If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,
Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?
For those unaware, Big Ben is undergoing renovations in London; it's no easy task
They're having to work around the clock to make it happen.
I was doing some home renovations and I was knocking down a wall, only to find a secret unfurnished room behind it...
...then I remembered we live in a duplex.
"I was going to paint my bathroom door but my girlfriend was dead against it" Oscar Pistorius
What do you think happened to the renovation guy in Notre Dame?
He probably got fired.
Three men sat around a table in a bar and talked about their wives.
The first man says, "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician. When I got home last night I found a pair of pliers and some insulating tape behind the radiator in the bedroom - we've not had any work done on the house, and I can't think of any other way they could have got there". ...
The Canadian restaurant by my house has been closed for renovations.
They're just doing some poutine maintenance.
A guy is sitting at his desk at work when his phone starts ringing.
"Hi, Mr Thomson, it's the builder. There's been a problem with your renovations."
"Oh dear, what's happened?" asks Mr Thomson
"Well, there's good news and bad news." says the builder, "The bad news is that your upstairs bathroom, and the second and t...
A man hired a contractor to renovate his kitchen
The contractor said to the man that he was nearly done.
The homeowner said "no way that you are - there is a giant hole in the granite countertop!"
Frustrated with how long the renovation had taken, the homeowner started yelling at the contractor and his assistant, who was standing in ...
The year 2192
The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...
A wealthy man was on his death bed
He called in his doctor, his pastor, and his lawyer. He told them, "Look, I know everyone says that you can't take it with you, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to try. So I've got a $500,000 bag of money for each of you, and you must throw it into my coffin at my funeral. I trust all of you to h...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A frog goes into a bank in search of a loan. He approaches Patricia Wack who deals with the loans in this particular bank and says "Hi, I'd like a £10,000 loan as I am doing some home renovations". Patricia is a little bemused, as it is a frog asking for a loan, but she is a polite lady and so conti...
The competition is realy hard among the rubber manufacturers
The british manufacturer says: During the renovation of the Big Ben, a worker fell down from the top of the tower, but his braces hitched into a ledge, so he survived. The british rubber industry is the best. The american says: That is nothing. When the empire state building was built a worker al...
A world-class engineer dies after a long and happy life.
When he goes to be judged at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter accidentally screws up his papers and sends him to hell. Satan is more than happy to have him, as he doesn't get many engineers and could put this guy to some great use. With the engineer's help, Satan makes renovation after renovation and i...