Pick Me Up Jokes - 13 Hilarious Pick Me Up Jokes

I trust anyone who can pick me up

It's not a good rule, but it's carried me this far

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

What do people in Las Vegas order for a pick me up?

Express-Hoes.

My friends said they'd pick me up for the drive by so I strapped up and waited for them on the porch...

They yelled, its Karen's birthday we have signs and balloons for you why the f*** do you have a gun??

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Been waiting at the bar for my wife to pick me up for hours now.

How long does it take to have a baby, for fuck sake!!!!!

I asked Mick Jagger to pick me up some swampy plants.

But a Rolling Stone gathers no moss.

I asked my gf to pick me up a pack of condoms when she was going to Ace...

"Why?"
Because condoms are hard-wear

The heavier I am, the easier it gets to pick me up. What am I?

A woman.

WIFE: The car won’t start. Can you pick me up at the drive through McDonald's in town?

ME: There isn’t a drive through in town
WIFE: There is now

My parents divorced when I was 9, and every other weekend my Dad would pick me up and take me to Hooters....practically raised me there.

...so many good mammaries.

A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.

"Just count to five and pull on the main chute," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve chute."

"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."

The man j...

To this day I remember the time my mom forgot to pick me up from school. The school was already empty, only the janitors were left. I cried but they gave me milk and cookies and told me that everything will be all right.

Worst high school experience ever...

A 72 year old man had one hobby - he loved to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say
Again, 'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The ...

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