The 19+ Best Tsar Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't Putin take the title of Tsar?

He doesn't want to end up in a basement with all of his family.

Last night I went dancing with the Tsars

Peter and Nicholas were great, but Ivan was terrible.

A man insults the Tsar.

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of *lese majeste* (insulting the monarch).

He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!".

The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly mea...

In 1910 a Russian man was ranting and raving about Tsar Nicolas II

“Nicolas is an idiot! Nicolas is a moron!” He shouted in the streets.

He was arrested by the police for defaming the monarch and quickly denied his remarks.

“I meant another Nicolas!”

The police replied, “If you said idiot you were most definitely talking about the Tsar.”

I jokingly told my friend I was collecting the corpses of past emperors of Russia and dumping them into a giant ravine, but he thought I was serious and asked what was wrong with me.

I guess he just doesn't understand tsar chasm.

What would a 19th century Russian sci-fi be called?

Tsar Wars.

How do you pay for coffee in Russia?

With tsar bucks.

I got knocked out while vacationing in Russia

All I remember was seeing Tsars.

The anti-phonetic alphabet

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb...

What weapon does a Russian King use?

A Morning Tsar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My take on a shaggy dog story

A man walks into a bar, orders a pint and sees a sign pinned up above the till - “talking cat, going cheap.”

He calls the barman over and asks him what the deal with the cat is and can he have a look at it. The man shrugs, goes into the back and returns with a mangy old Tom cat.

“Here ...

The elephantine Russian emperor held an open air market for strange wooden dowels.

It was Tsar Babar's bizarre bar bazaar.

Remember, if a Communist is blowing up something, it is not your bomb or my bomb

it Tsar bomb

If Bag Raiders were a Russian band debuting in the 80s, their hit song will be called...

Shooting Tsars

Why did the Russian Revolution go so well?

They aimed for the tsars!

What was Lenin's favourite book?

The Fault in our Tsars.

Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?

He was following the Tsar.

What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams?

Shoot for the Tsars.

What do you call an epic space opera set during the Russian Revolution?

Tsar Wars

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