What did the Grim Reaper say when he walked into a shoe shop?

I've come for your soles!

What do you call the grim reaper with hearing problems?

Deaf..

What's it called when the Grim Reaper screws up and gets a concussion?

A repercussion

Grim Reaper

Late last night, I heard a knock at my door. When I opened it, I saw Death come to take me. He stuck out one bony finger from his shroud and motioned for me to follow.

“Please!” I begged. Just give me a few more years.” Death just silently shook his head.

“I’ll do anything,” I exclai...

The Grim Reaper Saves Lives!

Specifically, in his pocket.

A man dies and is waiting to be transported to heaven

He asks Death about what happens next. Death replies "YOU WERE A GOOD MAN ON EARTH , YOU WILL GO TO HEAVEN , WHERE YOU WILL ENJOY ETERNAL YOUTH , YOU CAN DO BASICALLY ANYTHING YOU WANT , ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES ". The man thinks to himself, "that's wonderful", and settles down for the journey....

The Grim Reaper Challenge

There were three men on an airplane somewhere above the Atlantic ocean. Suddenly Grim Reaper appears on the plane. He says”Before I take you all with me ‘ll give you a chance to survive. Each one of you will throw something to the ocean and if I find it you will die”.

The first one throws a n...

What does the Grim Reaper say when he can’t hear you?

“I’m deaf”

The Grim Reaper is normally known as death to many people

Except to Germans, to them, he’s called Tod.

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared to face the reaper cushions.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

Have you heard about the Angel of Death that's not so intelligent?

The Dim Reaper?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the Grim Reapers best quality?

Hes Dead Sexy.

It just occurred to me why the Grim Reaper is so popular in myths and cultures throughout the world

People are always dying to meet him

What did the Grim Reaper say to the ill calendar?

"Your days are numbered, my friend."

What is the Grim Reaper's favorite kind of drink?

Mortali-tea!

How do we know the grim reaper has a lip

when people die, he doesn't death-criminate

The Grim Reaper

A woman was sleeping at home with her lover, she suddenly hears her husband knocking on the door, so she immediately makes a prayer "God, please hide my lover and take whatever you want from me." The grim reaper shows up infront of her and says "I will grant your wish, but only on one condition, aft...

What did Keanu Reeves say to the Grim Reaper on his deathbed?

“You’re breathtaking!”

My wife caught me chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper...

...she said “Do you like dicing with death?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are confronted by the grim reaper [NSFW]

The grim reaper says to the three men, "I will spare your lives if you can each collect 12 pieces of fruit for me." All three men go their separate ways, and a few minutes later guy 1 comes back with 12 oranges.


The grim reaper says "before I can spare your life, you must complete one fin...

The grim reaper approaches Paddy and says "I'm death"

Paddy says "I'll talk louder then"

Why couldn’t the Grim Reaper go to war?

Because he supports all troops

The Grim Reaper appears before a man who's standing outside a department store changing room where his wife is inside trying on clothes...

The Grim Reaper says: "You will die of a heart attack in 30 seconds, but don't worry, because you are going straight to heaven."

The man, scared and skeptical says: "I never go to church, so how do you know for sure that I'm going to heaven? "

The Grim Reaper replies: "Easy. Satan won...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day the grim reaper came to a man and said "your time has come"

the man begged and plead so the grim reaper gave him another year to live.
after the year was over the reaper returned but the man was in an airplane. he once again said "your time has come". the man said "you cant take me now. what about all these innocent people. they dont deserve to die". <...

How does the Grim Reaper keep his cloak so black?

He uses dye!







Cheesy joke I came up with last night, enjoy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

What Reaper says when he is going to hair dresser?

DYE DYE DYE!

Why did the Grim Reaper come to r/Jokes looking for Oast?

Because like everyone else in the sub, he came to Reap Oast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the grim reaper and a pedophile have in common?

They both take people before their time.

Since other people liked the Turkish joke I translated, here’s another one

Nasreddin Hodja was on his deathbed. He called her wife and told her to dress up nicely and wear makeup. She was confused about why he wanted that, so she asked him why.

“Well, when the reaper comes he might like you more and take you with him instead of me.”

Why does Death’s intern always follow his boss’s orders?

Because he doesn’t want to face any Reaper-percussions

Death in the corner: *Badum tsss*

*Oh no*

Pillow fight

The other day I had a pillow fight with Death. I thought I could win but he beat me embarrasingly easily.

I guess I wasn't ready for the reaper cushions.

For those who dare steal Death's pillows..

Prepare yourself for the reaper cushions

Once, I agreed to help Death move his couch to his new place.

After we got there, I realized I forgot those things you’re supposed to sit on.

There were reaper cushions.

Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago.

...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.

An engineer dies and goes to hell

Lucifer : I don't get it, you weren't supposed to be here, maybe there's some mixup, hold on...."*calls God*"

God : Yo Lucy, wassup?

Lucifer : Was Mr. Rowan supposed to be here, I don't find him on the list.

God : Oh yeah, he was supposed to be here in heaven. Looks like Reaper ...

What kind of music do chiropractors like?

Hip hop.

What kind of music does the grim reaper like? Death metal and Soul.

I'm sorry.

Farmer drama

The farmers association are up in arms about a new model of combine harvester that comes with padded seats...

they're worried about reaper cushions

What do you get when you hit Death in the head?

Reaper-cussions

A Couple were walking down a stern at night.

As they were walking, they pass by a house that seemed exceptionally quiet and dreary. The windows were pitch black, the chimney was spewing black smog, and the front door had darkness spilling from all edges. The husband was very curious as to why this house was so unnaturally dark, so went to the ...

An elderly man reunites with his lost love

One day, an elderly man is out for a walk when he discovers his lost teenage love, a woman who's about his age. The two get together, and in an instant can tell the old Fire is there. Together they rent out a small motel room when, just as they throw off their clothes, the Reaper appears at the foot...

A man is resting on his death bed...

As he waits to pass on, he sees the reaper approach his bedside.

"I am the angel of deaf!" Says the reaper.

The man, confused, asks "Don't you mean the angel of death?"

"...Could you repeat that?"

What do you call a smiling man holding a scythe?

A grin reaper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Safe Death

A man was having serious medical problems and had an appointment to see his doctor. He was so distraught over the likely possibility of bad news that he asked his son to go along with him.

Sure enough, the doctor announced that the man had terminal cancer and had only a short time to live. Ne...

Carrie Fisher dead at 60.

Her last words were "aren't you a little short for a grim reaper."

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