Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the ...

Moses was sent by the Israelites...

to the top of Mount Sinai to negotiate with God over the commandments. After a month of intense discussion, an exhausted Moses came down with a list of 200 commandments.

The Israelites, however, weren't happy with this, and sent him back up to negotiate a better deal.

A week later, a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call homosexual Israelites?

Fruit Jews

King Pharaoh: I have a great business opportunity for you...

Israelites: Umm, is this not a pyramid scheme?

What kind of stone are golems made from?

Israelite

What type of lights were on Noah's Ark?

You'd think it would be floodlights, but in reality it was the Israelites!

Moses was commiserating with the Hebrews in Egypt

Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

"You, Moses, heed me ! I have good ...

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