UPJOKE
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Eighteenth Jokes

I told my daughter to be sensible before her eighteenth birthday party.

She said, "You are only eighteen once!"


I said, "No...you're eighteen 365 times, unless it's a leap year."

On his eighteenth birthday, a son announces to his parents that he is no longer abiding by their curfew.

“I’m an adult now,” he says, “and you can’t stop me from exiting and entering the house any time I want.”



“You’re half right,” says his dad. “We can’t stop you from leaving the house, but we can stop you from coming back in.”

Good British Humour....

During World War II, many exclusive British Clubs opened their doors to American Servicemen. 

One evening at a 300-year-old Club, an American  NCO stopped a steward  in a hallway and asked, “Hey Mac, where’s the damn Loo?” 

The Steward, who looked like Jeeves replied, “Glad to be of se...

A man enters an elevator, and the operator asks him what floor he wants.

The man says "Eighteenth floor." After arriving, the doors open and the operator says "We are here, my son."
The man says "Thanks, but why did you call me your son?"
The operator replies "Because I have brought you up."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a rapist and a golfer

The golfer stops after the eighteenth hole

A Round of Golf

A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.

Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, *"Say, we're about even...

Tim the Chicken

Tim was a nervous chicken.

He rarely went out in public and spent the majority of his life trying to blend in to the background.

And this devotion to anonymity followed Tim through his entire childhood and adolescence.

As Tim approached his eighteenth birthday, his one friend,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun and a priest are playing golf.

On the first hole, the nun hits a hole in one. The priest hits the ball into the rough. "Aw shit! I missed!" Yelles the priest. "The nun says "Do not say that or God will strike you down." On the ninth whole, the nun hits another hole in one. The priest hits the ball into the rough. "Aw shit! I miss...

A mum and a dad give birth to a child.

He was a perfectly healthy baby boy but there was a small catch. He was just a head. So the parents though ok that weird but raised him and loved him none the less. They had to carry him around and feed him. Then on his eighteenth birthday his dad took him for his first legal pint. The dad lifted up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very rich man gave birth to a son.

On the son's sixteenth birthday, The man asked him what he wanted, and said that he would get anything his heart could desire. The son only asked for a pink ping pong ball. His father was curious, but complied. After they had cake and ice cream and the son opened his presents, he went up to his room...

A Golfer's Confession

"I swore yesterday, father."

"Continue," said the priest.

"Well, I was playing in a local golf tournament, and on the eighteenth hole, a par three, I needed a birdie to win. My drive was perfect, but it hit a power line crossing the fairway."

"I see...and you swore at your misfo...

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