UPJOKE
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I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

My friends said they'd pick me up for the drive by so I strapped up and waited for them on the porch...

They yelled, its Karen's birthday we have signs and balloons for you why the f*** do you have a gun??

What do people in Las Vegas order for a pick me up?

Express-Hoes.

I asked my gf to pick me up a pack of condoms when she was going to Ace...

"Why?"
Because condoms are hard-wear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy who used to work for me said he and his wife could pick me up at my house so we could drive to an office party together.

About an hour before they were supposed to arrive I got a text from him.

*Love - what are you wearing? Would you like me to bring you a dress?*

I read it twice before realizing he obviously meant to send it to his wife and not to me.

He was mortified.

I would not have tea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Been waiting at the bar for my wife to pick me up for hours now.

How long does it take to have a baby, for fuck sake!!!!!

I trust anyone who can pick me up

It's not a good rule, but it's carried me this far

WIFE: The car won’t start. Can you pick me up at the drive through McDonald's in town?

ME: There isn’t a drive through in town
WIFE: There is now

My parents divorced when I was 9, and every other weekend my Dad would pick me up and take me to Hooters....practically raised me there.

...so many good mammaries.

The heavier I am, the easier it gets to pick me up. What am I?

A woman.

To this day I remember the time my mom forgot to pick me up from school. The school was already empty, only the janitors were left. I cried but they gave me milk and cookies and told me that everything will be all right.

Worst high school experience ever...

I asked Mick Jagger to pick me up some swampy plants.

But a Rolling Stone gathers no moss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into a Walgreens and asked where the tampons were.

Cashier: "Aisle 5."

Minutes later the man returned with a bag of cotton balls and some string.

Cashier: "I thought you were buying tampons."

Man: "I was, and then I got to thinking about something. The other day I asked my wife to pick me up some cigarettes while she was out, an...

I picked up a hitchhiker the other day...

After he got all of his stuff in the trunk, he hopped in, and we started our journey.

He told me : I’m so glad someone finally stopped to pick me up. But aren’t you scared that I might be a serial killer?

I replied : To be honest, the odds of having two serial killers in the same car a...

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