I told my daughter to be sensible before her eighteenth birthday party.

She said, "You are only eighteen once!"


I said, "No...you're eighteen 365 times, unless it's a leap year."

On his eighteenth birthday, a son announces to his parents that he is no longer abiding by their curfew.

“I’m an adult now,” he says, “and you can’t stop me from exiting and entering the house any time I want.”



“You’re half right,” says his dad. “We can’t stop you from leaving the house, but we can stop you from coming back in.”

A golfer is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole...

...when a second golfer approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.


Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun and a priest are playing golf.

On the first hole, the nun hits a hole in one. The priest hits the ball into the rough. "Aw shit! I missed!" Yelles the priest. "The nun says "Do not say that or God will strike you down." On the ninth whole, the nun hits another hole in one. The priest hits the ball into the rough. "Aw shit! I miss...

A mum and a dad give birth to a child.

He was a perfectly healthy baby boy but there was a small catch. He was just a head. So the parents though ok that weird but raised him and loved him none the less. They had to carry him around and feed him. Then on his eighteenth birthday his dad took him for his first legal pint. The dad lifted up...

A man enters an elevator, and the operator asks him what floor he wants.

The man says "Eighteenth floor." After arriving, the doors open and the operator says "We are here, my son."
The man says "Thanks, but why did you call me your son?"
The operator replies "Because I have brought you up."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very rich man gave birth to a son.

On the son's sixteenth birthday, The man asked him what he wanted, and said that he would get anything his heart could desire. The son only asked for a pink ping pong ball. His father was curious, but complied. After they had cake and ice cream and the son opened his presents, he went up to his room...

The Genie of the Eighth Hole

A man was golfing alone when he made a hole-in-one on the eighth hole. As he approached the pin a genie rose and said "I am the genie of the eighth hole. I grant one wish to whoever makes it in from the tee." Excited the man exclaimed, "I wish I had a longer johnson", to which the genie agreed, snap...

The Twins Next Door.

Several years ago, back in my high school days, a family moved into the house next door. It was an Asian family with twins in the grade above me named Ving and Ling. Over the years we had gotten close and began to hang out more and more.

Eventually, I learned that Ving was unhappy and the sou...

A Golfer's Confession

"I swore yesterday, father."

"Continue," said the priest.

"Well, I was playing in a local golf tournament, and on the eighteenth hole, a par three, I needed a birdie to win. My drive was perfect, but it hit a power line crossing the fairway."

"I see...and you swore at your misfo...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.