UPJOKE
outhousetoiletchamber potflush toiletbathroombidetcommodelatrinebowlpottyurinalurinationdefecationtubtoilet paper

Toilet Bowl Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two skidmarks are stuck to the side of the toilet bowl.

One asks the other, how long are you planning on sticking around?

Other one says.. I dunno, just until I get pissed off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do anniversaries, toilet bowls and clitorises have in common?

Some men miss all three.

There are a couple of reasons you shouldn't drink out of a toilet bowl

Number one and number two

What's the difference between a toilet bowl and a soup bowl?

If you had to click to find out, I'm never having soup at your place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why have they started putting pictures of politicians inside toilet bowls?

So the assholes can see who they voted for.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the skid mark say to the toilet bowl?

I'm gonna get pissed off in a minute.

I really need to buy a new toilet bowl ...

The one I have is full

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the shit stain leave the toilet bowl?

It got pissed off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Roaches are having a race around a toilet bowl

The first roach finishes with hardly breaking a sweat in about 5 minutes.

The second roach crosses the finish five minutes after that and is starting to sweat.

The third roach comes in fifteen minutes after him completely soaked and visibly mad.

The first two roaches ask "What ...

My girlfriend left stains on the toilet bowl.

I thought she'd be easier to flush than that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife asked me to clean the toilet bowl

So i drank a 6 pack of tall boys in a half an hour. Sure as shit, 20 minutes later i powerwashed that bowl on full blast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a toilet bowl and a waiter?

The toilet bowl serves only one asshole at a time.

-

And yes, I know it is the joke number 9723442 in the list. However, after eating tonight very good food in a proper Italian restaurant next to a family group that would probably be excellent in performing the duelling banjos, I just ...

"Do you know what is the difference between a toilet bowl and a cooking pan?"

"No, I don’t"

"Okay, then I certainty will not be going to eat at your place!"

If a round of musical chairs were played using toilet bowls instead of chairs...

would it be Game of Thrones?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know the bacteria that live at the bottom of toilet bowls?

They have no idea the shit they're in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The toilet bowl tells the bathtub...

"I've seen more ass than you ever had".
The Bathtub replied "Yeah, but at least I don't take shit from everybody".

Why do pterodatcyls pee on the side of the toilet bowl late at night?

To make the "p" silent

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever you’re sitting on the toilet all alone in silence, do you ever think something is crawling up the pipes into the toilet bowl and then is going to suddenly slither up into your butthole?

Well, you will now. You’re welcome!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man calls the police, upset that his house has been broken into, and his toilet used.

The owner says that nothing has been stolen, and the police officer finds no signs of forced entry. "Why exactly did you call the police?" he asks.

The owner takes the officer into the bathroom and shows him the toilet bowl. "What do you see?" he asks. "A turd," says the officer.

"Exac...

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited.

“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”


“No way!”


“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
\-
Twenty minutes later they’re ringing...

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy wakes up on New Year's with a hangover and partial blackout.

He says to his wife, "Jesus, I can't even remember where we were last night. I keep thinking that there was a golden toilet bowl."
His wife says, "We were at the Johnson's. And Bill's pretty upset that you shit in his tuba."

Enlightened Management

Q:Why did company management illuminate the toilet bowls in the employee bathroom?

A: It was the cheapest way to lighten their load.

It's 80 years since non stick pans were invented (Teflon 1938)

Where is the non stick toilet bowl?

Instructions for cleaning the toilet

**Instructions for cleaning the toilet:**

1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.

2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.

3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came up with this myself in the shower, hopefully hasn't been done before.

Two pieces of poop are arguing in the toilet bowl.

The piss gets _pissed_ by this and decides to ask them what they are arguing about.

The poop says, "Stay out of it, piss. It's fecal matter."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife always complains when I use her toothbrush

If somebody can tell me of a better way of getting shit stains off the back of the toilet bowl I'm all ears.


-Jimmy Carr

Confucius say..

Man who stand on toilet bowl, high on pot.

For my 3 wishes. I asked the genie if I could be white, close to water and see lots of asses.

Poof - Toilet bowl

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked myself how to handle life?

My room gave me all the answers:



Roof said: aim high

Fan said: be cool

Clock said: value time

Calendar said: be up to date

Wallet said: save now for the future

Mirror said: always observe yourself

Wall said: share others' load

Window sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is tired of her husband coming home drunk every night…

…so she decides to teach him a lesson!

Usually every night plays out the same way. Her husband comes home drunk as a skunk, walks directly to the bathroom to take a shit after which he makes his way to the bedroom, collapses on the bed and starts snoring like a freight train.

The woman...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Uncle told me this joke in spanish...

Translated best I could.

A Man and his Wife were in the mood and ended up doing the 69 in their living room when their neighbor decided to pay a visit. He knocked once, and the wife told the husband, "let him knock, he'll go away." But the neighbor kept on knocking after he noticed their car ...

James Bond wakes up in a strange prison cell.

His head is bursting, he feels nauseous, he's been beaten up, he looks at his reflection in toilet bowl water and sees he has a black eye, and cuts on his face.

"Where am I? How did I get here? Who's taken me?", he asked himself, "I musht have been drugged, I can't recall a thing".

Foo...

millennial superstitions

If your phone drops in the toilet bowl, you will have seven years of frustrating eyebrows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother sends her little son out to get some edible silver balls for the top of a birthday cake...

The son misunderstands, and comes back with a bag of very small steel ball bearings. Being so tiny, nobody notices them as they're swallowed from the top of the cake. That is, until next morning...

The elder daughter comes downstairs and says "Mum, I was so uncomfortable this morning. I had...

A man visits a a lovely old couple for dinner.

The man sits down after the table has been set. The man looks down and says, "these dishes are still dirty!" The husband says, "they are as clean as creek water gets 'em!"

The man then goes to the restroom and sees the disgusting toilet bowl, he comes back saying, "do you ever clean around h...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.