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Saver Jokes

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The Life Saver

>A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, he starts choking and goes blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts to panic, shouting for help.
>
>An attractive, well-dressed but serious looki...

Time saver

On a drive in the country, a city slicker noticed a farmer lifting a pig up to an apple tree and holding the pig there as it ate one apple after another.

"Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about," said the city slicker, "but if you just shook the tree so the apples fell to the ground, would...

The Suicide prevention hotline in my country is truly a life saver.

I waited for a long time for them to pick up, I fell asleep and woke up without sucidal thoughts.

You know who I bumped into in SpecSavers today?

Everyone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took a Life Saver from a girl's back pocket at work.

I got fired for her ass mint.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher was testing her students' ability to guess what objects were without using their sight...

She had the kids all blindfolded and gave them things such as pine cones, little bars of soap, or small toy animals, and they had to figure out what they were by using their sense of touch or smell. Then she gave them a real treat, Life Savers in all kinds of flavors, and they had to taste them to g...

My mate Dave drowned...

For his funeral, we got a wreath in the shape of a life saver.

It's what he would've wanted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor.

So the teacher gives them a hint and say it's what your parents call each other. A little girl shouts and says “ OMG their assholes.

How do you rescue a dying monitor?

With a screen saver

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

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I saved 100 orphans from a burning building. Do they call me "The Orphan Saver?" No. I butchered 20 men with my bare hands in WWI, but so they call me "The Butcher?" No.

But you fuck one goat....

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"See that wall?" said the bitter Scotsman at the pub...

I built that wall, all the way from here to Glenmore, but do they call me "Angus the wall-builder? Nooo!"

"And see the church spire? Built that too. Do they call me "Angus the steeple-builder"? Noo!"

"And that terrible night when the orphanage burned down,I saved all the wee bairns fro...

Two old guys talking.

Guy 1: As I get older all I need is, Spec-savers, Boots, and Greggs..


Guy 2: Yep, life is all Specs, and Drugs and Sausage rolls!!!

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Porn

I watch so much porn, my screen saver is windex.

What do you call a cheap TV?

A screen saver.

I walked into the wrong opticians to collect my new glasses.

Should've gone to SpecSavers.

BILL GATES IN HELL

Bill Gates goes to purgatory.


St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".


First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Pet...

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A Man Has Promised His Wife He Wouldn't Get Drunk Anymore

But his best friend is getting married and he decides to have just one drink at the bachelor party during the toast.

Well, one drink leads to another and the man falls off the wagon ... HARD! He's singing and dancing and stumbling his way around the party without a care in the world (or his h...

What's in a name?

A woman sits down next to another mother on a park bench as their kids played together on a playground in Keswick, and they got to talking.
The woman was astonished that the other Mom had eleven children, all named Jayden.

“Why did you call all your kids Jayden?" she asked her new friend.<...

Bill Gates dies and reaches the Pearly Gates....[Long]

Meets Saint Peter at the gates and he tells Bill, “because you brought computers, technology and helped humanity, we have decided to let you tour hell and after the tour, you get to decide if you want to stay there, or come into heaven”

“I get to choose?” Asked Bill

“Yes... But just re...

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A flea is sitting on a bench in Florida...

and he looks miserable. He has the sniffles, he's sneezing and has the chills. He has a blanket wrapped around him for warmth.
Just then a friend of his walks by and notices him sitting there all sick and dejected. The friend sits next to him.
"Liam! What's wrong? You look absolutely awful."<...

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