This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

On average, a man has sex approximately 84 times per year

It's going to be a rough week.

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I get only one blow job per year

I get only one blow job per year, when I blow the candles on my birthday cake.

Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year

when in reality, people kill people way more per year... so that's just being hippocritical.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Statistics show that on average people have sex 89 times per year.

With that being said, I’m about to have a wild couple of days.

It's true that an NRA membership costs $45 per year, while Deer Lovers Anonymous is $60.

...but you get more bang for your buck.

I can't believe I pay so much money per year for toilet paper

It's a total rip-off.

I allow myself only one doughnut per year.

This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.

I found a way to save 27 million tons of paper per year

I signed up for e-mail receipts at CVS

Falling vending machines kill more people per year than sharks.

I've never even seen a shark near a vending machine.

There was a very strict order of months who lived by a rules that permitted speaking only once on one day a year, one monk per year.

When the day came around, the monks whose turn it was stood up and said, "I don't like the mash potatoes here, they're too lumpy." And he sat down. A year later, another monk stood up and said, " I rather like the mash potatoes here, they're very tasty." Another year went by it was a third month tur...

A new guy starts working at the mental asylum

A new guy starts working at the local mental asylum.

After giving him some general advice, the director tells him to ask any questions that he may have.

"Yes, director, I have one. How do we know if a patient is cured and ready to leave the asylum?"

"Well," says the director, "o...

How do you make karma on Reddit?

It's a piece of cake.





I know this is an old joke but this only happens once per year, I had to.

A long time ago, on the Island of Tridia,

A group of peculiar people dwelled in peace. They were a small, peace-loving group of individuals. They were peculiar for several reasons: they were all extremely short, the tallest of them coming to a whopping meter in height; they were zealously religious, but they had no particular religion; and ...

My yearly salary is over six figures.

I bring in a cool $27,739.48 per year.

A man walked into the bedroom and he wife was packing a bag of clothes with a scowl on her face

"Where in the hell are you off to?" He asked

The wife replied, "Im off to New York!"

"Whats so special about New York?" The man asked

"In New york i could get paid 400$ for what i do for you for free!" She shouted

The husband didnt say a word and started slamming clothes ...

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A teetotal guy talking to his alcoholic mate.

Him: How many do you drink in a day?

Mate: I don't know, maybe 20.

Him: That's probably about $25. per day, so over 10 days $250.
And over 365 days that's $9,125 per year. So over the course of 20 years, that's $182,500. This could have bought you a luxury yacht.

Mate: Do you...

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A teetotaling woman walks into a bar dead set on getting people to stop drinking. She sits next to an older gentleman drinking a beer.

The woman asks, "Excuse me, how many beers do you drink per day?"

"Usually about three."

"And how much do you pay for a beer?"

"Including tip? About $5 per beer."

"How long have you been drinking beer?"

"Oh, about twenty years, I guess."

"So, at three beers ...

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Why is Santa’s sack so big

He only cums once per year

A man takes his wife to play her first game of golf...

Unfortunately she hacked the first shot the window of the biggest house next to the course. The man cringed "Now we'll have to go up and apologise and see how much you've cost us".
So the couple walk up to the house and knock. A warm voice said, "Come on in". When they opened the door, they saw a...

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Las Vegas

A man comes home from work, and finds his wife packing a suitcase.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"Vegas" she says.

"Why are you going to Vegas?"

She stares coldly at him, and says, "Because I read that a woman can make $500 there every time she has sex."

The guy ...

A resignation letter to my boss

I have enjoyed working here these past several years. You have paid me very well and given me benefits beyond belief. Have 3-4 months off per year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the day I die and then pay my estate one year salary death bonus and then continue to pay my spouse my ...

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Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A teenage girl informs her parents that she hasn't menstruated in two months

Her parents are shocked and furious. Her mother is crying, her father swears to kill the pig who did this to her. He bids her daughter to call that sonuvabitch at once. So the girl calls her boyfriend, they talk for a few minutes, then she hangs up.

After half an hour, an amazing Porsche stop...

Two Newfie brothers, Bob and Tom, go to the unemployment office one day.

After hours of standing in line, Bob is called in to speak with a social worker.

The social worker asks him "What is your occupation?"

Bob replies "I'm a diesel fitter."

The social worker informs Bob that she just happens to know of a trucking company that is hiring for this pos...

This joke has various variations, I'll tell you this one...

One day John comes home to see his blonde gurlfriend sitting in front of a glass with 8 little spiders inside. He asks, "Babe, what's going on? You caught 8 spiders?"


She replies, "yes"


"what are you going to do with them?"


"Im going to eat them"

<...

The difference between me and Bill Gates is "th".

He makes tens of millions of dollars per year.

I make tenths of millions of dollars per year.

Disturbing Pattern of Suicides

When some scientists plotted the number of suicides per year, they discovered a curious pattern. Every four years, there would be a spike in the number.

This baffled them, until the old janitor said: "Perhaps it was not a good idea to call them leap years."

Wanted: Personal psychic for wealthy client.

Salary: $10,000 per week plus bonuses.
Free accommodation.
10 weeks paid leave per year.
Company car.
Generous pension scheme.

You know where to apply.

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