Repaired Jokes

They couldn’t fix it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the farm store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside t... read more

A man is cleaning out his grandfathers home after the grandfather passed away at 90.
In one of the grandfathers old overcoats pockets he finds a ticket for some shoes that the grandfather had left to be repaired, dated from 1955.
In curiosity the man checks online and is surprised to see t... read more

The repair person in the clock shop is an old German. The man says my grandfather clock only goes tik tik tik tik. They take the clock to the back room of the shop and tie it to a chair. The old man then lights up a cigarette, take a big drag, and blows the smoke in the clocks face. He sets the ciga... read more

He brought eight umbrellas to the repair shop and came home by bus. He absentmindedly took the umbrella of the woman next to him as he got up to leave and she cried, "STOP! THIEF!". He sheepishly gave it back and got off the bus. A few days later he collected his umbrellas from the repairer and g... read more

I haven't heard anything since.

Now he has to deal with the repercussions.

To church because they can save your souls.

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ... read more

The guy walks in and the shoemaker says they’ll be ready Thursday ...

I thought you said while I wait?

The shoemaker replies...

“If you you want to wait, wait!”

They're both full of reposts.

I saw shop with a lot of clocks, so I asked the shopkeeper to repair my wrist-watch.

The shopkeeper said, "Sir, we do not repair watches".

I asked him, "What do you do then?"

Shopkeeper replied: "We do circumcisions".

I asked him: "Then why have you hung so many clocks in... read more

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'


EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling his mom hot if I reached all.

He sends his regards...

The Captain of the Highland Dragoons goes into the apothecary shop, marches up to the counter, throws a stretched, worn out condom full of holes on the counter, and demands "How much to have it repaired?"

The apothecary replies "Two shillings."

The Captain responds "How much for a new ... read more

She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God himself.



He looks the woman up and down, and says "Hm... Strange. It's not your time! I'm sending you back."

"Sending me back? How long until it IS my time?" she asks.

"Worry not, my child. You have many, many m... read more

Somewhere in the Mid-West, the Popemobile breaks down, and while it’s repaired, the Pope continued his journey with a limousine rental.

After a few hours, the limousine driver rolled down the glass partition, and spoke: “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you, your holiness, or highness - I’m... read more

Ring rong.

It's got a second-hand second hand.

“Mmmfff mmf MMMFFF!”

[OC]

Harvey Dent

As the owner's mechanic fetches the car, the owner gets to talking with the doctor and says, "You know, engine repair is a lot like open-heart surgery."

"How so?"

"Well, it's the 'heart' of the machine. It's got fuel injectors like veins, an oil pump like an aorta, and pistons that pum... read more

...and they built a public restroom. Then one day, the window of the restroom was broken. So all the animals got together in a public meeting. The wise owl who chaired the meeting asked who broke it. The little bunny raised his hand, and explained: "You see, I was sitting on the toilet, when from th... read more

A truck delivering penguins to the Zoo broke down a few miles from its destination. The driver flagged an empty truck down. He said hey Buddy can you help me out I need to get these penguins to the zoo in the next hour and the repair truck will be here in about the same time, could you help me out a... read more

Dear Bob,

I enjoy your advice column and have a personal question for you.

Recently I noticed my wife has been spending a lot of evenings "out with friends."

Also, I sometimes get phone calls where the caller hangs up as soon as I say "hello."

Last night she went ou... read more

So he looks around, and notices a store with a huge watch hanging in the window.

He enters, and tells the clerk he'd like to have his watch repaired.

The clerk, looking confused, tells the customer, "Er, sir, I'm not a jeweler, I'm a mohel."

Customer says, "So why do you have th... read more