There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.

Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly…
A man, their father, bursts through th...

Just before a redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him,

"Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up."

The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened.

He pulled the sec...

When my dentist reminded me about my husband’s sensitive gag reflex, we laughed and laughed and laughed about it for a while, but then it hit me....

We have different dentists...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

**Principal:** What is 3+3?

**Boy:** 6.
...

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it had crippling depression, it was constantly reminded that it's life was worthless to those it was looked down on by. A mere piece of meat, not a living creature, worthy of respect, and dignity. It didn't want to live in a constant state of fear and depression, knowing that it's only purpo...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "...

A priest was out walking and a man runs up to him and says

“Father! There’s a man on top of the Eiffel tower and he’s about to jump!”

The priest runs to the Eiffel tower and finds the man. “What are you doing?” The priest asks him. “Are you mad? Thank of your family, your wife!”

The man replies, “My wife left me. I have no family. So I jump.”<...

When I was young, my Mom told me the same thing every day.

My mother never ceased to tell me that I could be anyone I wanted when I grew up. Many times a day, she reminded me of this. "You can be who ever you want when you grow up."

Today, I was arrested for identity theft.

Don’t you hate it when you can’t sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago?

I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night

A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!” His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”

A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”

His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”

Her husband replied: “That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef know...

A comment following the video of two different camera views of the guy falling off that drone motorcycle thing reminded me of this oldie but goodie: a guy walks into a bar....

....sits down, orders a beer, and is watching the 5 o’clock news: footage of a guy about to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Bartender says “I bet you $100 he does it.” Guy takes the bet, and not long after has to pay up...

A few minutes later, bartender comes back. “I’m sorry man, I can’t t...

I just got reminded of my ex-wife who is deaf, she left me for another deaf person.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told a customer that he reminded me of my father.

He says to me "Oh wow, he must be quite a nice guy!"

I told him "No, he's an asshole."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An earlier joke on the sub reminded me of this old classic...

Three men are at a bar, drinking around a table.
One gulps his beer and loudly brags, "Last night I made love to my wife four times! She said in the morning it was the best sex she's ever had!"

Another slams his empty mug down and boasts, "That's nothing! I just fucked my wife *nine* times...

One of my older friends called me the other day

He was born in the 50's and his grandson's birthday was coming up.

He was planning on getting him one of those toys that are supposed to always come back. He couldn't remember what it was called, so I reminded him.

Long story short, the boomer rang.

How Do You Catch a Pink Elephant?

This is super old. But another Joke here reminded me, so...

How Do You Catch a Pink Elephant?

First, you bake a cake with 3 raisins. Pink Elephants LOVE raisins. Then, you travel through Purple Elephant country. Purple Elephants are really easy to catch. Once you are in Pink Elephant c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I over heard some sexist guy claim, “Women are the weaker sex.” So, I kindly reminded him

that technically all women are Body Builders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met this sexy girl in a club tonight and told her she reminded me of my little toe. Giggling, she asked, "Why?! Is it because I'm small and cute!?"

"No..." I said. "It's because later, I'm gonna bang you hard on my coffee table."

Anytime I have an anniversary, birthday or holiday I am reminded of the biggest joke of all

My life

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After visiting The Getty my wife said the Greek statues reminded her of me.

“Really?”

“Yes. They all have little dicks too.”

A billionaire is leaving his doctor's office when he gets stopped and reminded to pay

"Doctor," he says, I've decided not to pay you for your services. Instead, I'm writing you into my will. Will that suffice?"

"Of course," replies the doctor. "But can you please give me back that prescription? I need to make a small change."

Every time I eat eggs benedict I'm reminded of my time in the Netherlands.

You know, my Holland days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just met a guy in the supermarket who really reminded me of Elvis.

He walked up to me and said ‘don’t you fucking DARE forget about Elvis’.

All day I felt like I forgot something very important, then Don Cherry reminded me..

I need to start looking for a job.

The star football player was missing his academic requirements

He was the best player they'd seen in years, but unfortunately, shared an IQ with his helmet. Regulations required that the player be benched until he brought his grades back up.

The coach, wanting to win their first season in decades, pled to allow the player to finish the season. It was fin...

I was talking to my husband in bed the other night when he said three words that reminded me of why I married him...

..."Who's Nicki Minaj?"

This Thanksgiving, we are reminded of the one universal thing that we should all be thankful for

Those that sort by new

I told my roommate, "I just reminded my neighbor 6 times to take his cat with him when he moves tomorrow." My roommate replied, " That's just your dementia."

Ha, joke's on her. I remember all 3 times I told him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was reminded of my dad’s favorite joke when I saw a similar joke posted earlier today. He owns his own construction company and would tell this to everyone.

All the body parts get together to decide who is the boss of the body.

First is the brain. “It’s obvious I’m the boss. I’m the smartest and without me the body wouldn’t even know what to do.”

The hands speak up and say, “Without us the body wouldn’t be able to get food to the mouth. Th...

"Fifty Bucks is Fifty Bucks" reminded me of this one.

A man and his wife were driving from New York to California. Along the way the wife would find every little thing wrong with her husband's driving.
"You're driving too fast." "You missed that exit." "You're tailgating."
This went on throughout the trip. As their car crossed the border ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

u/Jayhawk_Dunk reminded me a joke my dad told me

John Shit told his dad he wasn't happy about his name and he wanted to change it. His dad didn't accept it right away but well, he was 22 after all, he was an adult. If he wanted, he could not not disagree.

That day he went to the place to change his name.

*Good afternoon sir, what di...

My last trip to Europe reminded me how bad I was at chess

I was beaten by a Czech mate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The employees at the factory were often reminded by the boss that anyone can be wrong and nobody and nothing should ever be completely certain as its arrogant

so when people pushed buttons on the calculators made in the factory, it sometimes said "I dont know"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Something elsewhere on reddit reminded me of this old joke. - - - Four nuns are tragically killed in a car accident.

Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates they find Saint Peter awaiting them.

He greets them politely saying, “My dear sisters in Christ, before I can allow anyone to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, I must ask each a question.”

Continuing, as he smiles down at them, “I must emphasize, being tru...

To sum up healthcare in America

An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500."

He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn.

A week pas...

A post in r/funny reminded me of one of my dad's favorite jokes...

Q: What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
A: [Trilingual](/spoiler)

Q: What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
A: [Bilingual](/spoiler)

Q: What do you call someone who speaks one language?
A: [American](/spoiler)

My girlfriend left me after I said she reminded me of our dessert, a baked Alaska.

Fire hot on the outside, but ice cold on the inside. I should have just said sweet.

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction.

When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems." So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.
A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Sin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

February 15th - the Aftermath reminded me of a joke

When I saw a [thread](http://imgur.com/yKGB2Z6) on the aftermath of Valentines Day it reminded me of a joke - goes like this.

Boy walks into a pharmacy and walks over near the condom aisle passing by a few time looking very nervous. The pharmacist, a male, decides to take mercy on him and wal...

Recent events reminded me of this joke:

A jet is flying across the country when the passengers began to feel shaking.

The pilot announced, "Uh Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing. Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines! Because ...

the three legged pig joke reminded me of a joke my dad once told me

a scientist was doing an experiment on a frog in his lab, he placed the frog down on the floor and said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped 4 feet and so he noted in his notebook

"frog with 4 legs, jumps 4 feet"

he then cut off one of the frogs legs and again said "Frog jump!". the frog jump...

This morning I thought I was going senile when I couldn’t remember where I’d put my watch.

Then, fortunately, my wife reminded me that I haven’t worn a watch in 5 years.

Friend of mine just got his wife pregnant. Told him it reminded me of this joke.

This very young and innocent country girl fell madly in
love with this Greek guy and was determined to marry him.
Her mother tried hard to stop her, but when she knew she
couldn't stop her daughter, she said to her, "Listen child,
marry him and may you live happily ever after. But t...

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