UPJOKE
police officercarmotorcarautoautomobilesuspectvehicletruckmotorcyclealternatorvanstation wagonpanda carradiatorengine

Police Car Jokes

A man gets pulled over by a police car....

"Excuse me sir, we've been searching for a sheep molester in the area. We'd like to ask you a few questions, and there's a reward being offered"

The man thinks for a second, "Okay sure, it's not my thing but I'll do it"

There are a few criminals in my town that keep stealing wheels from parked police cars.

The cops are working tirelessly to catch the suspects.

I heard on the news that there is a guy stealing tires from police cars.

I understand the police are working tirelessly to solve the crime.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An older man was driving his new Mercedes at 100 mph

An older man was driving his new Mercedes at 100 mph when he noticed a police car chasing him in the rearview mirror. He accelerated to 125 and then 155 mph. Suddenly, he thought to himself, "I've outgrown this bullshit." He slowed down, pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the police...

I've just witnessed a police car crash into a fire engine in town.

I was going to ring for an ambulance, but that could've been asking for trouble.

What sound does a Nintendo police car make?

Wii-U Wii-U Wii-U

After almost hitting 2 cars, a man gets pulled over by a police car

The officer asked,"can I see your license, please". After rummaging through his stuff, he passes his license to the officer. "Sir, your license indicates that you must wear glasses to drive".

"Oh," the man said,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.




"I didn't see that".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to get out of a speeding ticket...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple of hookers are standing on a corner as a police car slowly drives by

One turns to the other and asks:
"Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The other replies:
"No, but I've been swung around by my tits."

The Pope goes to New York and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine.

When he sees the car, he motions to the driver and says: "Do you mind if I ask you a favor?"

"A favor for the Pope??" exclaims the driver, "of course - anything!"

"You know, I hardly ever get to drive, and I'd really like it if I got to drive now. Would you please let me?"
...

so a guy is speeding down a freeway, miles above the speed limit, and a cop pulls him over.

he comes up to the man and asks, "why were you speeding today sir?" the man replies, "i'm a juggler in a circus, and i'm late for my next show. i apologize. i assume you'll be needing my license and registration."

the cop looks intrigued, and says "whoa, hold on a sec. my daughter loves juggl...

A German police car is stopping a slow driving car on the Autobahn.

The police officer gets out and asks the motorist why he is driving that slow.

"Well, I drive the speed as of the Autobahn's designation number.", replies the motorist.

P: "So, on the A25 you're doing..."

M: "25, yes. My speedometer gives out the exact number, so I try to maint...

A man in Florida has been caught on CCTV stealing police car tyres.

Police are reported to be working tirelessly to catch the thief.

Whats the difference between an echidna and a police car?

With a police car all the pricks are on the inside

An old lady was stopped for speeding

Police officer: I'm sorry, but I think you were driving a bit too fast?

Old lady: What?! No, that can't be true!

Police officer: Can I see your drivers license?

Old lady: No, I don't have it anymore. I lost it 4 years ago when driving while drunk!

Police officer: Well.. C...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Minneapolis police cars are a lot like elephants....

...except elephants have their trunks up front and their assholes are in the back.

I don't get why I just got seated in the back of the police car...

I clearly called shotgun.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A policeman is walking an illegal prostitute back to his police car...

On the way there, the policeman bumps into his captain. The captain asks: "what's going on here then?" The policeman replies: "I found an illegal prostitute on the sidewalk sir" The captain says: "I can see that, but why the hell are you the one in the handcuffs?!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

What do women and police cars have in common?

They make alot of noise to let you know they're coming.

Why do police cars have "to protect and serve" in quotes?

They are being sarcastic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an elephant and a police car?

On the elephant, the trunk is in the front and the asshole is in the rear.

Cop here, so everyone laugh it up!

What part of a police car sounds disappointed?

The sighren.

The police car, its siren blaring, raced in front of a speeding car and forced it to stop

The police car, its siren blaring, raced in front of a speeding car and forced it to stop.

A heavily built policeman got out and walked over.

"You name, please?" asked the policeman, taking out his notebook and pen.

"Certainly, officer," replied the driver. "It's Horatio Xerxes ...

Have you heard about the guy who had a heart attack in the back of a police car?

I guess you could say he got cardiac arrested

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Buys His Wife A Special Type Of Dildo

A man was looking around a sex store searching for a special sex toy to buy his wife so that she won't screw around on him while he is away on a business trip for a few weeks.

After not finding anything special he asks the old man working the store.

The old man replies "Well there is...

What's black and always in the back of a police car?

The spare tire

A circus performer is late to his next gig

Driving as fast as he can, he is soon pulled over by the police. The cop asks for his license, registration, and proof of insurance, and then asks him where he was going so fast.

"Well, officer, I'm a circus performer, and I'm headed to Springfield to do my juggling act, and I'm late."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man going 160 km/h on a highway.

He looks back and sees a police car following him, so he goes 270 km/h.

He thought to himself “I’m too old for this shit”, so he slows down and park on the sideway for the police to come.

The police officer approach and says;

“I’m going off duty to spend the holidays with my fam...

What do you call a potato and an ear of corn in a police car?

Starchy and Husk

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man drives in a car on the freeway and gets stopped by the police.

They ask him "we are looking for a rapist!". the man replies: "im sorry, but i can't help you."
the man sits in the car and watches the policeman go back the their vehicle. then he thinks - fuck it. he goes to the police car and knocks on the window. the police opens and the man says: "ok, i'll d...

One evening a man was driving down the road at 80mph when he passed a police car....

The cop put on the blue lights and followed him, but the man didn’t slow down at all... The pursuit lasted 20 mins until the police car finally cornered the speeding car and stopped him.

The policeman walked up to the driver and said... “You’d better have a damn good excuse for driving the w...

I called the cops and asked them why there were so many police cars in front of the brothel next door.

"Sir, we can't tell you about our police operations. Those are confidential."

"Oh my bad, I just wondered whether it was mother's day..."

Los Angeles announced plans to lease 288 all-electric police cars. Do you know where they'll use them?

In Watts.

I'll see myself out now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving home one night while very aroused

As he is passing a pumpkin patch, he thinks to himself, “Pumpkins are soft and squishy and there’s no one around for miles.

He pulls over and pulls out a juicy pumpkin, cuts the appropriate hole in it and begins to slake his erotic desires. Soon he’s really into it and doesn’t notice the pol...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.