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Whacking Jokes

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If you masturbate after smoking marijuana....

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?










Edit: Front and Gold. Thank you.

Edit 2: if this is in fact a repost, I apologise. I honestly am not sure if somebody else posted this before.

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A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating…

She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"

One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry."

The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??"
<...

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What do you call it when a man jerks off while high?

Weed whacking

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So I was whacking off in a public bathroom...

so i was whacking off in a public bathroom

and i accidentally ejaculated on the guy in the next stall's shoe


_Talk about getting off on the wrong foot!_

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Why is whacking a Donald Trump piñata a really *bad* idea?

Because it's full of shit

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Bubba and the bedpost whacking

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "every ...

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The Whacking Party

James went to his doctor to get a double dose of Viagra.

Doctor: I can’t give you double dose
James: why not?!
Doctor: it’s not safe
James: (arguing) but I really need it badly!
Doctor: why do you need it badly?
James: My girlfriend is coming tomorrow(Friday);
Then my ex-wi...

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If you masturbate after smoking pot...

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?

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At the gates of Heaven, St. Peter says, “aight y’all. We’re under-staffed…

…and frankly I’m just trying to get fired at this point. We can’t just let any goody-two-shoes into Heaven anymore and I just don’t give a fuck so you’re only allowed in if you’ve had a particularly brutal death. Because I’m St motherfucking Peter and I said so.”

This fat guy walks up. “I thi...

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An 8-year-old knocks on the door of a brothel...

The Madam opens it up, looks down and sees the kid. “What do you want?”

The kid says, “I wanna get laid!”

The Madam says, “Yeah, come back in ten years.”

“But I wanna get laid.”

The Madam bends down and says, “Kid, get out of here, come back in ten years. Tell you what, g...

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What do a fly and a boner have in common?

You can't go to sleep without whacking it.

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A lion calls animals for a meeting

A lion calls animals for a meeting. "Everyone, I'm very hungry, so every one of you brings me a big piece of meat. If someone won't bring a big piece of meat, I'll beat them with my dick!" Everyone runs away. After a while they're coming back. A female deer brings a big piece of meat. Lion eats it a...

Jesus, Moses and an Old man are playing golf.

Moses is up first, and after whacking the ball, it falls into a lake. He parts the waters, hits the ball again onto the green.

Then, Jesus has his go, the ball soars at the same lake but this time it floats, so he walks across the water and hits the ball onto the green.

Then the old ma...

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If you smoke weed and masturbate...

... is it called weed whacking?

Driving in Georgia

I was driving through rural Georgia one day. I came to a stop sign. Being from the big city, I just did a kind of rolling stop through the sign.

A Georgia Highway Patrol spotted me and pulled me over. He came up to the window and said, "Boy, you know why I pulled you over"?

I said, ...

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Wife caught me

whacking off to golden shower porn...
Boy was she pissed

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