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Royal Family Jokes

What are the similarities between the royal family and yeast?

There both inbred.

My friend is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king.

**Henry**

**George**

**Charles**

**Burger.**

You know what they say about the French royal family?

It was a good idea on paper but they lost their heads in the execution.

What was the greatest achievement of the Spanish royal family?

They managed to turn their family tree into a circle

What's the difference between herpes and news about the British royal family?

It's easier to get rid of herpes.

The Royal Family are going to send Prince Andrew to see what public opinion is like

Just putting the feeler out

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What is it called when two female members of a royal family have sex?

Princest.

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Hitler, Napoleon, and Rasputin are in a bar in Hell recounting their glory days

Hitler: "It vas going so vell, I had conquered most ov Europe and the vorld seemed to be just vithin mien reach...but then I invaded Russia."

Napoleon: "That's nothing. I easily conquered all of Europe. I even became Emporer! It was all goin so well...but then I invaded Russia."

Rasput...

the weather here is like the Royal family

Minus 1

Who is the heaviest member of the British royal family?

It's Diana, Princess of Whales.

What type of music can the Royal Family not listen to?

Royalty Free Music

What do the Royal Family and Probability math equations have in common?

They are not important and nobody cares about them.

Just heard that Harry is thinking of taking up painting full time after stepping down from the Royal family.

He'll be the artist formerly known as Prince.

Harry and Meghan announced that they were stepping away from the royal family to focus on their work...

This is the first time someone is quitting their family to spend more time with their job

What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight?

Put up your Dukes!

I'll just let myself out...

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Golf Player and Saudi Prince

A golfer is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber's head, knocking him unconscious.

"You probably saved my life," says the grateful Arab. "I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family...

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Duke of Cornwall

The usual news reader at an English radio station falls sick and they ask a recent hire to read the news instead. Never done it before, she nervously starts reading news at a live channel when she comes across a piece of the royal family and has to mention Prince William. She continues reading and h...

What's the most effective method of suicide?

Supplying the POTUS and the Royal Family with underage girls.

This just in (Royal funeral update)

The royal family are apparently deciding between a flat headstone or a Phillips headstone. Ok I'll show myself out.

The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt

One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.

After several very angry calls from the royal f...

Tragedy in the Finger Kingdom occurred today.

Most of the Royal Family was murdered. The King, the Queen, and both of their daughters were killed during a Royal Feast.

Investigators were able to find and arrest the culprit quickly. Apparently, he didn't get rid of the Finger Prince.

A Russian spy is in the UK

A Russian spy is in the UK trying to dig up dirt on an MP.

He walks into a pub, sits next to the MP and orders a drink. He tries to start up a conversation but the MP says he knows he's a spy.

"Of course I'm not a spy, I can sing the whole British anthem", he then sings every verse per...

What do you call people who live off other people's taxes on an estate?

The Royal Family

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich maneuver, was getting frustrated.

Everywhere he went, people pretended they were choking to see what he would do. One day, he visited England. During a banquet with the royal family, the Queen grabbed her throat and bent over. Heimlich ignored her, and she confessed that she was faking. Later, he passed a prince on the street, and t...

Mario was sick of jumping around all day

He felt like he should be more politically involved. A few weeks ago, his friend Toad helped him set up a TV (mostly for watching trashy reality shows), but Mario became obsessed with US news networks. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, you name it. He had heard before of American democracy, and found it prefera...

If life was a RPG and inbreeding was a skill set

The royal family would be at the top of the tier

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There was a princess

who came of age, so her parents the King and Queen called for all princes to come and court her.

Day after day, each suitor came by, telling the princess what they would give her and why she should marry them. This went on for a few weeks, and the princess remained unsatisfied.

Sudden...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...

The King and the Thrones

Once there was a king- his kingdom was made up of houses made from the hay, mud and reinforced by waterproof grass fronds from the riverbanks. The king, naturally, had the biggest house, his being the only one in the kingdom to have two floors; a tricky bit of engineering for an all natural structur...

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